Girlfriend's ex is staying at her house for a fortnight

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Apparently he's staying there to 'do some decorating'.

Every time somebody has made a mug of me, I've been more angry with myself than with them, because I've given that someone a ridiculous amount of benefit of the doubt in every case.

Now, her house is tiny. There are only two bedrooms, one of which is her daughter's, and the settee is no way big enough for a man to sleep on. She's sex mad and I know my own libido is nowhere near what she'd like it to be. There's no way nothing's going to happen. I've never met this bloke, but the way she's talked about him, there's obviously a lot of affection still there.

She says I'm being ridiculous. I don't think I am. I think I'm being taken for a bloody idiot.

Decorating, eh? That's what they call it these days?

She's for sure playing you for a mug. You can either play along because she's worth it, ditch her, or confront her (but it sounds like that's not working.)

Don't beat yourself up for being trusting; it's not your fault the world is full of users.

Thanks, mate.

I think I'm going to jump ship before it hits the coming rocks.

Cheers

Actually Peter North has been called "the decorator" for quite some time, it's nothing new lol.

Btw OP it's totally ok for you to not want her ex to sleep at her house alone with her, I think.

Totally unacceptable. No f*****g way. No way this can be trusted. Especially if you're saying she's not fully satisfied sexually and this guy satisfied her. Once you're involved with someone who you had great sex with, it's hard to be satisfied with less long term. Even if the rest is great. And if said person wants to come by for a weekend f**k fest, it'd be nearly impossible to turn down.

Thanks for the reassurance that it's not me who's being unreasonable.

If the boot was on the other foot, if it was me inviting an ex to stay with me... I'd never expect a partner to be okay with it. I'd certainly not tell them they're the ones being ridiculous for having an anxiety about it.

I'd be more insulted by the fact she thinks you'll believe this nonsense than her intentions to cheat.

So now you have two reasons to dump her.

This is an excellent point. I'd too be insulted to a degree. It's very transparent...

OP, how long have you guys been dating?

We've been 'together' for nearly three years, and I'm somewhat embarrassed to say that she is a manipulative and abusive partner. I've tried to end the relationship many times because of her behaviour, but she turns into a very scary stalker until I cave in.

Things have been better between us since I moved onto my boat, but I'm not going to put up with this.

Thanks again for backing up what's in my mind. It's good to have second opinions, because she will do her best to make me feel like I'm the one in the wrong.

Is he the father of her daughter too?

You are totally rational and in the right. I know this manipulation well. You are right and stand by that. Dont allow her to make you feel otherwise. Even if she is not intending on sleeping with him, if you are in a relationship she should understand how this looks and respect your insecurity as it's not too much to ask...

No. I believe he was dumped for the father of her daughter because he didn't want kids, or couldn't have them or something like that.

The kid's father was staying there on and off after he got kicked out of his flat, but has returned to his country of origin in Eastern Europe now.

I put up with that situation, then just a few weeks later, there's another ex in her house! It's just getting silly, but not as silly as she apparently thinks I am.



Thanks, Beaky. I can't tell you just how much it's worth to have other people reassuring me that I'm rational.

So it already happened that an ex was sleeping at her house? If so, are you sure nothing happened between them?

Last edited by Peacesells on 25 Sep 2016, 2:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think it is reasonable to be bothered by this, I'd be pretty upset if my boyfriend wanted to go spend a weekend alone with an ex regardless of reasons given. Why can't he stay in a motel or something and help with the 'decorating' during the day rather than staying with her...does seem kinda suspicious to me.

edit* after reading the rest of the thread I'd say its definitely a good idea to end the relationship with her, sounds like a nightmare and you'll only get drained into a shell of your former self by her manipulation...that doesn't sound good.

If you didn't get horns yet then it means you have an accute calcium deficit.

Or

It means you're smart enough and you knew it from the start.