The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,091
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
04 Dec 2016, 6:23 am
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,091
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
04 Dec 2016, 6:26 am
NorthWind wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Observation: issue on whether to tell seems to be decided by the sexs, women here saying to do it, and majority of men saying don't. Perhaps this has to do with how poeople react to a woman with aspergers vs how they react to men with aspergers.
Like others have said there are tons and tons of book and articles about aspie men and how they're bad and some few about how their good. I've never seen any about aspie women? Is it cause aspie women at least from a far would seem to match up more with what society thinks women should be like, while aspie men fly in the face of what society thinks men should be like?
Note: I'm not making assumptions I'm just obersving and asking questions out of real curiousity .
Like others have said there are tons and tons of book and articles about aspie men and how they're bad and some few about how their good. I've never seen any about aspie women? Is it cause aspie women at least from a far would seem to match up more with what society thinks women should be like, while aspie men fly in the face of what society thinks men should be like?
Note: I'm not making assumptions I'm just obersving and asking questions out of real curiousity .
Online I've generally seen more women write negative things about their exboyfriends or about how men are bad in relationships (in their opinion anyway) than men who complain in a similar way about their exgirlfriend or about women being bad in relationships. This is not to say women complain more about men than vice versa but maybe the things they tend to complain about are different. (from what I've personally seen I don't know any statistics on this so what I'm saying is pure speculation) For example, I've seen more men complain about the women they don't get than women complaining about the men they don't get - unrealistic ridiculously high standards, selfish, unfair that kind of stuff - or men complaining in general about how illogic women's thinking is etc.
What I'm trying to say is, if women truly are more prone to complaining about their exes and to generalize this to all men or one group of men, then this together with the more common autism diagnoses in men would already lead to a lot more mean articles about male aspies than female aspies. (this doesn't mean I think most men or women do this a lot)
Secondly, not all the aspies these women complain about are diagnosed and quite likely not all of them are aspies - some might instead be introverted and quite indifferent towards their girlfriend without having any psychological disorder and in other cases it might be the women who has a personality disorder or something else. That many descriptions of Aspergers Syndrome are more tailored to how it manifests itself in males also makes it more likely that a woman stumbles across it and sees her boyfriend in this description than that a man sees his girlfriend in the description - whether or not they have it. That the stereotypical aspie is male might also make it more likely that a women looks up Aspergers to find out what's wrong with her partner than that a man does the same.
Lastly, there may or may not be a gender imbalance in how many hobby-psychologists exist who like to gather superficial knowledge about disorders and diagnose people.
I'm not saying any of this is the case or the main reason for why there are many more articles bashing male aspies than female aspies; just that based on what I've observed I deem these things plausible.
The exact manifestation of symptoms of course is also on average different in men and women and the exact expectations in relationships on men and women also differ. I'm not claiming these things don't contribute to the different numbers of negative articles about male and female aspies.
sly279 wrote:
Why are aspie women good and lovable and deserving of having families but aspie men are bad and unlovable and should just die? 
Some of my family members might be nicer and more understanding than yours but I've never had a boyfriend and I have never had friends. I'm an aspie woman and if (any kind of) relationships are a measurement for how loveable a person is I am absolutely unlovable.
The people on this forum who are extremely desperate about not being able to find a lover might usually be male but that doesn't mean that aspie-women have no trouble with socializing and it also doesn't mean that every aspie-woman who would theoretically want a boyfriend - if she didn't have her disorder - or actually wants a boyfriend can get a (somewhat compatible)boyfriend.
Although being shy or insecure or initially more passive might be more accepted in women and this might facilitate some things for some aspie-women compared to their male counterparts.
Also, no one here said you should die and I don't think that anyone thinks it.
You're so right there - this is a gender phenomena (women writing complains about their relationships more than men do), not just a NT-AS thing.
