Bridgette77 wrote:
dogsforlife112 wrote:
Bridgette77 wrote:
If you've met one Aspie, you've met one Aspie. Just like Neurotipicals, Aspies are also each different. Some may need more space than others, and some may be more clingy than others. It may also depend on high stress leverls too. Some prefer alone time during these periods of high stress levels. If you are unable to handle these periods with him, and the numerous other things that go along with dating an Aspie, Then living with an Aspie is going to be that much harder. Perhaps this might not be the best thing for you or him. I am not trying to be a downer, but I am just trying to be realistic. Even as affectionate, loving, caring, and giving as my boyfriend is, he also doesn't express his feelings in a way that most would find acceptable. We also do not talk every day, nor does he do all of those other things either... He does tell me he loves me, and I however, have figured out his silent ways of communicating to me how he feels. Perhaps, this is the key. Learning his way of communicating. These relationships can work, BUT, they do take a lot of selfless determination, hard work on both parts, and strong love on both parts. It all comes down to, how bad do you want it to work?
I'm dedicated to making it work. It's not so much the alone time it's how he goes about it I guess? Like tbis wouldn't be so hard for me if he sent me a reassuring text or loved on me a bit more so I didn't feel so bad. But I don't think it occurs to him to do that because to him I should know he loves me. It's just hard for me to accept this lonely feeling.
Unfortunately, a lot of times, not in all cases, but in a lot of cases, a lot of Aspies do think it should be understood that they do love you. In their way of thinking, it shouldn't have to be revalidated time and time again. I think this is one of the Neurotipical things that mystifies them greatly... It's not going to occur to him to automatically do these things. You need to be direct and tell him what you need. However, that been said, there are going to be times, when he will need time to himself, because some do require that. Now, if he is taking more time for himself, than with you, perhaps he isn't going to be a good match for you. Sometimes, if he is absorbed in himself, he might need to be reeled back in. He's not going to automatically know when you need/want him to be there for you. So, tell him.
I think he's a good match for me. I don't necessarily mind him wanting his space. I don't care if he's on the computer while I'm over, I just like his presence. We need to work on communication, I don't really know how to communicate with him because I have no idea what he's thinking most of the time. I try, but I really don't. So I know it'll be a journey, I don't want to give up on him.
I think I need to learn how to communicate with him better because I didn't even see this stint of alone time coming and usually I can tell when he starts to want to be alone, and I back off a little bit. But I thought he was fine.
I haven't seen him for a significant amount of time in a week, which sucks but like I'll live. The other day I was with him for a few minutes and he told me he was using this time alone to get his life on track. He's going through s**t, and he doesn't want me around while he figures it out. Now I can accept this, but I don't get it. I really don't, I'm normally very empathetic but it's hard for me to understand why someone would want to suffer all alone, when he knows I'd go to the ends of the earth to help him. And to me, when I'm sad I turn to him. I find comfort in him just holding me and saying nothing, and I want to do this for him. I want to provide the same type of support I seek, and it's hard for me to accept that he doesn't want that.
12 Sep 2016, 3:32 pm
