End of friendship with my aspie ?

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No answers expected. Possibly advice on where i went wrong. My friendship with an aspie appears to be over as suddenly as it started.

We had a lovely day out on Sunday. No problems no arguments i did point out that i found it strange when he arranged to go to my best friends gigs without telling me about it, but we were able to laugh about it.
The next day i saw he had put on Facebook that he was going to another gig . . . It's out of his town and he doesn't drive. So i asked if he wanted to go together and I would buy tickets. He started saying his wasn't sure if he were going then confused about which gig i was talking about, then again saying ",well i only might go". Given the conversation we had the day before i became frustrated and said just forget it . . . . I did then apologise and said i think we're getting confused. . .
However he then went on a long rant about all the things i do wrong. Apparently always making snidey digs. He said you wouldn't do any of this bollocks with anyone else etc etc a long rant of all the negative things i do. . . And basically he doesn't enjoy our friendship and has had enough . . . . I was in shock then so just didn't reply. I haven't heard from him since and i haven't contacted him. 2 days.
So guess I'll just leave him to it. Feel a bit kicked in the teeth. I know I've been a good friend over the past 2,yrs not perfect but definitely a good one. I wish I didn't care but it seems i do.

Let it be. Just because he is an aspie doesn't mean he can just betray you and expect you to forgive him. Watch, he'll come crawling back in due time and expect you to forgive him because he is "struggling'. I know I certainly don't explode on my friends for no reason. You did nothing wrong here.

The world is simply becoming more and more troubled lately.

I also find it peculiar that you would refer to him as YOUR Aspie;

Sometimes some people change for whatever variety of reasons (even spirit-possession can be a valid reason).

You mentioned that you «became frustrated» ...I can tell you for a fact that most «normal Aspies» (even if that phrase sounds like an oxymoron) dislike it when anybody directs negative-emotions in the direction of the Aspie.

You are better off taking an approach in life where you attempt to understand others, casting aside all biases or prejudices or preconceived notions, with open-mindedness, such that you can even read through an entire book of an ideology that is diametrically opposed to whatever you happen to believe in at the time...

I need to take some extra time to explain my above sentence/paragraph. For example, I used to think that I was somewhat of a know-it-all, and used to be caught up in these self-proclaimed so-called intellectual-movements, thinking that differences of beliefs were inferior. You can already see that there are «active» threads on these boards such as «Do Atheists consider Christians to be intellectually inferior» and other such similar motions (but I have already learned all that I need to from both of those paradigms and can already tell everybody for a fact that it's mostly the «materialist/rationlist/physicalist» oriented Atheists in particular who tend to be militant and dogmatic).

Regarding the above, the view that others are inferior or lacking or not as special in some way is not specifically a «problem» with Atheism, but with that of what can be more accurately termed as Dogmatism (the type behaviour where one is unwilling and refuses to admit to any possible mistakes or flaws in their own beliefs... even when compelling evidence is provided in plenty of ample amounts). See, I used to be somewhat aligned with materialist-oriented thinking back when I used to adopt various «belief-systems» (replacing the «religions» that I had either «lost faith» in or was compelled to abandon due to extreme pressures in my life that would psychologically break any normal person), but there DID come a time when I was wondering why so many «smart» people (doctors, professors, scientists, etc.), were so «gullible» to believe that things like psychics or psychic-abilities or para-normal things like ghosts existed;

How could such otherwise «smart» people adopt such «dumb» beliefs ? I thought I should go and investigate their publications for myself, because I thought that I knew more than they did at the time, and was prepared to make attempts to «correct» them, only to find that they actually already knew all of the arguments that I was going to use to try and «debunk» or «discredit» the idea that their claims about the existence of spirits and/or ghosts and/or the para-normal was a bunch of bunk, and even within their publications, they had already throughly refuted and essentially «debunked the debunkers» (because it turns out that these doctors and scientists and professors and so forth who research this stuff and say that para-normal phenomena is valid are not crazy or dumb people after all, but extremely intelligent, and in fact, many of them were themselves «skeptics/debunkers» who, when starting out their work/investigations, did so with the original purpose and intention of debunking and discrediting the idea that there was any validity to phenomena like past-lives or psychic-abilities or many other hosts of what are considered to be para-normal phenomena).

