Trying to understand my boyfriend with aspergers

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I have been dating a wonderful guy with Aspergers for about a year now and normally everything is great. I love him to death and i'd do literally anything for him

But sometimes its really hard for me to understand him and what he's thinking or feeling. He won't tell me, he never really wants to talk about his feelings so sometimes we have communication problems but he is in general tried very hard to communicate with me and to understand my feelings and emotions even when he may think they're silly

A couple months ago he mentioned moving in together, and it made me really happy. We didn't really discuss it further at the moment because we couldn't like actually do it at the moment, but he seemed to be really into the idea. We practically live together, like we are together 5 days out of 7 in a week give or take a day. Sometimes we're together for like two weeks straight it really just depends. He said he really liked having me around.

He needs a lot of space and alone time. Most of the time we spend together is just cohabiting in the same room. He's always on his computer, he'll play videogames for most of the day and occasionally get up and come over to me and give me some love while i'm doing whatever i'm doing, normally homework or watching tv. Sometimes we spend the whole day together or big chunks of it, but not normally and i'm okay with that, because I understand his need for space and to do his own thing.

So I thought everything was fine and that our relationship was progressing well and then suddenly one day he was on his computer and I asked him if he wanted to get off in a couple hours and maybe watch some of the TV show we had been watching together, and he just scoffed and was like "you know what, I don't like you here all the time. I'm never alone anymore. It's like you don't have your own life" I was so confused, because just a couple weeks earlier he wanted to live with me? And that hurt, because I do have my own life, I just was going through a rough time inbetween jobs and struggling with depression and anxiety so I guess I was laying around the house a little more than I would've liked to, but It wasn't like I was happy with the situation and I was actively looking for a job etc. Later that day he came up to me and told me that he didn't entirely mean what he said and he loves me, but he asked me to try and bother him less when he's on the computer because he "needs to be able to do his own thing and have me be okay with it" so I was like "okay thats fine I understand"

So I made a bigger effort to bother him less, to go out with my friends more, hang out with my family more. Just generally be more independent I guess, even though I never really looked at myself as dependent? Anyways, its been months since this interaction and things have more or less gone back to normal. I still spend most of my time with him, and every now and then he'll be like "Wanna go home for a few days? I need some alone time" And then I don't see him for like two or three days and then I come back and its all rainbows and butterflies again. But he's never mentioned living together again, even though he seemed so into it. It was like he just so suddenly changed his mind and there was nothing I could do. It hurt. Do you think he just doesn't want to at all anymore? Or maybe just not right now? I don't know.

And just this past week everything was fine we were super lovey and having a good time together. One night he had stayed up all night long on the computer (he does this, he will play all night into the afternoon of the next day and refuse to move. It's so strange to me) I left his house to go to a family event and the plan was for me to come back afterwards. Well he texted me when he woke up and asked me to come back another day, he does this so I didn't think much of it. Then days kept passing and he still didn't invite me back. Eventually I asked if he wanted to hang out and he just ignored the texts instead of answering them! So i texted him and was like "please just tell me the truth" like this was so scary to me. I thought he was angry and going to leave me or something. but when I finally talked to him he said he wasn't mad at me at all and just needed some space. I'm trying to be understanding but I haven't seen him in like a week and I miss him a lot. He says he misses me, but I also don't understand that. How do you miss someone but then blatantly still want to be away from them? I guess like i understand this need for space but I have a hard time not taking it personally.

I saw him earlier today for a little bit and I was all cuddled up to him and he was totally fine and loving on me he even told me he missed me. and I asked if he wanted to hang out with me again soon, and he said yes and that he misses me. Then I asked if he wanted to hang out when I got off work, and he said maybe and to text him later around the time he normally wakes up because he was too tired to negotiate! I just don't get it. How is this a negotiation? I just want to see him. I haven't been away from him for longer than 3 days since we've started dating. Hes become part of my routine, he's very comforting to me and I've had a rough week. I just want some love, and he knows this. And acknowledges it, but still doesn't want to see me! Hes not mad at me or annoyed or anything, he just doesn't want to see me or text me often?

Another thing that sometimes bothers is me is that he has a very low sex drive. When we first got together he was all over me all the time and he covered me with compliments all day long. And now he barely seems to notice when I dress up for him, this makes me feel bad and like i'm not sexy. But he seems to think he tells me how good looking I am all the time, but he really doesn't. He never wants to reassure me of things or be verbally affectionate. He just thinks that I should know he loves my body and the way I look so he shouldn't have to tell me often. Which i guess I do know, but sometimes when i'm feeling insecure i'd rather him just tell me i'm pretty and he loves me than lecture me about "what I should know"

Can anyone explain this who understands? Because I'm so emotionally driven and I just think differently then him. I've done research about aspergers syndrome a lot so I can understand him more, but I think in some situations I just need input from other people with aspergers or someone who has more experience being in a long term relationship with an aspie

thank you!

Anyone?

Wish I could, but I've never had a relationship, also spies are different person to person.

Closest I had was a week where a girl stayed with me, and it did start to get irritating, but we spent the whole time together and watched movies. I didn't get to do any of the things I'd normally do. I don't think I'd have a problem if I was able to still have time to play my games or read on the net. I've yet to experience that though. I'm also more of a clingy and touchy person then other aspies. She went away for a day during the week and I was super upset and cried. I get really attached to people not just love interests. Usually it's others who get tired of being around me.

Sometimes spies do want more alone time than NT's. How does he have the time to play computer games so much, like through the night and into the next afternoon? Does he have a job or are still in school?

You know, it depends. I dated someone a few years ago but the problem is that she lived too far away and it got to me that we didn't get to see each other that often.

hmm I cannot really understand that even though I have aspergers, I couldn't be in a relationship with someone like that..it would be hard for me to go a full day let alone multiple days without seeing or hearing from my boyfriend, it would be like constantly being ghosted. Either way doesn't seem like a trait he wants to change about himself anytime soon. If so much time apart isn't something you can handle then you might need to have a serious talk with him about it and be honest.

But also it sounds like he's a bit addicted to the computer, with how he snapped at you about bothering him too much and not having your own life because you asked him if he'd like to watch a show with you in a couple hours after having been on the computer for hours already. I mean i hate to say it but it sounds like he enjoys spending time with his computer more than he enjoys spending time with you.

If you've met one Aspie, you've met one Aspie. Just like Neurotipicals, Aspies are also each different. Some may need more space than others, and some may be more clingy than others. It may also depend on high stress leverls too. Some prefer alone time during these periods of high stress levels. If you are unable to handle these periods with him, and the numerous other things that go along with dating an Aspie, Then living with an Aspie is going to be that much harder. Perhaps this might not be the best thing for you or him. I am not trying to be a downer, but I am just trying to be realistic. Even as affectionate, loving, caring, and giving as my boyfriend is, he also doesn't express his feelings in a way that most would find acceptable. We also do not talk every day, nor does he do all of those other things either... He does tell me he loves me, and I however, have figured out his silent ways of communicating to me how he feels. Perhaps, this is the key. Learning his way of communicating. These relationships can work, BUT, they do take a lot of selfless determination, hard work on both parts, and strong love on both parts. It all comes down to, how bad do you want it to work?

My dad has undiagnosed autism and he snaps at people like that often (his wife of 35 years) but he doesn't mean most of what he is saying. I do this as well...maybe more but I just feel guilty and stupid about it later.

Anyways...sometimes you just can't take what we say too seriously unless we are more sober minded at the time.

He's being a jerk. Nothing to do with ASD.

Either he fix it now and for good or you will. Leave him.

Thats why dogs are better. They don't pull that crap.