Need Support and Tips

Post Reply New Topic

I'm not doing too well and I really need help/advice/support. I have been in a relationship with one of the most caring and understanding girls I have ever met for about 10 months now. I only recently discovered that I have Aspergers, but it has already caused major damage in the relationship. I freak out a lot and take it out on her, which has pushed her away. I feel hopeless, like no matter how hard I try, I will never be the same person she fell in love with and will never be able to be the partner she deserves. Does anyone have advice for how to have a successful relationship while living with Aspergers? Especially and tips on how to control my tantrums, communicate better, and show more effection. I really need to learn how to not let my symptoms interfere with this relationship.

The most important thing in a relationship is learning how to communicate with each other. You can help by talking to her more and bringing up things that concern or bother you. She can help by being very clear in what she wants so that you don't have to guess.

Do you know any resources for how to manage my anger in a relationship? I take it out on her too much which cause she the majority of issues

You'd have to find a healthier way to deal with anger and negative feelings, not sure what that would be for you since everyone is different. Taking it out on your S.O would certainly cause issues in a relationship.

What is it you're so angry about? If it has to do with the diagnoses, if anything its a good thing since now you have a better understanding of issues and can maybe work towards some solutions...you're still the same person you were before the diagnoses it doesn't make you any lesser.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 10 Feb 2017, 1:44 pm, edited 2 times in total.

My stress builds up along with my insecurities, which causes anxiety and confusion. I'm unable to talk about it because I am unable to describe it, but when it builds up, I lash out harshly. I would say I get angry because I'm frustrated that I am unable to explain what's going on.

Ah that makes sense, that can happen with me as well...for the longest time I didn't pick up on that pattern. But yeah kind of like everything building up then maybe something seemingly insignificant sets you off and suddenly it all comes out and you don't even know exactly how you got to such a state of upset.

That's exactly how it is for me. What did you find helps you prevent that by yourself? How, if so, do you manage that?

It might help to talk to a psych who knows abit about Aspergers. There are some meds that can sometimes help with stress &/or anger depending on the cause(s) of it but I think trying therapy/counseling would be more important at least at 1st anyways if your seeing a good psych.

Try getting leverage on yourself - if you lash out at your S O then they will not want to be around you. Use that as leverage to enable yourself to break things down if possible, or at least to 'pause' yourself and direct that energy in a different direction.