Fiance has become cold and distant

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unlundun
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10 Apr 2017, 8:07 pm

Long time lurker, first time poster. I just need help.

I met this girl awhile back and she blew my mind. We were like two peas in a pod, I've been dating for awhile now, and was ready to give up, until this girl. The problem is, she's in Europe and I'm in the US. We are the same ethnic background, share the same views in politics, life, etc, and share the same values. I fell head of over heels in love with her. A few months ago, I flew to meet her and her parents, and it went well. Flew my parents to meet her parents and we got engaged. All that was needed was the K1 visa which I began the process. We spent our weekends watching shows, and chatting endlessly. I was on cloud nine.
A few months ago, I was given the wrong meds, and I took an anti depressant when I shouldn't have. I had a nervous breakdown during one of our skype sessions. I told her and things seemed fine. She still planned where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do when she came here.
But over the weeks she became cold, distant, and generally unpleasant. She said it was work related stress, which is true, and moving to america/wedding jitters. But now she told me the truth. Her image of me is shattered due to this breakdown, she lost ALL attraction to me. She's now looking back at some of my flaws she chose to ignore(most having to do with my apergers, she knows I have it, while I know she's suffers from depression). And has been cold and distant. We still watch shows together, but minimal chatter, she "sleeps early", and doesn't msg me at all during the weekday. The moments we shared when we met, I don't want them to be sad memories, its tearing me apart.
My parents now dislike her and are trying to get me to date again. And I'm starting to resent her. I want to fix this. Aside from couple's therapy(which we're looking at). Anything else I can do?



Keigan
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11 Apr 2017, 7:39 am

You need to pause here.

Those words are important 'her image of me is shattered'.

In her mind she placed you in a iron suit and saw you as a knight in shining armor - which is a fantasy and not realistic. Now, she 'now looking back and some of my flaws she choose to ignore' indicates that she did not know you and she did not accept you.

Your condition is a life long endeavors, some times will be better then others. If she can't be with this then you are not missing anything.

Now she is either being polite (cultural and parents Presure) or she is working better understand you which is not the case.

Good luck with getting back into dating.



The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Apr 2017, 1:14 am

^ This.



AngelRho
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13 Apr 2017, 8:33 pm

Heh...sorry, dude. Stick a fork in it. It's DONE.

Time to say vaya con Dios.



nick007
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30 Apr 2017, 1:59 am

She had an image of you instead of seeing you as you really are but she's still in a relationship with you & hasn't broken up with you or anything. There's a chance time &/or couples therapy might help but there's not much you can do beyond that.


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The_Blode
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30 Apr 2017, 2:13 am

Keigan wrote:
You need to pause here.

Those words are important 'her image of me is shattered'.

In her mind she placed you in a iron suit and saw you as a knight in shining armor - which is a fantasy and not realistic. Now, she 'now looking back and some of my flaws she choose to ignore' indicates that she did not know you and she did not accept you.

Your condition is a life long endeavors, some times will be better then others. If she can't be with this then you are not missing anything.

Now she is either being polite (cultural and parents Presure) or she is working better understand you which is not the case.

Good luck with getting back into dating.


^ this + 1

It's pretty brutal this whole situation though as you're on the marriage path and it's never easy when things break apart. . .but it's better now than getting a divorce some way along the line after marriage. . .

So in short, it's a long distance relationship? That can strain easily over time as well. . .I mean, it always starts off so so well. . .and then things start to surface. . .I've been there dude, I've been with girls I met in other countries on the Internet. . .and I hid my Aspergers and my other conditions from them. . .I learned it was a fatal mistake for myself. . .relationship killer. . .but you know what, I look back at those times with happy memories because I learned from them. . .learning is highly rewarding. . .

I think that 'episode' you described CAN be a relationship killer. . .even though it wasn't your fault. . .I've had similar sort of things happen to me and it changes the person's perception of you. . .it's something they don't forget quickly. . .usually, it spoils the initial image of you. . .and it cannot be overridden easily. . .unless something of greater importance happens. . .like you win the lottery or something!

Feeling for you. . .if I may ask, you don't have to answer me a random dude on the net. . .but how are you coping with this? Are you emotionally strong? :heart: