Blocked by crush, what did I do wrong?
So I'm a 20 year old guy and got formally diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 12. Thankfully I've been lucky enough to have a nice little group of friends that are similar to me, but I really, really struggle with talking to girls. I've been in college for 3 years now, but I never really wanted to talk to any girls. However, there was a girl in a class this semester that just finished up that was super cute. She was pretty shy and quiet like me, and I got the courage to talk to her. It went well, and she gave me her FB and Instagram and we added each other. We were messaging back and forth for a couple weeks. I thought we were getting along well, and turns out we had common interests. She'd only message me once a day and I would too, but I just assumed it was because she was busy with finals and she told me so. After the semester was over, I messaged her saying she's really cool and it would be nice to hang out at a book store and look at books etc. (I was gonna ask in person but she wasn't there on the last day of the semester) She said she was sorry about responding late and that she was busy with work this time. I gave her the benefit of the doubt (She never really logged onto FB anyways) and I said to let me know whenever she is free.
Like a week later with no other contact she messaged me in a pretty apologetic manner saying something along the lines of "I don't wanna hang out because I have a f'd up life and I don't want anyone to be a part of it". She also thanked me for being kind. At this point I felt pretty sympathetic. I wasn't too upset she rejected me and I understood why sorta. I appreciated her telling me and not just completely ignoring me. I wondered what she meant by f****d up life though. I assumed she meant busy with work etc. I was okay with her not wanting to date me. We have a lot of common interests so I wanted to be friends with her if she didn't want to date. I gave it a week and a half or so, and I thought maybe sending her a funny meme that she might like would cheer her up. It said she saw it but didn't respond. I just assumed she was busy or whatever, and sometimes she has missed messages and apologized. So, I gave it another week. She posted publicly about going to a concert on Instagram so to be kind I messaged her a couple days later asking how it was. She saw it, didn't respond. Obviously, I'm not gonna spam her so I didn't say anything more. Couple days later, I noticed she blocked me.
What did I do wrong? Was I being too pushy? I don't think I was coming off as a creep. Having my first true love interest is confusing, and perhaps this is a learning experience. Do you think the "I don't wanna hang out because I have a f'd up life and I don't want anyone in it" line was completely the truth and she was warning me that she may block me subtly? I have no idea.
Any input would be appreciated.
Sweetleaf
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uhh...duplicate post.
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We won't go back.
Last edited by Sweetleaf on 29 May 2017, 4:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Sweetleaf
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,870
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
I don't think you did anything wrong....seems like she doesn't really know what she wants, and can't really commit to relationships/friendships for whatever reason.
One of my exes broke up with me kind of similarly, he expressed his life was f***d up and he didn't want to drag me down/ruin my life and wouldn't listen when I told him he wouldn't. He just ended up packing his stuff and leaving the state without even telling when or what day he was actually moving so we could say goodbye. I found out because I walked to his apartment and it was locked and cleaned out We talked on the phone later and he said it wouldn't be able to work out. We didn't really stay friends after...I heard from him one other time briefly on website we both used to be on but we never met up or had much actual conversation. Anything and that was the only time since we broke up I ever heard from him again.
But yeah I don't think you did anything wrong...I'd say it's safe to say a friendship with her may not be possible, but perhaps over time she will want to contact you again, but she might not so it's probably best not to focus too much on her. Doesn't seem like she would be a very good friend....even if you guys do have some interests in common.
I mean think about this you like her, probably wouldn't dislike her just because she has some problems in life, but she decided that she's too screwed up or whatever without letting you even have any say.
_________________
We won't go back.
Last edited by Sweetleaf on 29 May 2017, 2:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The_Face_of_Boo
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OP
As a rule of thumb, if a girl doesn't initiate texting with you like every couple of days; then she is not interested. Never.
A rule of thumb#2:
People are never interested to develop friendship with the opposite sex just for the "sake of friendship". And that goes both ways.
Friendships between the opposite sex happen occasionally and by pure chance, like being a friend of a friend, or being in the same activity group and so; but usually people won't go out of their way to build or even to *maintain* friendship with people of the opposite sex (and usually not even with the same sex).
Knowing that, never ever expect that a girl would pull out her phone, open her FB or any chat app, to scroll her contact list searching for your name and tap on your picture to send you a Hello to you just....for the "sake of friendship".
It doesn't happen like that.
She rejected you because she is not into you, and she blocked you because you are a guy, who is not a romance interest for her, and therefore she is not interested to develop friendship with you.
One of my exes broke up with me kind of similarly, he expressed his life was f***d up and he didn't want to drag me down/ruin my life and wouldn't listen when I told him he wouldn't. He just ended up packing his stuff and leaving the state without even telling when or what day he was actually moving so we could say goodbye. I found out because I walked to his apartment and it was locked and cleaned out We talked on the phone later and he said it wouldn't be able to work out. We didn't really stay friends after...I heard from him one other time briefly on website we both used to be on but we never met up or had much actual conversation. Anything and that was the only time since we broke up I ever heard from him again.
But yeah I don't think you did anything wrong...I'd say it's safe to say a friendship with her may not be possible, but perhaps over time she will want to contact you again, but she might not so it's probably best not to focus too much on her. Doesn't seem like she would be a very good friend....even if you guys do have some interests in common.
I mean think about this you like her, probably wouldn't dislike her just because she has some problems in life, but she decided that she's too screwed up or whatever without letting you even have any say.
