Austistic men suck at dating

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Sorry if I'm offending anyone, but sometimes I find myself being just as frustrated as everyone else when it comes to other people's autistic behavior, even though I exhibit most of them myself. I just had an exchange with a guy with AS and everything seemed fine until he asked me if I had a certain social media account and if we could continue a conversation on there. I told him I did not but offered an alternative social media account that I was on instead. His responded by saying that that was too bad and he was sorry for bothering me and just cut off communication. What the hell?????

I'm not sure if he took my initial response of me saying that I didn't have a certain social media account as a rejection of him...I don't feel like it came across that way, but maybe it did. Who knows?

To all the men on the spectrum out there: If a girl responds to your messages more than twice, it probably means she's interested and you should try a little harder.....

I can't believe how hard it's been to even try to pursue and/or date people on the spectrum.

Even just trying to befriend them is very difficult.

This might be a generalization, but N.T.'s are far more likely to be similar, it's almost like you can approach dating them with proven formulas.

Aspies throw that out the door.

Personally, I'm sick and tired of seeing so many N.T. women complain about their aspie boyfriend's/husbands and just how cold/distant/unempathetic/difficult they are.

I'm so jealous and would kill to be in their position and have a girlfriend who genuinely cares about m.

There's so many aspie men who have always been single and lonely for many years and would actually make amazing boyfriends but it seems all the extremely hard to deal with or even the genuine abusive/ar5ehøle aspie men end up with women they don't even appreciate or seem to love back.

I noticed people who are lonely who complained the most were the most fussy, picky and judgemental. I've seen a huge correlation with that.

It never used to make sense to me, but it does these days. Even if that person doesn't reject you, they somehow push you away in other ways.

I suck at dating, I suck nipp..*

/censored.

Something that seems like a simple request to you might involve a complicated and stressful process for someone else.

In former times, among those around me, it was known that I have some degree of technical competence. As a result of this I was often asked to perform "simple" IT tasks for people.

However, what might be regarded as "simple" to the average person - let's say creating a web page - will be an immensely complicated process for me because I have to investigate everyone and everything that will be participating in that process.

I have to investigate the host.
I have to investigate the domain registrar.
I have to investigate the cash transfer method and agency.
I have to investigate security measures of the host.
I have to investigate every part of the web site for security holes.
I have to create a forward looking business plan.
I have to create graphics that don't have browser issues.
I have to create pages that obey standards and work on mobile devices.
I have to be responsible for creating the entire face of someone else's business
I have to check security of the server software.
I have to check security of the host OS.

That list goes on and on and on.

After I've done all that...and I've done it a few times now and not been paid for doing it.

I get told that it would look better on something like blogspot. If you know anything about incorporating custom code into blogspot or other similar services then you know that is a whole nightmare in itself and it's one I'm not prepared to deal with.

I don't tell people I know anything about IT anymore. I can't handle the stress of the processes involved with dealing with other people's IT solutions. I certainly can't handle the stress of not being paid for days, maybe even weeks of work and being told that everything I've done looks like s**t just because I'm "old school" about internet security and standards based functionality.

Similarly, moving onto a social network is a nightmare.

The whole network would have to be investigated. Who is providing the network? Who provides the who? Who provides the who who provides the who? Where is it hosted? What laws must the host of communicable traffic be subject too based upon the host location? Does that country have abilities of extradition? Has the network got security issues? Does the network support functionality over eye-candy and work correctly with all my browsers and network configurations? Does it obey standards of code and protocol? Has the network got a history of being hacked, selling personal information and private messages? What is the network's policy on publishing rights and content rights? What arrangements does the network have with law enforcement and potential government black-ops? Is their network secure? Does it use satisfactory, generally poor or bogus HTTPS? Do they use encryption? What level of encryption, what methods are used and where is it used on their servers? If it's not legal encryption then does that mean they've given law enforcement back-door access? Does the network require the ability to run scripts on my machine? What is the script doing? Is it activating my web cam and my microphone? Is it taking screen shots of my desktop when I'm filling out my credit card details? Does it have access to my filesystem or my hardware in any way? Does it record details of my browser fingerprint, usage meta and ISP details? How long does it keep that data and where? Why? Does the network wait for me to get settled for a few weeks and then lock my account on grounds of "suspicious activity - please insert credit card to prove you're real"?

