Do you think you would make a good spouse/partner?

Page 1 of 3 [ 44 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

17 Jul 2016, 11:29 pm

Most of the posts I see on here focus on obtaining a partner, but that's only a small part of relationships. A lot goes into maintaining a relationship, and that doesn't come up nearly as much on these forums.

So, what do you think is necessary in maintaining relationships? Do you think you would make a good spouse/partner, or a bad spouse/partner, and what are your reasons for this?



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 46,008
Location: Houston, Texas

17 Jul 2016, 11:45 pm

I think I would be ok.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!

Now proficient in ChatGPT!


wowiexist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Nov 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 659
Location: Dallas, TX

17 Jul 2016, 11:58 pm

Communication I think is the most important thing. I think that is why aspies are bad at it, because we are bad at communicating.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,089
Location: Sweden

18 Jul 2016, 3:01 am

The most important aspect of lasting ND relationships is compatibility, not communication. If there is no compatibility, chances are it won't last, and that the ND person will get blamed for it. Communication simply cannot replace compatibility, and when there is compatibility, there are no big communication issues anyway.



anagram
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Nov 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,433
Location: 4 Nov 2012

18 Jul 2016, 3:35 am

finding a compatible person is definitely, by far, the most difficult part for me. i spend a lot of thought and energy on figuring it out. which maybe i never will, but it's a subject i'm drawn to anyway. i actually like to think about it. even if i might never get any actual results from it, i'll still want to understand it, and i'll keep trying. it's a big part of my life

now if i believe that there's compatibility and i believe that there's a realistic possibility, i can be extremely resolute, committed and dedicated. which to me doesn't mean taking to extremes things i'm already used to, but constantly figuring things out instead, and then following through even if it means big efforts. you can't get me to stop though ;). and that's part of why compatibility is so complicated. i see problems and i look for solutions. it's what i do. it didn't go that well the first time around, and i don't know if there will be a second time

but, assuming that there is compatibility... yes, definitely. i just don't assume that compatibility with anyone i'll ever come across is actually possible


_________________
404


namaste
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2011
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,365
Location: Hindustan

18 Jul 2016, 3:48 am

I have been married 16 years im bad partner, bad mother
Very moody and unrealiable
Not at all focused
Horrible cook, home maker


_________________
The only thing right in this wrong world is
WRONG PLANET


elise72
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 2 Jun 2016
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 10
Location: the Netherlands

18 Jul 2016, 3:59 am

I think compatibility is important. But it does not have to be 100%. Like when the one likes gaming and the other does not, then the gamer still needs to be able to enjoy his gaming, but also make time to enjoy things the other likes. Also a great partner for one person might be a horrible partner for another.



Ichinin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,653
Location: A cold place with lots of blondes.

18 Jul 2016, 7:03 am

Better than average.


_________________
"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring" (Carl Sagan)


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,042
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

18 Jul 2016, 7:52 am

I don't know.



lidsmichelle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 May 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 686
Location: South-eastern Washington

18 Jul 2016, 7:54 am

Compatibility and communication. I'd probably be ok, could be better with time.

Like elise72 I struggle finding someone I'm compatible. For me a lot of it is personal beliefs that I'm not willing to date someone who differs in them (considering they're human rights issues). Also my interests are weird lol.


_________________
Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


Sabreclaw
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Dec 2015
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,971

18 Jul 2016, 8:13 am

I literally spend more time in the company of locusts than I do humans. I doubt I could possibly figure out how to make a girlfriend happy. More likely I'd just ruin her life.



GGPViper
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,880

18 Jul 2016, 8:32 am

I would be a complete disaster:

- I am asexual
- I have no concept of - and no desire to engage in - social reciprocity
- I can't stand being around kids
- I detest small-talk
- I detest talk
- I detest celebrations, birthdays, parties, family gatherings or any other type of social ritual
- I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to touch my computer.

... A torn and faded 1980s Billy Idol poster will make an infinitely better partner than me... And a much better conversationalist, I am sure...



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

18 Jul 2016, 9:09 am

I'd be okay, provided I didn't have to go on shopping forays with my wife.

If she'd just leave me alone when I watch ballgames, I'd be cool, too.



Jono
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,649
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa

18 Jul 2016, 12:28 pm

Chronos wrote:
Most of the posts I see on here focus on obtaining a partner, but that's only a small part of relationships. A lot goes into maintaining a relationship, and that doesn't come up nearly as much on these forums.


Well, of course it wouldn't come up as much because people here struggle to find a partner in the first place.

Chronos wrote:
So, what do you think is necessary in maintaining relationships? Do you think you would make a good spouse/partner, or a bad spouse/partner, and what are your reasons for this?


I don't know considering that I don't have much experience regarding this but I'd say that communication, even verbal communication is absolutely vital, considering that that is thing that we most struggle with and is probably going to be the biggest cause of relationship difficulties when they happen. Trouble is, NT's often don't seem to want to expend more effort into communication than they would if they were in a relationship with another NT. They seem to want us to just "read" them despite our difficulties in doing so.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,256
Location: Pacific Northwest

18 Jul 2016, 12:44 pm

I think it would depend on the person. I think I am good to my husband. It has to do with being compatible and having things in common and what your needs are and theirs. If you are introverted let's say and your partner is extroverted, that will make it hard in the relationship so neither of them might be good partners for each other. Or if you have anxiety let's say, that might make you a bad partner to someone but then again their lack of understanding and them not being equipped to deal with it also wouldn't make them good partners either for you.


_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.


androbot01
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2014
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,746
Location: Kingston, Ontario, Canada

18 Jul 2016, 12:56 pm

I have made a terrible partner in the past. And nothing has changed to indicate I would be any better at it now. I am solitary, often disgruntled for no reason with bursts of inappropriate passion. My current sexual partner and I live separately and that works fine.
I've always resisted partnering as I inevitably find reason to be better off on my own.