I have autism and need dating advice

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quikndead
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10 Jul 2016, 11:44 am

Hi! My name is Paul and I am 34 years old. I was diagnosed with autism when I was 27 (PDD-NOS). I have always had trouble talking to women and have never had a girlfriend. I tried using popular dating sites to find a partner, but I have trouble selling myself and don't get any replies. Starting last year, I started exercising too get in shape and joined a tae kwon do class. However, my true loves are video games and role-playing games (Dungeons and Dragons). I am currently unemployed and on disability because of social anxiety and my diagnosis. I also have a dog that I love. Please share any tips or advice you can give.



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10 Jul 2016, 12:00 pm

Try to find someone with similar interests. Maybe at online games or at Gen Con (if you can manage the social anxiety)



yelekam
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10 Jul 2016, 12:19 pm

maybe there is some sort of dating site for gamers out there (I don't know if there is, but there's probably a good probability of it).



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10 Jul 2016, 1:23 pm

I doubt your experience of online dating sites is too different from NT people.

I don't know if I can relate to your situation entirely, because I've been with my wife (a former schoolfriend) now since I was in my early twenties.

Being in the right scene and amongst the right people certainly helped me, I just don't feel the crowd at most venues.
I don't really drink now and I don't recommend it at all, but alcohol played a big factor when meeting people, people tend to be more forgiving when you're pissed.
Ultimately though, relationships formed like that tended to fail before too long, I didn't know there was even a possibility I was acting strangely.

The one person that did work out, I wound up marrying. We always got each other, but not most other people; It looks like there may have been a good reason too... last week we were both referred to specialists to rule-out/diagnose aspergers.


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Alliekit
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10 Jul 2016, 8:46 pm

Before I managed to meet my boyfriend online I worked really hard on my profile (I'm a bit of a perfectionist). I would do loads of research about how to present myself and how to message others. It does take real time and persistence and isn't for everyone but it helped me overcome my social anxiety.

Just the practice of talking to people made me less nervous and more likable irl



elise72
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11 Jul 2016, 4:16 pm

Do not sell yourself, just show yourself!



moidaboi
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14 Jul 2016, 4:54 pm

Bruh, I'm telling you from experience. Work on your self esteem first.

Hit the gym (start lifting, trust me on this), get a makeover, tweeze your eyebrows, shave, get a haircut, change your dress style. Check out Alpha M. videos on YouTube to get started.

Also, most importantly, work on your social skills. Start a conversation with as much people as possible. Compliment others. Say hello, comment on their shoes, outfit, car, music, videogame, or whatever. Basically, be interested in the interests of others. It doesn't have to be a long conversation. It can literally, just be "Hey, cool shoes", then smile and walk away.

Also, online dating sucks. It's for noobs, trust me.



Alliekit
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14 Jul 2016, 5:06 pm

moidaboi wrote:
Bruh, I'm telling you from experience. Work on your self esteem first.

Hit the gym (start lifting, trust me on this), get a makeover, tweeze your eyebrows, shave, get a haircut, change your dress style. Check out Alpha M. videos on YouTube to get started.

Also, most importantly, work on your social skills. Start a conversation with as much people as possible. Compliment others. Say hello, comment on their shoes, outfit, car, music, videogame, or whatever. Basically, be interested in the interests of others. It doesn't have to be a long conversation. It can literally, just be "Hey, cool shoes", then smile and walk away.

Also, online dating sucks. It's for noobs, trust me.


Do you mind, online dating works for some of us.



Sweetleaf
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14 Jul 2016, 7:49 pm

moidaboi wrote:
Bruh, I'm telling you from experience. Work on your self esteem first.

Hit the gym (start lifting, trust me on this), get a makeover, tweeze your eyebrows, shave, get a haircut, change your dress style. Check out Alpha M. videos on YouTube to get started.

Also, most importantly, work on your social skills. Start a conversation with as much people as possible. Compliment others. Say hello, comment on their shoes, outfit, car, music, videogame, or whatever. Basically, be interested in the interests of others. It doesn't have to be a long conversation. It can literally, just be "Hey, cool shoes", then smile and walk away.

Also, online dating sucks. It's for noobs, trust me.


Why not find someone that accepts your dress style...I mean if you don't have a style by all means develop one but if you're willing to mold and change yourself just to fit another person it might lead to relations where you get pushed around by the other person or might attract a controlling person. Find people with some similar interests, but certainly don't be afraid to check out things that interest other people, might find more interests and things to have in common with people.

Also not all females are into guys with short hair cuts and clean shaven look...however don't have a terrible scraggly beard or something that looks bad, but just saying shaving + haircut isn't always the best look for everyone.


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Andreger
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15 Jul 2016, 9:57 am

Alliekit wrote:
Before I managed to meet my boyfriend online I worked really hard on my profile (I'm a bit of a perfectionist). I would do loads of research about how to present myself and how to message others. It does take real time and persistence and isn't for everyone but it helped me overcome my social anxiety.

Just the practice of talking to people made me less nervous and more likable irl


For girls dating online is much easier, for many reasons.