I have my first date coming up and I don't know what to do..

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ParallaxDG
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27 Nov 2016, 11:45 pm

Hi guys, the last week has been a wild ride for me. I went from feeling so low and depressed to actually getting a date. I am 23 is this is my first real date. I've only talked to this girl online for a few days but she is cute, funny, and we have lots in common. Our date is Wednesday and I don't know what I'm going to do. Can anyone give me some dating tips, dos/don'ts on a first date, etc.? I am a nervous wreck and I want to feel more confident and know what to do lol. Any help will be greatly appreciated! :D



AnonymousAnonymous
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28 Nov 2016, 5:29 pm

Here are links that could be of interest to you.

http://www.wikihow.com/Prepare-For-a-Date

http://www.wikihow.com/Impress-Someone-on-a-First-Date


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izzeme
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29 Nov 2016, 3:22 am

If the activity isn't set yet, make sure you do something that isn't stressful to you; a first date is stressful enough (especially if it is your first first date); opt for a walk trough a park over an open-air bandstage, go to a small coffee cafe rather than a larger bar.

Also, be prepared for any outcome: buy a pack of condoms just in case, but make sure that your date doesn't see them on you.
Showing (or even telling) that you have them wil give her the wrong message, but having them when asked will give you bonus points, as you show responsibility and the ability to prepare.



Shahunshah
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29 Nov 2016, 3:25 am

First dates aren't easy for the majority of the human race I don't think. I therefore don't think you need to worry about coming across as a little timid and anxious at first trust me many people are like that. She might even be feeling the same way herself.



ParallaxDG
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29 Nov 2016, 3:31 am

Thanks for the replies guys, I'm just really nervous but I think I'll be fine. Some questions: If the date goes well is it acceptable to give a kiss at the end? And if it goes really well how do I tell her I want to have a relationship with her?



Shahunshah
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29 Nov 2016, 3:33 am

Well isn't a relationship a given for any couple should the date go well?



Jono
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29 Nov 2016, 4:50 am

If it's your first time meeting her then I'd recommend meeting in a public place like a coffee shop or something. It makes her feel more comfortable meeting strange man and it's better for you.



Jono
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29 Nov 2016, 4:53 am

ParallaxDG wrote:
Some questions: If the date goes well is it acceptable to give a kiss at the end? And if it goes really well how do I tell her I want to have a relationship with her?


For your first question, make sure that she's okay with you kissing her before trying it. For your second question, don't ask her that right away, if the date goes well, you can organise a second one later and a relationship will develop naturally over time if all goes well.



Jono
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29 Nov 2016, 4:55 am

Shahunshah wrote:
Well isn't a relationship a given for any couple should the date go well?


No, it's not a given. Technically, dating is about getting to know someone, it's not yet the main relationship.



whatamievendoing
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29 Nov 2016, 5:40 am

A café is usually a good place for a first date. :wink:


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Alliekit
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29 Nov 2016, 6:20 am

ParallaxDG wrote:
Thanks for the replies guys, I'm just really nervous but I think I'll be fine. Some questions: If the date goes well is it acceptable to give a kiss at the end? And if it goes really well how do I tell her I want to have a relationship with her?


Maybe a kiss on the cheek and see how that goes. I would wait a couple of dates to get to know her until you ask her to be your gf



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29 Nov 2016, 1:54 pm

One thing I've tried in the past is to think in advance of things to talk about, conversation starters etc. Or of any anecdotes you might want to work into the night. If in the days coming up to the date you think of something you might want to mention or talk about add it to the list. Keep a brief list of these on your phone that you can look at surreptitiously during the date (or when in the toilet etc) to keep in mind things to talk about if the conversation starts to run dry. Try and keep things "even" as well, don't just talk about yourself and don't just fire questions at her as the former makes you look like you don't care about her and the latter makes it feel more like a job interview than a date. So talk about yourself, tell her things about yourself, but also remember to ask her things and talk about things you know are of interest to her and not just things of interest to you.



Alliekit
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29 Nov 2016, 3:14 pm

Chichikov wrote:
One thing I've tried in the past is to think in advance of things to talk about, conversation starters etc. Or of any anecdotes you might want to work into the night. If in the days coming up to the date you think of something you might want to mention or talk about add it to the list. Keep a brief list of these on your phone that you can look at surreptitiously during the date (or when in the toilet etc) to keep in mind things to talk about if the conversation starts to run dry. Try and keep things "even" as well, don't just talk about yourself and don't just fire questions at her as the former makes you look like you don't care about her and the latter makes it feel more like a job interview than a date. So talk about yourself, tell her things about yourself, but also remember to ask her things and talk about things you know are of interest to her and not just things of interest to you.


This is brilliant advice for any aspie!!



Purzel50
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29 Nov 2016, 7:34 pm

I would chime in with a few points:
a) do not go to a movie, you cannot interact with her there in meaningful way
b) a cafe is a good place - in public and not too loud - so that you can easily talk; bars are not good either - too noisy
c) eye contact is important, but don't stare at her like you are looking at a car wreck
d) bring her a little gift - chocolates or something
e) show an interest in her life without hiding yours, let her talk to you more than you to her, and listen carefully
f) do not hide your condition, tell her upfront that you have some trouble understanding and relating to people but that you are willing to try and are otherwise a good person; tell her some emotional stories of your family or when you felt hurt because of your slight "otherness", if she cannot accept that right from the beginning, she never will



mistersprinkles
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29 Nov 2016, 8:54 pm

Jono wrote:
ParallaxDG wrote:
Some questions: If the date goes well is it acceptable to give a kiss at the end? And if it goes really well how do I tell her I want to have a relationship with her?


For your first question, make sure that she's okay with you kissing her before trying it. For your second question, don't ask her that right away, if the date goes well, you can organise a second one later and a relationship will develop naturally over time if all goes well.


Dude... no... There is nothing more lame than "can I kiss you". You need to be able to sense if she wants you to kiss her and go from there. You'll totally kill any magic that might be there if you ask first. Let's not do this whole "safe space" nonsense.



Purzel50
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29 Nov 2016, 9:08 pm

Completely disagree with that statement.
We are on this website precisely BECAUSE we have a hard time sensing body language, otherwise we would not be "aspies". Ask her first. If she can't tolerate the question (I don't mean if she says yes or no, but just can't tolerate the question), you will not get anywhere and should not waste further time with her. If she continues to stay "mysterious", you will never get along with her with your condition.