Why does getting a girlfriend have to be so complicated?

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Ok, YouTube was a bad example. But people do ask out strangers in real life and actually succeed. I do, and sometimes a number turns into a date.

Reading comprehension 101:

From the OP's very first post: "Like sometimes I'll see a random girl, say she's cute, ask if she's single..."

Yeah, I think that's what everyone has been saying. Your brother's friend met someone that was at a party - a social event where people get together. Not just walking up to someone at a bus stop or some completely random stranger on the street.

Yes, you can do that at a bus stop, provided that you know how to break the ice!
Another friend of my brother knew his ex by walking to her and asking if she likes to do it weird.

I've never done that. But I think the possibility is obvious. It's all about how you set it up and your timing. To ask a stranger out and actually get a date, it's going to be someone who has at least seen you around enough to know you aren't a threat. Approach and initial contact/first impressions are very important. And, of course, there's never a guarantee, so it also takes asking out enough girls until one actually says yes.

The main trick is to make someone feel safe, so a good first date is, say, a meetup over lunch.

Well I don't think most girls are willing to instantly agree to be a guys girlfriend, they usually want to get to know you some first. It is unlikely you're going to find an 'instant-girlfriend', also hook up sex and committing to a relationship are different things. I don't really understand the hook up culture either, has never really appealed to me but it exists nonetheless.

If you wanted to arrange to shoot the breeze and get a bite to eat or go on a simple walk that would be one thing, but you say you want an instant-girlfriend, which implies you want a girl to just immediately agree to be your girlfriend and then get to know her after the fact. Unless I am misunderstanding what you mean, but if that's it then that approach is more likely to make girls uncomfortable than make them want to get to know you. Of course you can say you're looking for a girlfriend but you still have to be patient enough to get to know them and see how you get along or develop any connection before things can progress to that step.

^This. Unless what you mean by girlfriend is having a female friend as opposed to a romantic partner, it doesn't work that way. If I were in a position to and really wanted to, I'm sure I could ask out enough girls that eventually one would go out with me ONCE after we've only first met. That cinematic image of "I looked at him, he looked at me, and that moment I KNEW it was fate..." just doesn't happen. Maybe if you were already acquainted, or friends, and there's some external catylist. But two random strangers meeting for the first time? Extremely rare.

Being attracted to someone, well... That may or may not happen. I was attracted to a young woman with albinism. It was her hair and her eyelashes that did me in. She played piano, and I made up excuses to turn pages for her. We were dating within a week. We broke up a year and a half later. So even if you do get that whole love at first sight thing, there's the question of whether it would last. The odds are never in your favor.

The good news is the more you date, the more relationships you get into (and break up), the closer you get to meeting "The ONE" because your odds, however unlikely, exponentially increase until you have a near-certainty of meeting your spouse.

I have a very loose definition of "date" that extends to a 30 minute meeting over coffee. Basically I count any kind of prearranged meeting for the purpose of getting to know each other. Romantic intentions are NOT a requirement. I think relaxing the concept of dating helps because a simple no-pressure, no-expectations meetup is more likely to happen than one that is clearly, intentionally romantic in nature. You aren't likely to get a gf that way, and some will say you risk getting friendzoned, whatever that means. The point is not to get a gf, but simply to get a girl to meet you so you can get to know her. By dialing back the pressure and expectations, by hanging out, by scoring meetups, you feel encouraged and motivated to keep trying. Sooner or later you do meet someone who feels a mutual attraction that will EVENTUALLY move the needle to IAR with you. It's just unfair to imagine it's instantaneous upon meeting someone.

ya it looks like i'm about to get another false hope from another girl on OkCupid, she responds to my initial message and engages me in conversation, but when i ask her whats her schedule like, telling her i would like to get to know you more, she says "I have work the rest of the week", and then I say "How many hours a week do you work? are there days you have time?" and then she says "I would have to let you know because sometimes I work overtime >_"

You could try going the male-order bride route. I would of done that if I had the money & resources.

Yeah. I was thinking of getting one from the USA.

I should try that some time

If you think getting a girlfriend is complicated wait until you have one. Having a girlfriend is about three times as complicated as getting one.

yup, as usual, guys are expected to most of the work in terms of starting a relationship and maintaining one

becuase females have very high standards.

according to females, guys most be:

tall
strong
tough
social skills
hitting the gym
many friends
good job
good life-cv
not virgin
good in bed
big p***s
not feminine
good looking
perfect haircut
good looking clothes
a car


good luck! i gave up when i was 14.

Some women want men that look more feminine than they do!

So much reading. Why have none of you girls clued him in on how to read subtle hints from women, that a lot of time are not so subtle? For example, let's say this dude's name is Brian and there is this girl in his college class, lets say, June. June doesn't ask Brian out, but she smiles at him when he comes to class everyday. She tells him hi and asks how he's doing. She plays with her hair and looks him up and down. Men are expect to initiate the dates, but women; women are really the ones that initiate most of the time. Women are just so damn subtle.

Doesn't help that one woman's flirting is another's 'just being friendly'.

So there's really no point trying to give that sort of advice.

My first girlfriend gave me no signs I could discern whatsoever, my second? Well, we kind of had what you may as well call a 'semi-blind date' as we only met each other very briefly before I suggested to our friend to get me a date from her.