Thanks for your input. Yeah I don't think I did anything wrong, never said anything creepy and I never spammed messages to her 24/7. The blocking hurts though. Perhaps one day she'll come around but I'm not keeping my hopes up. Maybe she just isn't into dating anyone? She seems to have a good amount of friends but I'm not 100% sure.
As a rule of thumb, if a girl doesn't initiate texting with you like every couple of days; then she is not interested. Never.
A rule of thumb#2:
People are never interested to develop friendship with the opposite sex just for the "sake of friendship". And that goes both ways.
Friendships between the opposite sex happen occasionally and by pure chance, like being a friend of a friend, or being in the same activity group and so; but usually people won't go out of their way to build or even to *maintain* friendship with people of the opposite sex (and usually not even with the same sex).
Knowing that, never ever expect that a girl would pull out her phone, open her FB or any chat app, to scroll her contact list searching for your name and tap on your picture to send you a Hello to you just....for the "sake of friendship".
It doesn't happen like that.
She rejected you because she is not into you, and she blocked you because you are a guy, who is not a romance interest for her, and therefore she is not interested to develop friendship with you.
She has some guy friends though. Perhaps it's because it was glaringly obvious on my end that I liked her lol.
Yeah, no matter how busy she is I think if she really liked me she wouldn't have taken forever between messages. Thanks for your advice
AngelRho
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Age: 46
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Well said!! !
It's not so much she's nuts, though. I can tell you right away what's going on with her.
She has a bf. That's who she went to the concert with, and she's cutting ties with any external potential love interests for the sake of a new SO.
It sucks she won't shoot straight with you, but that's what it is. Don't worry about it much. Keep moving on.
I've had similar things happen, and for me it's always off-the-wall stuff. I'm at a point in my life that the LESS contact I make with the opposite sex the more attention I get. I'm on friendly terms with my ex gold digger. It's cool because she's married with two kids and half a continent between us. But it took YEARS before we really could have some semblance of civility. The more casual you are and less history you have, the less likely this will happen. You're lucky not to have been ghosted, because at least she gave you some warning.
But that's basically it. She's in a relationship and doesn't want to be bothered with letting you down easy, not to mention it would look like cheating if she kept in contact with you.
AT LEAST you're trying, though. Make a habit of asking girls out you're friendly with, keep it casual, and eventually something will happen. Don't get hung up on just one girl. You'll know when it's right.
Would be really weird if she had a bf, he has her FB and Instagram, he'd have noticed. Unless she has to be really secretive about it for some odd reason or she just started seeing someone/hopes to.
Geez, he just started having an interest in dating. A bit too early perhaps? Leave him alone, lol.
AngelRho
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Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 46
Gender: Male
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Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
Would be really weird if she had a bf, he has her FB and Instagram, he'd have noticed. Unless she has to be really secretive about it for some odd reason or she just started seeing someone/hopes to.
Geez, he just started having an interest in dating. A bit too early perhaps? Leave him alone, lol.
She's sparing his feelings. And it's a recent development as you said. It's only a matter of time before she changes her relationship status on social media to "in a relationship."
Don't doubt me.
AngelRho
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Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile
No, she posted about the concert on IG. She just went with her (female) friend.
Assuming she's telling the truth, she went with a friend to meet up with some guy.
I actually do enjoy being proven wrong, because every time I'm proven wrong there's cause for optimism--which also gives me a little more hope for humanity. The only reason I bother posting is I hold out for that hope, that maybe I can be of some help and benefit to another human life out there. So I'll just wait right here until that happens and enjoy reading the thread.
In the meantime we're left with this: whether I'm right or wrong, does it change anything? No. Either way, she has completely cut you out of her life. I'm just trying to help you understand what has happened and that it wasn't entirely about you, and certainly not about anything you have any power to change. Take comfort in knowing she did it for HER reasons, not because of anything you did wrong.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Age: 42
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Posts: 33,039
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Like a week later with no other contact she messaged me in a pretty apologetic manner saying something along the lines of "I don't wanna hang out because I have a f'd up life and I don't want anyone to be a part of it". She also thanked me for being kind. At this point I felt pretty sympathetic. I wasn't too upset she rejected me and I understood why sorta. I appreciated her telling me and not just completely ignoring me. I wondered what she meant by f****d up life though. I assumed she meant busy with work etc. I was okay with her not wanting to date me. We have a lot of common interests so I wanted to be friends with her if she didn't want to date. I gave it a week and a half or so, and I thought maybe sending her a funny meme that she might like would cheer her up. It said she saw it but didn't respond. I just assumed she was busy or whatever, and sometimes she has missed messages and apologized. So, I gave it another week. She posted publicly about going to a concert on Instagram so to be kind I messaged her a couple days later asking how it was. She saw it, didn't respond. Obviously, I'm not gonna spam her so I didn't say anything more. Couple days later, I noticed she blocked me.
What did I do wrong? Was I being too pushy? I don't think I was coming off as a creep. Having my first true love interest is confusing, and perhaps this is a learning experience. Do you think the "I don't wanna hang out because I have a f'd up life and I don't want anyone in it" line was completely the truth and she was warning me that she may block me subtly? I have no idea.
Any input would be appreciated.
I agree with Sweetleaf. I don't think you did anything wrong. I think she just did not have the energy for a relationship given the life difficulties she eluded to.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,039
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
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