Forever Alone

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Hello... People usually don't respond to my posts (in any forum); so I hope I'll get some replies here. I'll soon turn 24 years old and have never had a girlfriend. I go to university. I dislike bars. I rarely meet girls because: I feel generally uneasy among them; and they are basically not interested (in any way). The uneasiness comes from the fact that when I talk to someone I think that she is already a (to-be) girlfriend of mine. That is a big problem! I basically become more conscious of my gesture and eye contact, and that makes me feel uncomfortable. Secondly, it's about finding somebody who shares your beliefs and thoughts. And that is very important to me, to the point of necessity. I'm feeling so alone not only because I don't have a companion, but because I don't generally dare to show my thoughts and opinions, or want to. I'm an atheist: the word alone sounds evil to many around me. I'm not inclined to agree with nationalism: I never understood the pride associated with one's nation for example. By now, maybe some of you have already disdained me. The list is longer. I don't want to share them. But if I actually succeed in doing so and find harmony, I'll be so happy.

I need somebody to get me out of the mundane life. I want to live a passionate life, an artistic one.
I'm feeling kind of awkward now; disclosing my thoughts, but yea...

Hey Buddy,

You sound like a cool guy.

I'm an atheist. I'm not into "nationalism."

Just hang out here, and express your opinions, and you'll get somebody to talk to here.

Hey man, I sympathize and relate.

I have had two girlfriends but both were very short, medicore, colossal failures and I did not gain much experience at all. I can't even technically say I've had my first proper kiss on the lips as I've only kissed a girl on the cheek. Still a virgin.

I've been extremely lonely and completely isolated for the last 2 years.

The thing is, if you struggle to talk to girls because you see them as a 'to-be' girlfriend, the reality is once you're in a relationship everything becomes easier.

It's the initial dating stages where you first get to know someone that are the toughest.

So maybe it'd make you a little more confident in yourself that, if you ever get a first date and do well on the date, it gets a little easier from then on out.

What you want from a relationship sounds perfectly reasonable.

Your views are not wrong at all and you shouldn't feel ashamed to them. You'd be surprised how common Atheism is becoming.

Do you live in the American South? It is one of the most religious parts of the country and very discriminatory towards Atheists.

I'm curious to know if you have low-self esteem or not because it sounds like you're afraid of expressing yourself and speaking up about your opinions.

"I need somebody to get me out of the mundane life. I want to live a passionate life, an artistic one.
I'm feeling kind of awkward now; disclosing my thoughts, but yea..."

Be careful when you say stuff like this.

Your typical Normie and sadly even many Aspies here may or may not brigade you with the idea that you must be 'happy on your own first' and 'you find love when you stop looking' and 'a relationship won't make you happy!'

I will suggest to you though that you should try to find meaning and purpose in your life on your own, but don't beat yourself up if you fail.

The truth is the vast majority of people need a positive social life and social network of all kinds of love, from the love of family and friends and yes, including romantic relationships as well.

Most people without supportive and positive social experiences succumb to depression and low self-esteem.

I say this because I know plenty of people, including myself, who try to be happy alone and work hard in their lives, but end up depressed and at many points in their life stagnant/not improving/not moving forward in life.

This is normal and natural.

Sometimes without good friends/a girlfriend we can become so lonely it makes us depressed and this drains our energy, making it even harder to be happy alone.

If you want an artistic life then why not pursue an actual art of some form? Personally I'm a musician. This can be a great way to add meaning to your life as you've created something, even if only you ever listen to it.

You are still young at age 24 however it is naive to tell yourself that it is normal to still have never been in a relationship, because it is not.

Statistically, the vast majority of people have lost their virginity by about age 19 and most people have had at least one relationship by about age 19/20 as well.

This has been my personal experiences as well that most people my age have.

This does not mean there's anything wrong with you as a person. It is abnormal, but not bad.

Last edited by Outrider on 29 Nov 2016, 8:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Is there such a stigma around atheists where you are from?

Also you actually sound like a really sweet guy so don't be so hard on yourself

Maybe exposure to women would help??

He might be in the "Bible Belt."

Sorry you live somewhere where you can't express your views . I am an atheist too and patriotism baffles me, but I don't have to think about it much either way because nobody really cares here.

You sound very nice and thoughtful, and 24 is a bit early to consider yourself 'forever alone', even if it feels like it. I'm 22 and I've never had a kiss/date/relationship/you name it. Don't give up hope.

What sort of passionate and artistic lifestyle did you have in mind?

The UK, masters of not giving a s**t.

I have tried twice to send you some advice citing from my life. I don't know why it is not getting through. I did not use any offensive language.

I can feel your frustration very well; I was a virgin until nearly 30 years of age. Reason: complete social ineptitude. I had many strikes against me: no female relatives, no girls of my age in my street, in college and grad school a male-dominated subject in the hard sciences, and worst of all a segregated school system - not by race but by gender.

My first sexual experience was with prostitutes in Thailand. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's not just sex. You spend the whole night, cuddle up and talk about your families, your desires and frustrations in life etc. There is way more human interaction here than with a garden variety drunk college girl. I would not suggest a hooker in America - legal or illegal. Travel to Asia if you can afford it and if this is acceptable to you.

Instead, be as straightforward and honest as possible upfront with girls. Don't hide your shortcomings but promote honestly and without exaggeration your positive sides, as you see them. Try to approach a plain looking and/or overweight girl. They are also marginalized by society and hurting, even though they desire attention and sex just as much as you do.

Also, try dating sites, personal ads, and specific singles functions/parties. My next few sexual experiences came from newspaper ads or dating services (the internet wasn't around then), before I mustered enough confidence to talk directly to a girl in a bar or cafe. I got good at it. In the end I picked them up in bookstores, checkout lines, even on the street. I had more than 100 intimate partners in my life - honestly. I am not trying to brag, just pointing out the possible. I don't do it anymore, since I am in my sixties and happily married now.

Good luck my friend, nothing bad lasts forever. By the way, I think you are too much concerned about that atheism/patriotism thing. Just don't go there in initial conversations.

I am atheist and I am probably seen worse than the Satanists.

Almost everywhere women are more religious than men, so that alone puts you at a disadvantage. Personally, even though I consider myself to be an atheist, I'm quite tolerant to religious people. I don't like religion itself, but I share many principles of christian faith and Pope Francis is a cool guy Would you consider dating a religious person or is that an absolute dealbreaker for you?

Thank you for your comments.
I actually belong to a Middle-Eastern minority.

I don't want to hurt the feelings of others. I don't want to become abandoned either. (Thinking even of close people.)
Consequently, this makes me feel suppressed, low-spirited, etc.
In the past, I used to express myself more openly. Apparently, social ineptitude together with constant disapproval from others transformed me to what I am today.


I'm "addicted" to music. I also play instrument, not professionally though.


Music + Nature + Literary Philosophy.


I can't date a truly religious person, not because I dislike religious people; I have friends who are religious. It's because I want a close friend too; I don't want to end up being a hypocrite. Well, if she would truly accept me as who I am, then I don't know the answer to the question.

I have a lot of family in Texas, one of them being an Uncle of mine. He is my "Godfather" and I've never had a conversation with him my whole life till recently. He was being a bigot on my brothers Facebook wall so I attempted to show him the error in his ways and ended up telling him I was an Atheist in the process. He disowned me from that second on because obviously it was the Christian thing to do. It's never a surprise to see religious people say one thing and do another and somehow we are the ones that need enlightenment.