Holy crap...

Using social networks is a nightmare. That little list is just the tip of the iceberg. That's kinda the beginning of what goes through my mind when I consider registering and/or logging into an online network or other communication service.

That process is very stressful and when someone expects me to just be with them in five moments through some form of online communication...I know it could take me five weeks or even five months before I'd be ready to register an account - and after that five weeks or five months I might not be willing to do so if the policies of the policies don't meet my standards.

Sometimes, especially if I'm already stressed out and/or have other projects on the go, it's just easier to say: "No, see ya later", than experience all the stress actuated by experiencing the meer thought of that process.

If that seemed awkward, then even "going out for a meal" can be difficult for some people.

What are the kitchen standards? Where did the food come from? Who is cooking it? Can I see ingredients of everything involved in case there's an additive I don't like the look of? What about GMO? Maybe I'm allergic to dairy or gluten or soy or nut or wheat or egg or meat or certain preservatives, flavourings, colourings? What if I've got a moral issue with certain "ingredients" that I don't believe should be "ingredients"? What if they short-change me in the bar and I end up in a scuffle that leads to me having a scuffle with the law and then being arrested and then losing my house and my property and going to jail? What if they don't have the only thing there that I'd be willing to eat? What if I eat something and become ill for a week and can't work and then lose my job because someone spilt the putrefied corpse juice of long dead oyster on my salad?

Sometimes it's just easier to say: "No, see ya later" than experience all the stress actuated by the mere thought of that process.

What about talking on the phone?

Who else is listening? What if I say something revealing and it's been recorded by a company that has a deal with a government who now has me on a hit list because I've done or said something they didn't like this month?....Who might those companies be? Where are they? Where are their servers? What are their watchwords? What software/hardware are they using for voice recognition?

...

You get the picture?

That's the way the world works for certain hypothetical someone's out there. That's just the first few things I'm thinking of in order to demonstrate a hypothetical someone's experience of the social world and I'm not even remotely close to being a genius. Imagine what the world is like for someone with a high resolution mind who can break down reality into physics or even metaphysics. What about people considering radiation levels, magnetic fields and viruses and chance statistics of fatalities/illness with regards to certain roads, locations, objects?

They'd never leave the house and even that - existence itself - would be nothing short of a nightmare while being exposed to all this information that NEVER STOPS and can't be switched off.

"You get the picture?"

They probably didn't read that far.

And I used to suck at dating. I'm not much better.
It's no doubt to do with the emotional aspect and normalcy of dating.
There's just certain normal behaviour I can't do or ways I can't be in public or with other people.
All focus seems to end up going on managing the date rather than enjoying it or the girl I'm with.
I don't know if the same applies to others here.

Firstly, in-person, I find that I'm not fearful of other people, or of myself. Many people might be smart-enough, to be smooth, or to make suggestions, were they not so apprehensive.

But, the online dating services mainly generate bulk responses from spambots (for men).

The typical conversation usually shows a picture of a very-plastic female. (I appreciate the niceties, but sometimes you can tell it's a model.)

They ask you to keep messaging on a different service, or a different address, until you are eventually asked for a credit card number.

The more you respond to, the more you get, and it has even led to several court cases, for false advertising.

(I don't have the time and money, to do that, so imagine it's probably an ambulance-chaser playing the lottery.)

I also notice illicit people, along the lines of prostitutes, dealers in hard drugs, and rock bottom sex addicts, flagging legitimate ads. It's like you were intruding for just being normal.

There are alot of things that can go wrong, that have nothing to do with peoples' game.