As a male with Asperger's, I knew very early on that acting and pretending to be confident in various areas of life would help big time. Just like my father, I am an excellent actor and to be honest, it has worked greatly for me. I knew a lot of 'players', (guys who got lots of girls) growing up, so I merely acted as they did and definitely had fun and a few relationships over the years. But all the acting just left me feeling empty inside.
I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that the only reason I ended up with good looking girls is because I acted like I knew exactly what I was doing and furthermore, knew they'd be attracted to that, which they were. It is almost comical how easy it can be when it comes to sex, etc. Putting all the fun aside however, whenever it came to serious talking, I found myself going very, very quiet. One girl once told me she felt that she 'hadn't met the real me' and another remarked how quiet I usually am (not in a negative way) and these are the problem for me.
Once all the acting is done and dusted, I am completely directionless. It appears that I really don't know what I want in a relationship. I am a highly sexual person but every excitement period of a relationship must come to an end. And when it does, I feel very strange and it's usually then that the girl starts losing interest. I want to point out that these weren't casual partners- these were people with whom I was in a relationship with. And since this has become a repetitive thing in my life, I really cannot begin a relationship without feeling like it will all somehow end like it has done before. I feel like the worst thing I could do is admit the truth that I have Asperger's as I feel that will turn them off big time.
13 Aug 2016, 4:33 pm
