My aspie husband is convinced about divorce and wont budge

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I hate to say it, but based on emotions, no, he's probably not going to change his mind.

If I may be perfectly honest, I'm starting to think you were tricked into getting married under false pretenses. You have an aspie husband, and we aspies are notorious for having difficulties getting relationships, let alone marriage and family. This looks to me like how some parents get prostitutes for their aspie boys. Entirely speculation, I know, but that's how it looks to me. They set him up on a fake 10-month courtship, got you married, and as soon as the sham marriage served its purpose, he ran back home to mommy. I'd almost wager that some money was exchanged somewhere along the way.

He's not hiding despondent in some emotional shell. He's laughing his @$$ off.

Arranged marriages are not about love. If we're being honest, marriage shouldn't be about love, arranged or not. At least not the emotions of love. It's more complex than that, but it always has to stand on something more concrete than the shifting sands of emotion. Arranged marriages give you an advantage, but in your case you've been reduced to little more than a piece of meat in the market (a strong disadvantage of arranged marriages).

And I STILL say make him pay or reconcile. Clean his clocks. If your marriage laws allow you to do this, take him to the cleaners and get alimony if you can. Make it cheaper to stay together and make the marriage work. Don't let him off easy. What they are doing to you is WRONG, and I don't care what religion or anti-religion you follow. If you have any options at all, don't tolerate it.

Angelrho,

No, no monetary transaction took place. Is there any way other than litigation where i can get him back? He used to be very romantic during courtship days... Suddenly he went cold! I really miss our good times!

I understand your resistance to litigation. Marriage is sacred and not the business of government or the court system. I despise suggesting going the divorce route. I'm frightened by how easy it is in my country. I have a lot of faith and trust in my wife and all the years we've gotten to know each other and resolve issues as they come up. It's entirely too easy to involve the courts in something in which they really have no proper place.

So you don't use government to save your marriage. You use it to protect yourself from harm.

Seriously, I think you were set up. I don't think your guy ever really wanted to be married in the first place. I think he wanted the easy access to a woman and followed all the little dance steps to get there. And then either he figured out that marriage isn't really that easy, or he manufactured this little hissy fit of his after 3 months as an excuse to end the marriage after he got what he wanted.

The choice is simple. He honors his commitment to you or he compensates you fairly for your loss.

I don't know your laws, of course. I THINK you can file for abandonment after 2 years. But, geez, that's putting your life on hold for 2 years. Stay strong and do NOT agree to what we call a NFD/ID, (no fault/irreconcilable differences). You actually WANT to repair things, you're willing to do what it takes, you're working with a marriage counselor, so you can prove that your differences are not irreconcilable. He's just being a big baby and needs to grow up. So this is not your fault. He's the one not cooperating.

There are some different directions you can take this. Here's my favorite scenario that my wife and I have discussed: If one of us is crazy enough to leave the other, obviously he or she is too unstable to function in society. Call the men in the white coats and lock me or her in the psych ward at the hospital. You preserve the marriage. The down side is risking making your mate a ward of the state. Make your husband a mental patient and be his caretaker. It's risky and may not work, but my wife would seriously do that to me if I tried to leave her.

I mentioned impotency before. That puts him in the unfortunate position of having to defend himself. Maybe the court would believe him if you had children together...

Sue on grounds of mental illness, you might actually have a good case. That would damage his reputation, and who's going to want him after that?

Abandonment...this is the obvious one. But it takes two years in your country for that. Two years is a long time. A very, VERY loooooooong time. Anything can happen in two years. He can cheat on you since you're technically still married. Then you just tack on adultery to his list of offenses.

Remember: you are only trying to protect yourself. That is all. This is not revenge. And unfortunately he runs the risk of getting hurt if he refuses to cooperate with you. You don't want to hurt him, but he's leaving you little choice.

If he's determined enough, he'll get a divorce one way or another. I just think that if he only wants to screw you over, the least you should do is make it extremely difficult for him. You deserve better than that.