04 Dec 2016, 7:43 am
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
NorthWind wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Observation: issue on whether to tell seems to be decided by the sexs, women here saying to do it, and majority of men saying don't. Perhaps this has to do with how poeople react to a woman with aspergers vs how they react to men with aspergers.
Like others have said there are tons and tons of book and articles about aspie men and how they're bad and some few about how their good. I've never seen any about aspie women? Is it cause aspie women at least from a far would seem to match up more with what society thinks women should be like, while aspie men fly in the face of what society thinks men should be like?
Note: I'm not making assumptions I'm just obersving and asking questions out of real curiousity .
Like others have said there are tons and tons of book and articles about aspie men and how they're bad and some few about how their good. I've never seen any about aspie women? Is it cause aspie women at least from a far would seem to match up more with what society thinks women should be like, while aspie men fly in the face of what society thinks men should be like?
Note: I'm not making assumptions I'm just obersving and asking questions out of real curiousity .
Online I've generally seen more women write negative things about their exboyfriends or about how men are bad in relationships (in their opinion anyway) than men who complain in a similar way about their exgirlfriend or about women being bad in relationships. This is not to say women complain more about men than vice versa but maybe the things they tend to complain about are different. (from what I've personally seen I don't know any statistics on this so what I'm saying is pure speculation) For example, I've seen more men complain about the women they don't get than women complaining about the men they don't get - unrealistic ridiculously high standards, selfish, unfair that kind of stuff - or men complaining in general about how illogic women's thinking is etc.
What I'm trying to say is, if women truly are more prone to complaining about their exes and to generalize this to all men or one group of men, then this together with the more common autism diagnoses in men would already lead to a lot more mean articles about male aspies than female aspies. (this doesn't mean I think most men or women do this a lot)
Secondly, not all the aspies these women complain about are diagnosed and quite likely not all of them are aspies - some might instead be introverted and quite indifferent towards their girlfriend without having any psychological disorder and in other cases it might be the women who has a personality disorder or something else. That many descriptions of Aspergers Syndrome are more tailored to how it manifests itself in males also makes it more likely that a woman stumbles across it and sees her boyfriend in this description than that a man sees his girlfriend in the description - whether or not they have it. That the stereotypical aspie is male might also make it more likely that a women looks up Aspergers to find out what's wrong with her partner than that a man does the same.
Lastly, there may or may not be a gender imbalance in how many hobby-psychologists exist who like to gather superficial knowledge about disorders and diagnose people.
I'm not saying any of this is the case or the main reason for why there are many more articles bashing male aspies than female aspies; just that based on what I've observed I deem these things plausible.
The exact manifestation of symptoms of course is also on average different in men and women and the exact expectations in relationships on men and women also differ. I'm not claiming these things don't contribute to the different numbers of negative articles about male and female aspies.
sly279 wrote:
Why are aspie women good and lovable and deserving of having families but aspie men are bad and unlovable and should just die?
Some of my family members might be nicer and more understanding than yours but I've never had a boyfriend and I have never had friends. I'm an aspie woman and if (any kind of) relationships are a measurement for how loveable a person is I am absolutely unlovable.
The people on this forum who are extremely desperate about not being able to find a lover might usually be male but that doesn't mean that aspie-women have no trouble with socializing and it also doesn't mean that every aspie-woman who would theoretically want a boyfriend - if she didn't have her disorder - or actually wants a boyfriend can get a (somewhat compatible)boyfriend.
Although being shy or insecure or initially more passive might be more accepted in women and this might facilitate some things for some aspie-women compared to their male counterparts.
Also, no one here said you should die and I don't think that anyone thinks it.
You're so right there - this is a gender phenomena (women writing complains about their relationships more than men do), not just a NT-AS thing.
To be honest no woman wants to be a moaning nag it seems our priorities and thought process differs.
04 Dec 2016, 8:05 am
Not great with slang but I think this is where the word SALTY would apply. 
She's obviously bitter about some failed relationship between her and an Aspie. Guess it's easier to blame the diagnosis than accept that maybe she was part of the reason the relationship faltered.
