I'm aspie having trouble breaking free from the narcissist.

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I have Asperger's. I am having trouble breaking free from the narcissist. She is covert. She is seductive. Last year, I fell for her, and we started dating online. This year, she changed. She changed in a matter of months. It turns out she's a sexy covert narcissist. She abused my emotions, ruined my hobbies and logic, and stopped me from being myself. Narc woman once whispered to herself that she wanted me to have abusive sex with her. She did things to hurt me and make me hate her. I hate her but still love her. I used to love her a lot. Now it feels like shards of glass in my chest and I feel bad. I hate that she keeps blinking sexually or briefly lifting one of her legs on skype. At first, I thought I was just going crazy and I took some propranolol and stuff. Taking propranolol was a bad idea, because it tones down bad memories to a certain extent(not good when you are dealing with a narcissist). Then it turns out she was gaslighting me. She keeps texting me on the phone, and messaging me on facebook. She started out nice, and then covertly mean. She keeps making me feel guilty and makes me feel like I'm messing things up. No matter what positive thing I do or mention, she always finds something wrong. I loved and desired her. I hate that I think she's sexy! She doesn't want love or normal sex. The narcissist woman wants hate-sex! She makes me sad and irritated and sometimes confused. I don't like that now I think I'm turning numb and having an evil side. I don't want to be attracted to her. I want to go back to how I used to be before I met her. Stupid sexy narcissist!
I keep getting sucked back in..
Maybe narcissists never change. They only ruin others. I kept hoping she would change.

Prepare for a stream of opinions but I hate these nasty people with a passion:
Distance yourself from it as much as possible, do not make contact. The narc will try to reel you back in but you need to get far enough away to start making decisions from a logical perspective. Try to only think in rational terms instead of lustful ones, and we all make this mistake. Keep in mind that EVERYTHING she does is fake, and it's a HUGE trap. These people are insane and should be locked up. I know how bad this sounds, but I have no sympathy for them. Inside their heads is nothing but a mixed desire of control and HUGE amounts of insecurity. "The only difference between a narcissist and a psychopath is that one is more self centered."

She is a machine. In fact, I would take precautions to keep her away no matter how much it takes, and think of it as your survival. Once they've gotten hold of us they never give up. I've dealt with 4 psychopaths, 10-11 sociopaths, about 3 narcissists, and 2 borderlines, so I've been driven slightly insane by these failed evolutionary experiments. They literally follow me around in a group on the street, throw things at me, and manipulate me like I never thought possible, and they can infest my mind, so I've worked on ways to get them the hell out and think for myself.

Here are the descriptions of what you need to be careful of:
Borderlines: These are the least bad. They are just very emotional and very hot headed people. They have empathy and emotions, but don't provoke them and you may be able to maintain a relationship.
Narcissists: They are a step up. They have emotions, but they're buried deep inside. Avoid them but be sure to remember that you have a weapon of emotion against them. Ignoring them is your strongest weapon cause it destroys them on the inside.
Sociopath: Insane. But only slightly. They will whittle you down and pull you back up again with a flurry of compliments and insults, perfectly orchestrated to destroy anyone. They aren't phased by any fight we give back and always have something ready to destroy every amount of confidence we build back against them.
Psychopath: Ok, REALLY avoid these. They stick out like a sore thumb. Blank face, simple minded, and very, VERY focused. They push towards what they want at their own expense. They cause problems and damage and hurt people PHYSICALLY, and they don't care. I had one poor water on my head once in a classroom, and threw a paint bucket at my head, even after they'd been warned that they would be kicked out of the school. Well, they were kicked out, and they just laughed. Another one choked me and I almost died, and I had to break his hand to stop him.

All 4 of these will constantly think about you, talk about you, obsess over YOU. The key word here is YOU. In order to find a "normal" person out of the population, make sure to look at how they address others, and watch the relationship to make sure its stable. Study social cues and learn them well, because they will both benefit you when meeting new people, and help you notice the signs of the cluster B'ers.

If you're able to find someone better, she will keep trying, but the other person will give you the motivation to stay away.

Be very careful. I'm sorry if this makes you paranoid. These parasites only make up a certain percentage of our population, so we need to alienate them from our society as much as we can.

She won't change, so better get out of this mess and go no-contact.

You don't want to know the feeling when they suck all life out of you and then kick you a bit more to see if they could squeeze some more twisted enjoyment for themselves out of their victim. If they can't, they leave anyway. They leave laughing and probably already securely attached to another source.

Waste of time, these people, and some of them are dangerous on top of that.

I apologize if this sounds belated, but I am being totally serious.

Do Spring cleaning, get very healthy, sleep well, and the psychopaths will always have a funny way of running for the hills. Train, be fully awake. Like you're preparing a physical competition or big exam or for your house to be inspected.

If you're chronically depressed, ill, have some digestive issue dragging you down, or are concerned about work, they circle like wolves, as if by instinct.

People respond to your inward attitudes, or thought life, as well as your outward mannerisms or actions, which you take.

I blocked her a few days ago, then I unblocked her. Then I found out she sent me messages that made me seem like "abusive aspergers" and is complaining about "misunderstandings"(if things don't go her way, she considered it a misunderstanding). Then she blocked me. I'm sick and tired of her stressing me out. And she promised to be with me, but she broke it. She complained I was "cruel" the last time we spoke. I was just being assertive and declaring my boundaries, and she got "offended" by that. Being an individual who wants respect and also finally speaking out to tell her to not mess up my hobbies or boundaries is NOT bad. Narcissists are soulless creatures after all and not even neurosurgery can save them. Her seducing me all that time only to leave. But also ruining the love part. Then claiming she wanted marriage and claiming she cared about the relationship. The way she acted, and always ignoring my positive ideas to focus on problems or make up problems. How we used to play computer games together and watch movies online, then it stopped. Then she butted into my hobbies to try and stop me from doing them, then saying "I want you to do your hobbies". The things I love to do shouldn't depend on her approval. She also would say stuff like "accidentally" in a suspicious and overfriendly way.
All the past stress!
I feel strange.
I'm also getting some chest pains sometimes.
I will try to move on..