I can tell you that it was an extremely «humbling» experience for me to subject myself to so much «cognitive-dissonance» by giving «diametrically opposed» literatures a chance, for it had caused me to lose many of my past beliefs/religions/dogmatisms as a result. Four-time-Atheist here (and can no longer truly call myself an Atheist, but neither can I believe in any of the religions, for virtually ALL «ideologies» on earth are flawed or deceptive or deceiving or inaccurate or «tainted with untruth» in some way or another; the only ideology I adhere to now is that of Absolute-Pacifism as is described and written within The Testament of Truth writings of Terence). Anyway, I didn't mean to go off on such a long-and-detailed potential tangent, but I use it as an example of how I think it is a better approach to try and first listen to another's side of a story before «jumping to conclusions» or having «automatic reactions» (because many of those knee-jerk-reactions can be very off-putting to others... regardless of whether they're NT or Aspie).

Anyway, I would also consider being your friend if you weren't so far away (and I will secretly admit that maybe it's because of a partial desire to get into your pants some day ;o), but actually I also need to tell you that it's actually NOT «uncommon» for Aspies to basically «lose touch» or «discontinue communications» with others at some point or another in any relationship/friendship. This is not always permanent, but if you do ever resume communications, expect it to be infrequent for him to communicate unless he's already responding to your communications. If he's not responding, then for whatever reason, thoughts are going on in his mind that he has more reason not to talk rather than to say anything, and you will need to put in some work in order to give him a reason to want to come see you.

You also mentioned that «he went on a long rant about all the things» ...well, does this post of mine come across to you as a long rant, or are you able to identify it as my attempt to try and help you see another point-of-view ?

Oh, and I now just noticed, that this is indeed the Love and Dating section. You referred to him as a «friend» but it seems that there's actually more to it after all. The plot thickens... ;o Was he really just a «friend» to you ? ...because it seems like you have feelings that you desire for it to be more than just friendship. In any case, this is all I have time to spare on these forums for today (exceeding my time-limit actually), and if it makes you feel any better, I will even give you one of my not-yet-patented deluxe-hugs before I go ! <♥hugs AnnGables with a not-yet-patented deluxe-hug !♥> ^_^

Ban - Dodger. . . .you made me smile, and no I didn't read it as a rant at all. To me a rant is when someone fires an explosion of feeling usually anger or frustration whilst not listening to anything you try to say. I hear what you say, and I have always tried to understand and be unjudgemental . I often apologise when I have reflected and realised that the words I have chosen have been misconstrued in a different way. However I am human and a rather emotional and on occasions slightly fiery one. Therefore frustration can occur. Especially in trying to communicate with someone who speaks a different language of communication as it were. . . .ie with autism. I cannot promise that I would never become frustrated again. I did though apologise immediately. . . ..

My perception is that my friend had just made a mistake . . . He was annoyed with himself, so my timing at pushing to make an arrangement was poor. However I was buying my ticket and just wanted to know if he wanted to get him one too.

The longer term nature of our friendship. . . .yes interesting that I called him my Aspie . . .. Freudian slip maybe? And as for posting in love forum, I find I get more response and excellent apt advice here. Our relationship is not romantic, but it was from my perspective more intense than normal friendship. Possibly because I felt I had to work so hard to keep it on track. I can understand that my friend may at times have found me intense. However only recently have I come to understand that he really does care for me. It is then a double shock to then have this happen.

My plan is not to make contact. I genuinely feel that he was out of order on this occasion. I told him I was upset and crying, and yet he continued. I apologised and said please just stop," I hear you you don't want this friendship," but he continued to tell me all the things it appears he despises about me. I am saddened because I thought we had a deep and special friendship. I am hurt because he is a lovely man and I didn't expect him to hurt me. If he makes contact with me, then we will take it from there, however I actually think that some space is probably a good thing.

As for the virtual unformatted hug, it was truly lovely and any more are v welcome. You made me smile, and think a little and for that I thank you.

Also although I understand the not being in contact thing. He has always kept in contact with me. Actually never had more than 3 days without at least a text message in the whole two years. . . Initiated by him. However over recent months he has conversed less and less in those interactions. It would be a check in to make sure I was ok or to say good night.

We do go out regularly though, and go all over the place visiting interesting places, long nature walks, photography etc . . . I tend to be the one who pays for everything on these trips.i pay entrance fees, I provide picnics, and I pay the petrol, although in recent months he has got better and has paid more often.

He also seems to like the fact that I have a lot of friends who are musicians and artists. I think he likes being involved in the social events and I always fully include him. However I feel more and more taken for granted recently . . .. .