04 Dec 2016, 10:32 am
saffron wrote:
Not great with slang but I think this is where the word SALTY would apply.
She's obviously bitter about some failed relationship between her and an Aspie. Guess it's easier to blame the diagnosis than accept that maybe she was part of the reason the relationship faltered.
She's obviously bitter about some failed relationship between her and an Aspie. Guess it's easier to blame the diagnosis than accept that maybe she was part of the reason the relationship faltered.
What she writes makes me wonder if she ever had a relationship that didn't fail badly and if she never did she should really consider that maybe part of the reasons her relationships fail is herself. Some people are just prone to always pick the wrong partner but in her case it's probably not just the partners who were wrong.
The blog post Jono mentioned from one year ago is full of nothing but anger and hatred. Not only does the intense involvement of emotions not lend her any credibility at all but it also looks like she might have some pretty severe issues.
04 Dec 2016, 1:13 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,091
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
04 Dec 2016, 1:17 pm
04 Dec 2016, 1:26 pm
04 Dec 2016, 1:39 pm
NorthWind wrote:
saffron wrote:
Not great with slang but I think this is where the word SALTY would apply.
She's obviously bitter about some failed relationship between her and an Aspie. Guess it's easier to blame the diagnosis than accept that maybe she was part of the reason the relationship faltered.
She's obviously bitter about some failed relationship between her and an Aspie. Guess it's easier to blame the diagnosis than accept that maybe she was part of the reason the relationship faltered.
What she writes makes me wonder if she ever had a relationship that didn't fail badly and if she never did she should really consider that maybe part of the reasons her relationships fail is herself. Some people are just prone to always pick the wrong partner but in her case it's probably not just the partners who were wrong.
The blog post Jono mentioned from one year ago is full of nothing but anger and hatred. Not only does the intense involvement of emotions not lend her any credibility at all but it also looks like she might have some pretty severe issues.
I think people who keep falling into bad relationships do have something going on themselves. I don't mean to blame the victim here, it is just something I have noticed online because certain people are more vulnerable to getting into bad relationships. Some people are white knights, some people are dependents, some people are naive, some people are very trusting so these people are more likely to get into a abusive relationships or bad ones because of their own personalities and problems and there are people out there that target these people so they lure them in. Even I have had two bad relationships, one of them being abusive. I recognize I am a white knight because I always want to help someone and I thought I could rescue my men from their problems and make them all better because they would have me and I would be helping them and they would be better people. But I cannot always help people, only they can help themselves. I am not a therapist. Even if I were one, it still wouldn't be my job to rescue them because they wouldn't be my patients. Plus I do tend to be naive and trusting so that got me into bad ones and lack of judgment on people. It's always good for anyone to recognize things about themselves to figure out what made them get into a bad relationship twice so they won't be vulnerable anymore to getting into anymore bad ones. Like I say I think anyone who enters bad relationships over and over have something going on. Plus these women would be the type to stay because they think they can make it better and if they keep trying, their partner will be happy and it never dawns on the to leave. Not to be confused with the ones who are forced to stay or fear to leave because their partner is that bad.
04 Dec 2016, 5:11 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I think boo and the others is right about not telling. At least your get a relationship that way. Feel loved for a few months, if you tell you're never get past few dates.
I just need to learn to lie. I've been moral and law abiding all my life, it's always been important to me but what does it get me, nothing but pain, everyone else, lies and breaks laws and policies and they get to be successful and happy because of it.
Time I throw in the towel and join them
I just need to learn to lie. I've been moral and law abiding all my life, it's always been important to me but what does it get me, nothing but pain, everyone else, lies and breaks laws and policies and they get to be successful and happy because of it.
Time I throw in the towel and join them
You don't have to lie...just give it another name , a name which is more common and understood like "I am different, "I am extremely introvert" and if you wanna go deeper "I am socially inept" , and that's it- problem solved - there's no use for that AS label. At least they wouldn't google it and find out blogs listing failed AS-NT relationships and stories of mass murdering and start associating this label to all of these stuff.
