Relationship anxiety
I've been seeing someone for about a week, and while there's nothing wrong with him I'm often more anxious than not trying to feel things out.
How often is it normal for two introverts to talk? How often should we be seeing each other? How fast should different aspects of the relationship be moving? I have no idea what to think of any of this, or what anything means anymore. I've been wrong about everyone else I've dated.
In the past, people lose interest once the newness wears off, once things start to get hard, or once (if they're younger men) they realize a relationship requires work and time. It's been so easy for me to just not matter. I know I'm nothing out of the ordinary. I'm nothing people brag about and I'm not in anyone's wishlist on a forum.
Who's to say it's not the same here? How can I know that every lapse in communication isn't a sign that, now that I'm no longer a mystery, he's getting bored? How do "normal people" handle relationships and trust, let alone in a serious relationship or marriage, when you can know so little about what someone is really thinking or feeling?
Most of what I know to do is to avoid labelling relationships. Failing that, I employ patience in light of the fact I'm just not as sociable as more or less anyone else they know. Better to just be nice than to overexert both parties ritualistically examining one another.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
Most of what I know to do is to avoid labelling relationships. Failing that, I employ patience in light of the fact I'm just not as sociable as more or less anyone else they know. Better to just be nice than to overexert both parties ritualistically examining one another.
I wish I didn't have to. That would be really nice.
I find it's important to give everyone's thoughts & emotions equal emphasis regardless of how much I can determine about them. Sometimes I've already been in someone's shoes yet around someone I'm close to I'm more aware of being in my own.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
I'm not sure what kind of advice you're trying to give, sorry.
No worries, another way of saying it is that people in general can be unreadable but people I know the best are the most likely to mirror my introversion when they're trying to relate. Alone *or* together, spending time shows understanding of anxiety or loneliness.
_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos
All anxiety is a struggle, and when you find yourself with a relationship anxiety it's something that you want to cure. As we get into a relationship, it isn’t just the things that go on between us and our partner that make us anxious; it’s the things we tell ourselves about what’s going on. The best thing is not to be too vulnerable or you'll just wind up getting hurt.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,030
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
How often is it normal for two introverts to talk? How often should we be seeing each other? How fast should different aspects of the relationship be moving? I have no idea what to think of any of this, or what anything means anymore. I've been wrong about everyone else I've dated.
In the past, people lose interest once the newness wears off, once things start to get hard, or once (if they're younger men) they realize a relationship requires work and time. It's been so easy for me to just not matter. I know I'm nothing out of the ordinary. I'm nothing people brag about and I'm not in anyone's wishlist on a forum.
Who's to say it's not the same here? How can I know that every lapse in communication isn't a sign that, now that I'm no longer a mystery, he's getting bored? How do "normal people" handle relationships and trust, let alone in a serious relationship or marriage, when you can know so little about what someone is really thinking or feeling?
Each relationship is different depending on the people. You can see as little or as much of each other as you both are comfortable with there are no set rules.
Honestay all your worries are what NTs and aspies alike feel. I still feel that way about my relationship sometimes (like he will get bored). With my relationship I have found that when we aren't discussing stuff openly and when I'm trying to 'read' him then our relationships struggle.
Every relationship whether it be NT or ND or a mixture needs open communication so just ask him. Also have a bit more confidence in yourself I'm not anyone on here's wishlist either
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