Not wanting to hang with a girl if they bring their kid?

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So as much as I hate to admit it for my age, haven't really had much luck with dating and its started to take a toll on me when most of my friends my age are already married with a family and here I am not even able to say I've had a girl friend unless you count a 2 year long distance one that I never met due to her cheating and getting pregnant with someone else.

I've tried to meet girls acourse, but the few that I've met with kids I've had a lot of negative experiences with and needless to say has opened my eyes up about having children and seriously making me question if I could even mentally handle being a parent.

A female friend of mine that I have a fling with on and off had been telling me for months about how we should see the new Finding Dory movie together when it was out. I did like the idea as I thought it'd be nice to do something that made me feel like a normal person and not an autistic person with bad social skills because someone that knows I'm autistic still wanted to actually do something that involved socializing with me. Its also a pretty big deal to me if I get to do things like go to a movie with a girl as a sadly haven't been able to do that much in my life.

Weds we were set to go, I find out at the last minute that she was bringing her one and a half year old daughter with her. Which made me a bit iffy as I was disappointed that in the end it wouldn't just be me and her, and I was nervous about a kid her age in a movie theater, but I figured being a kids movie it might not be that bad.

We get there, the movie starts playing, I think her daughter cared about the movie for all about 10 mins and than coulda cared less after that. Wouldn't wanna stay sitting down in her chair, kept frequently making shrieks and loud noises for no reason, which started to bother me a lot as it was putting me into sensory overload with trying to pay attention to a movie but not being able to very well with the constant and random noises from her daughter. At one point it got so bad that she started to throw a screaming tantrum for being mad that she couldn't leave her seat and run around, so my friend had to take her out of the theater for a bit and I think everyone else in there was probably like "thank god shes gone!". I wanted to just leave the movie and sit in my room alone when it was all happening, but that wasn't really an option because my friend and her daughter had rode with me there.

After the movie was over I was kinda quiet and didn't talk much the whole ride when I took her back home. Later that night I texted her and told her I wasn't mad or blaming her for anything as I know kids her age do that sometimes, but that the whole experience for me during that movie and her daughter doing what she did was very unpleasant and uncomfortable for me and if I seemed quiet or down afterwards that was why. I basically told her that if we saw any movies in the future that I wasn't doing that again, meaning if she has to bring her daughter and having a repeat of that with putting me in sensory overload and making me uncomfortable.

I feel like I am at a never ending cross roads sometimes. At my age its nearly impossible to find someone my age give or take that doesn't already have 2-3 kids before they made it to 21. I don't necessarily hate kids, but I run into things where a lot of times a girl can't be kid-less and has to bring their kid along to something like a movie date, and than stuff like what I mention happens. But in my city sadly finding a girl without a kid is almost like a needle in a haystack at this point, and I'm not quitting my job and moving somewhere else just to see if its any better. If its my fate to never find anyone, thats life, and its not always like movies and romance novels.

That's the way 1 1/2 year old babies are. The shriek randomly. The don't know any better.

I can understand why you wouldn't want a girl to bring her kid--but there are times when she might not have been able to get a babysitter, so she was forced to bring the child. You can't exactly leave a child home alone!

I can also understand how one can feel awkward in the presence of kids. I would feel pretty awkward, actually.

But...if you really like the girl, I wouldn't preclude myself from dating her because she has children. I would just tell her that, sometimes, you would like to be ALONE with her on a date.

I agree that this sort of situation could be difficult for an autistic person.

I've had girlfriends with kids--I once had one with many kids.

I had a hard time babysitting kids when the girl was away doing something. They would try to take advantage of the lack of the presence of their mother, and to tell me, if they were doing something wrong, that I couldn't discipline them because I wasn't their father. That was a problem. They would try to take advantage of my disadvantageous position. That was quite stressful.

Personally I wouldn't even date someone with kids. I know it doesn't make them a bad person, but I don't like kids. They stress me out.

Perhaps you could look for an older woman who has older kids instead of little kids like maybe teenagers.

I really like the way you handled that situation by telling her exactly how you felt, that can be difficult at times because people may not understand but it is a good way to know who in your life is worth keeping around.

I wouldn't go into a serious relationship with someone with kids.

I am totally in experienced in this department any commitment scare, thr idea of marriage scary me even more ; imagine you are adding to this the stress of becoming a father figure the moment you live with her.

Marrying a single mom would feel like you are becoming a husband and a father all in one shot.

Single moms often don't understand that and they get offended when they are rejected for being... moms.

If you don't like kids, or can't handle them, you shouldn't be dating women with kids then. I just think it's a bad idea. It's bad for her and for the kids and for you. Find someone without kids. There's plenty. Esp early mid 20s.

You don't obviously want a chick whos looking for replacement daddy. OR one who's super fertile and just pops kids out. You'll have her pregnant in no time, then what?

If she's really willing to neglect her kid to date some guy, then, she's probably not worth dating unless you're just trying to get banged. At which point disregard all of this, because, you're just trying to get banged. But if you are looking for a relationship, even a pretty casual one, if she has kids it's not gonna work for you. Period. UNLESS you can change and adapt to deal with them much better.

Now all of this sounds like I'm slamming single moms. Not at all. I was raised by one. I just think if you plan on dating someone in that situation you have to be mature enough, and the kind of person adapted to making that work in a healthy way for you, her and the kid(s).