Alliekit, another BIG difference between herpes and AS.... herpes is a real medical condition, it is proven and it exists medically. As for AS, not very much so, at least not medically, the diagnosis itself only exist in psychiatric books (and as ASD in DSM 5 but....as an attempt to make the diagnosis more rigid) and none of the real medical books:
In other term, Med school students don't study about AS, only those who branched into psychiatry/psychology do - and that alone makes AS subject to a lot of stigmatization (since AS so far is just a psychiatric label).
Quote:
If you're going to be in a long term relationship, you are going to need to disclose at some point, because they ARE going to learn at some point, and if they learn you were purposely with holding it from them they are going to be pissed as hell. I think the main difference in the reactions between men and women is that autistic women are more likely to have actually been in a long-term relationship.
No, read above.
It seems that I have awaken a new movement here, a movement of guys who just realized how bad is to disclose it ...to disclose it as ASPERGER's syndrome at least, we should give it a name, "The Movement of the Incognito-aspies" perhaps
?No.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,574
Location: the island of defective toy santas
04 Dec 2016, 6:08 pm
there is nothing more tiring than having to keep track of all one's deceptions. 
04 Dec 2016, 7:09 pm
Ganondox wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I think boo and the others is right about not telling. At least your get a relationship that way. Feel loved for a few months, if you tell you're never get past few dates.
I just need to learn to lie. I've been moral and law abiding all my life, it's always been important to me but what does it get me, nothing but pain, everyone else, lies and breaks laws and policies and they get to be successful and happy because of it.
Time I throw in the towel and join them
I just need to learn to lie. I've been moral and law abiding all my life, it's always been important to me but what does it get me, nothing but pain, everyone else, lies and breaks laws and policies and they get to be successful and happy because of it.
Time I throw in the towel and join them
You don't have to lie...just give it another name , a name which is more common and understood like "I am different, "I am extremely introvert" and if you wanna go deeper "I am socially inept" , and that's it- problem solved - there's no use for that AS label. At least they wouldn't google it and find out blogs listing failed AS-NT relationships and stories of mass murdering and start associating this label to all of these stuff.
Alliekit, another BIG difference between herpes and AS.... herpes is a real medical condition, it is proven and it exists medically. As for AS, not very much so, at least not medically, the diagnosis itself only exist in psychiatric books (and as ASD in DSM 5 but....as an attempt to make the diagnosis more rigid) and none of the real medical books:
In other term, Med school students don't study about AS, only those who branched into psychiatry/psychology do - and that alone makes AS subject to a lot of stigmatization (since AS so far is just a psychiatric label).
Quote:
If you're going to be in a long term relationship, you are going to need to disclose at some point, because they ARE going to learn at some point, and if they learn you were purposely with holding it from them they are going to be pissed as hell. I think the main difference in the reactions between men and women is that autistic women are more likely to have actually been in a long-term relationship.
No, read above.
It seems that I have awaken a new movement here, a movement of guys who just realized how bad is to disclose it ...to disclose it as ASPERGER's syndrome at least, we should give it a name, "The Movement of the Incognito-aspies" perhaps
?No.
Please elaborate.
I presume "No" means "I disagree and do not like it because I believe it is wrong" but you haven't given us any further reasons or argument beyond your initial post.
05 Dec 2016, 5:49 am
06 Dec 2016, 2:37 pm
Outrider wrote:
Ganondox wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I think boo and the others is right about not telling. At least your get a relationship that way. Feel loved for a few months, if you tell you're never get past few dates.
I just need to learn to lie. I've been moral and law abiding all my life, it's always been important to me but what does it get me, nothing but pain, everyone else, lies and breaks laws and policies and they get to be successful and happy because of it.
