Can you help who you fall for?

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It's hard to explain, but it's more like I rationally think like "ah... she likes this, me too! She might be the one"... and so on, it does develop over time on a rational basis not.... on something unexpected and magical "What? I am in love!!".

I'm not talking about "in love" I'm talking about the feeling of falling. Before you fall in love.

Yes it is slow and grows gradually, but you don't look at someone and say, "I'm going to make myself fall for that person because they are good at handling their finances and I like how they are polite and I think they may like me." or whatever you value as good qualities.

You won't necessarily fancy someone who ticks all the sensible boxes. You won't necessarily fancy someone who fancies you.

This guy I was talking just annoyed me. He was saying that you should be more careful about who you have feelings for, but that thing that piques your interest and starts the tumble is not something you can plan. And no one should be annoyed when they realise someone has feelings for them. They didn't wake up one morning and decide, I think I shall develop feelings for this person who has only ever seen me as just a friend.

^ This happened to me when I was naive and inexperienced,
nowadays I am incapable to fall (even feeling of falling, not love) unless I believe that she likes me
back.
I am now more rational.

I'm too emotional. I think I'll ever master being rational when it comes to attraction.

You are right, that would never work. At least, it would only be a potential friendship, and not a real romantic interest.

Still, you have to have the "she/he likes me" aspect, otherwise it will only be your own personal dream and fantasy, which will crash sooner or later.

Yes you're right, it will crash, but your feelings don't know that. They grow regardless.

Yes, I asked them based on logic. I looked for girls I like and who are most likely to like me back. For example, sure from the first impression someone loud, fun, exciting and extroverted seems attractive, but I rationally know that they are not a good match for me. I may find such girls attractive, but I would never date someone like that and I can't fall for them. I don't see why it's surprising that I developed feelings these girls I rationally chose. I chose them because I thought they would be a good match for me. Similarly, my friend introduced me to my fiance because he rationally thought we would be a good match because we have a lot in common.


Ok, now I understand why men say than women like bad guys But seriously, if there's two similarly physically attractive guys. One has more qualities which you value and the other one has less. Aren't you much more likely to fall in love with the one who has more good qualities? Or are you saying that for you love is random?

Well I'm jealous, that all seems quite ideal.

Also, what are the odds of meeting two similar men interested in me. You take what you can get.

What I'm saying is, don't be angry with someone who has feelings and you don't think they've made a rational choice when they fell emotionally.

I'm just shouting into the wind. The person who said that to me can't hear me.

I agree with hurtloam here, I don't understand why some people get angry if a friend falls for them.

This is a typical friendzone scenario, where the fancied party gets angry at the falling (and if she is girl she usually accuse the guy he befriended her for sex only).

I don't understand this drama reaction.
"Booohoo, you betrayed our friendship, boohoo you want me for sex only " - I don't get this bs.
In fact, a friend falling for me, would be viewed in a more special way by me even if the feeling isn't mutual.

No, how can I help her if she refuses to help me, and love should be a mutual feeling

You can avoid it by not going obsessive with somebody unless you know with a high probability that they like you back. You have that option in the beginning before you have gotten too strong feelings.

Okay, men don't understand this. I'm emotional. When I fall. I fall.

It's actually really rare for me to develop strong feelings for someone, so there have to be some good reasons for me to be triggered (for want of a better word) into starting to tumble.

It's the same as when I find music I love. There's just an exquisite combination of factors and it just happens.