I Need Help on the Dating Site

Post Reply New Topic

Can some men on dating site be too shy to talk to some women if they found them attractive? I know men like me on okcupid, but won't talk to me, I'm wondering what's going on with these men. Am I doing something wrong?

Maybe they are shy.

Maybe you can talk to them if you're interested.

Yes. There's a few women who've liked me and me back. I haven't messaged them. Though that's not all shy but knowing they'll too good for me and likely made a mistake.

Go message them.

Maybe they are shy. Maybe they find you (or something on your profile) intimidating. Maybe they prefer that you contact them in your are interested

Gender stereotyping.
Assuming that just because someone is a man they will (or should) behave in a certain way.
How would you feel if it was assumed that you'd behave or think a certain way just because you were a woman?

I do like this one guy the most, I did message him, I said hi, he didn't write back. I don't understand why guys like women on dating sites, but won't talk to them? We are 83% match.

I've seen girls on sites that I liked and maybe exchanged a message. I quickly get out of my depth with how to continue a conversation though, so get cold feet and stop messaging! Try not to take it personally, there are any number of reasons why they might have ceased communication.

Most people on dating sites aren't serious, they are on it "just to see" or whatever, so most messages are going to go unanswered even if they do seem compatible. It's about managing your own expectations rather than anything else. If you do send a message then "Hi" is literally the worst one to send. Spend some time to craft a message that at least shows you have read their profile, say a little about yourself that you think might interest them, and maybe ask a question or two. But overall, just prepare for messages to go unanswered and try not to take it personally.

Talk about your art.

Women do get boyfriends on dating sites, I want to be one of those women that get a boyfriend off there.

How can saying 'hi' be the worst? Maybe I should message him, try one more time & say how are you? Has it been raining over there? I can be bad at writing to guys.

I'm sure you will too if you keep trying.

Because there's no substance. There's nothing to comment on in the message & respond to except for saying Hi back which lots won't bother to do for a stranger. It's like telling a stranger Hi that you pass by in the store on the street. They may say Hi back but they usually keep going about their business & that's the end of the conversation.

The guys on the dating site wouldn't think that I would be too good for them, would they? I would say they would be too good for me.

So I should try again & ask him 'how are you? Has it been raining over there?' ALOT of the times, I don't want to be a quitter, I didn't guit with my weight loss & I lost 60 lbs.

You want to send a message that shows you sent it specifically to them, and not that you just copy-pasted the same message to 100 people that day. You want to show you're not just a bot. So, commenting on something out of their profile does that. For example, here's a random profile from OKCupid (typed in a random zipcode and clicked the 3rd result lol):


Let's say you love Thai food too. So when you message him, to show you actually read his profile, you could comment on your shared enjoyment of Thai food. And then maybe something relative to his adventures in the Northwest (this profile was from California) - say something like "Do you travel a lot? I've been to Washington a few times, but prefer sunny CA" (presuming you were in California too). That's of course just a random example, making up facts about you since I don't really know you, don't know if you'd be interested in someone with that profile, etc. But if you comment on the things in the profile that drew you interest, then it shows that it's a message you sent to the guy specifically and that you're actually interested in the guy specifically, and not just a copy-pasted message to everyone. "Hi, how are you? Has it been raining?" is still a generic message that you could have sent to 100 people that night. You can add the "How are you" and ask about the rain, if you wish, but it has to be accompanied by something which is clearly personalized to the specific guy.

One sin similar situations like me would.

Avoid the vague and generic. Talk about something which they specifically mention in their profile.
Something like "Has it been raining over there?" is only appropriate if they have something like "It's a drought here" in their profile. Similarly only mention the weight loss thing if they mention they are looking to lose weight.

Whilst men on dating sites don't tend to receive many messages a very high proportion of what the do get is spam. I
It's also often possible for anyone to apply filters for things like match level and distance.