Time I throw in the towel and join them
I just need to learn to lie. I've been moral and law abiding all my life, it's always been important to me but what does it get me, nothing but pain, everyone else, lies and breaks laws and policies and they get to be successful and happy because of it.
Time I throw in the towel and join them
You don't have to lie...just give it another name , a name which is more common and understood like "I am different, "I am extremely introvert" and if you wanna go deeper "I am socially inept" , and that's it- problem solved - there's no use for that AS label. At least they wouldn't google it and find out blogs listing failed AS-NT relationships and stories of mass murdering and start associating this label to all of these stuff.
Alliekit, another BIG difference between herpes and AS.... herpes is a real medical condition, it is proven and it exists medically. As for AS, not very much so, at least not medically, the diagnosis itself only exist in psychiatric books (and as ASD in DSM 5 but....as an attempt to make the diagnosis more rigid) and none of the real medical books:
In other term, Med school students don't study about AS, only those who branched into psychiatry/psychology do - and that alone makes AS subject to a lot of stigmatization (since AS so far is just a psychiatric label).
Quote:
If you're going to be in a long term relationship, you are going to need to disclose at some point, because they ARE going to learn at some point, and if they learn you were purposely with holding it from them they are going to be pissed as hell. I think the main difference in the reactions between men and women is that autistic women are more likely to have actually been in a long-term relationship.
No, read above.
It seems that I have awaken a new movement here, a movement of guys who just realized how bad is to disclose it ...to disclose it as ASPERGER's syndrome at least, we should give it a name, "The Movement of the Incognito-aspies" perhaps
?No.
Please elaborate.
I presume "No" means "I disagree and do not like it because I believe it is wrong" but you haven't given us any further reasons or argument beyond your initial post.
This is not a new movement, and I do not support it's aims.
Jacoby
Veteran
Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,284
Location: Permanently banned by power tripping mods lol this forum is trash
06 Dec 2016, 3:42 pm
Scheimaa
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 9 Aug 2016
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 60
Location: Germany
09 Dec 2016, 5:06 pm
I think they have a point, the aspie partner really can't provide them with their emotional needs.
I read that most of males with Asperger tend to choose the most caring and socially able women, maybe this type of women have more emotional needs than an introverted women for example - i am just assuming i don't really know -
" an attractive partner will be someone who is at the opposite end of the empathy and social understanding continuum. "
The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome
So maybe this type of women also need the level of empathy they give to their partner for example.
I am not diagnosed but i think i might have Asperger or at least have some traits, i always thought that a very social man and who have strong emotion will be good for me because i am socially stupid and ... who should i say this, i have emotions but maybe not really showing them ? i don't know, i always thought about the man i will marry some day as being like a friend who will live the rest of my life with me, and my best friend really helps me because she is very social, but then i realized that this type of men are usually more needy than others, and that i won't be able to provide them with what they need, actually i have never loved a man like my friends have, so now i will try to make sure that the man i marry will be satisfied with the way i express my emotion and won't be very romantic.
In the same way i think if a man with Asperger choose at least an introverted women and maybe the type who doesn't really like romantic moves, maybe it can go will without a lot of problems when you don't tell them every day that you love them. 
of course Asperger or not some of the men they describe are people most women won't be able to live with even me, because they basically seems like a burden not a partner but i believe that is because they were not a good people or they weren't in the best situation not necessarily because of having Asperger, or because they didn't put effort to improve them self or are very different from their partner that it becomes harder to understand and relate to each other.
Last edited by Scheimaa on 09 Dec 2016, 5:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
|
Annoying lady
in Bipolar, Tourettes, Schizophrenia, and other Psychological Conditions |
19 Dec 2024, 5:42 pm |
| Bad skin eczema & allergy issues |
02 Nov 2024, 8:08 am |
| Navy issues apology for destroying Alaska Native village |
29 Oct 2024, 1:18 pm |
| Why do people recommend working in IT/Computers for Aspies? |
21 Nov 2024, 10:26 am |