And thank you yungsavage for your reply. I intend to leave him to it. I often spend so much time trying to understand things from his perspective I sometimes feel I am being taken for a fool. My best friend said "I know you never give up on anyone but it seems he is going out of his way to be horrid and you really don't need it" I have some very sad stuff going on in my own life and he does know how emotionally vulnerable I am

He's into you but eventually got tired of being in the friendzone; he realizes that it will never change and so he went for a way out, to seek for someone who might like him back

....snide remarks hurt especially from someone admired, and makes him realizes even more that things aren't mutual.

But I don't think I made snide remarks . . . .. he often misconstrued things I said so I was always very careful with my words. And I'm more than certain that he didn't want more from me . . . .but thanks for the thoughts

My my Ban-Dodger that sure is a lot of whistling . . . .. . . And if I have Rick Ashley stuck in my head as an ear worm I shall have to hold you entirely responsible. So which continent are you residing on? and looking at your age are you not a little old for me? Anyway I am smiling so you are doing good

I made an «edit» to my earlier post which might help to give you yet another perspective.
Also, I am quite certain it's Rick AsTley, rather than Rick AsHley.

Anyway, I have a Domicile amongst Police-State USA, because it is indeed, a Police-State, and I'm in a Cop-Town.
Looking to move to Kansas though some day sooner than later eventually.
I have an opportunity to be able to do so since one of the guys I work for would be willing to provide the financing for me to move into one of his houses in Smith Center if I can continue to help him out with running his business.

Age. Well... I rarely pay attention to ages these days since I had become aware of different races and species and so-forth that tend to age differently (such as elves, the Plieadians [alien-race/species], and various other creatures that I've seen on what the earthlings seem to refer to as animé). Also, with my many years of combined wisdom, you know that I am far less likely to make «errors/mistakes» with you, due to my many hundreds (and potentially even thousands and millions or even billions) of years of experience, and we can always do what they call «cos-play» or make the use of things like «make-up artists» or other forms of appearance-altering in order to make ourselves look of similar age if there appears to be too much of an outward-difference. Additionally, the age-difference won't be that much anyway in only a mere few thousand years from now, therefore our age-difference won't be much of a problem nor much of a difference in only a handful of very short millenia ! ;D

I am also going to let you in on another «secret» that I know about throughout my life-discoveries...

Yup, believe it or not, technology does exist that is able to keep everybody youthful-looking, eternally (although since we're all «spiritual» beings most people would simply choose to leave their physical-bodies or what is known as «passing away» after approximately 150 years worth of an earth-life). A LOT of «truth» and «reality» and «information» about this world and our existence is very highly censored and suppressed, but worry not, I am working semi-diligently to try and get it all out there for eventual full-disclosure so that a kind of «heaven-on-earth» can be manifested (and in a benign manner... unlike those wackos and psychopaths in the world whom those so-called «tin-foil hat-wearing conspiracy theorists» like myself are always complaining about whenever we get the chance to call out false-flags, fake narratives being pushed by the main-stream media, left-wing war-mongering agendas in Western news-sources, etc).

Anyway... <♥hugs AnnGables again, then continues to hug her, and even cuddles and snuggles very closely with her for a really long time, too !♥> ...much as I am «happy» to interact with you (even if it's currently only in text-format [OMG, and if we keep this up for much longer or start going even further than just cuddling and snuggling, then we might just end up having to take this into PMs ! O_O {hmm, actually, not a bad idea if I do say so myself <insert some smiley here that has a mischevious-looking grin whilst having a look of contemplation and rubbing his chin like a thinker>}]), I still have a lot of work to resume for now, but I'll probably be glancing at these boards again periodically some time tomorrow. Take care for now ! ^_^ <hugs AnnGables again before I head off> =)

Blooming auto text changed Ricks name for him . . .. . Anyway much as I appreciate the cuddles and snuggles being quite a touchy feels neurotypical type . . . .. I'm not sure a friends with benefits situation with someone in another continent is going to exactly uncomplicated my life at the moment. . . .. although I do enjoy your posts and it is nice to smile and joke with you.

Back to the task in hand trying to understand my friend and his sudden dislike of me. . . . I'm guessing he either had a bit of a meltdown after having made an error on Facebook and I took the fallout. . . . .. or he is bored and fed up with me and decided to tell me in no uncertain terms. . . ..

He is however one of the good guys. He was not attempting or wishing to have a sexual relationship, and he didn't misuse me. I think much of the stuff was down to his autism. I.e. Not always understanding the full expectations of reciprocation. I will miss him we had some great times together.

Thanks for the reply . . .appreciated. No I'm a common old NT but have been working really hard to understand and adapt to my Aspie friend. This time hurt tho. So yep it's going to be up to him to make amends if he wants to salvage the friendship

I'm sad though. I wish I wasn't sad. Blooming emotions