Frustration is not Entitlement

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314pe
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17 May 2017, 1:11 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

And no, I don't think slw and hurtloam are over-picky or non understanding of men, but the number of "involuntary single men with no previous relationship" vs "involuntary single women with no previous relationship" can be easily interpreted which gender has it harder generally dating wise.

Some say that it's worse to be in a bad relationship than to be single. Personally, felling that you aren't good enough even for an abusive relationship is not good either.

Sabreclaw
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17 May 2017, 1:38 am

314pe wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Some say that it's worse to be in a bad relationship than to be single. Personally, felling that you aren't good enough even for an abusive relationship is not good either.

But the nature of an abusive relationship is to make you feel as worthless as possible, cut you off from everyone who cares about you, make you feel trapped with your partner and that everything is your fault and you deserve the abuse you get. That can't be much fun.

314pe
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17 May 2017, 2:01 am

Sabreclaw wrote:

314pe wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Some say that it's worse to be in a bad relationship than to be single. Personally, felling that you aren't good enough even for an abusive relationship is not good either.

Then the only logical conclusion is to never even try because all relationships carry a certain risk.

Sabreclaw
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17 May 2017, 2:56 am

314pe wrote:

Sabreclaw wrote:

314pe wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Some say that it's worse to be in a bad relationship than to be single. Personally, felling that you aren't good enough even for an abusive relationship is not good either.

Then the only logical conclusion is to never even try because all relationships carry a certain risk.

That's not what I was getting at though. I'm just saying that an abusive relationship is undoubtedly a hellish experience.

Tim_Tex
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02 Jun 2017, 2:06 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:

Tim_Tex wrote:

2. If someone rejects me based on things they merely assumed about me, or that weren't true, or based on bizarre ideas they have about relationships, and I dispute/debate it with them, does that automatically mean I have a sense of entitlement/can't handle rejection, or is the problem with the other person?

I once dated a woman who flat out told me I acted just like her ex-Husband within 15 minutes of the first date. I protested that I am nothing like what she described but I was under no illusions she would change her mind. I just wanted her to know that she was being ridiculous and projecting negatives things onto me. I don't see that as having a sense of entitlement: I see it as defending my character from false accusations.

I did defend myself, she accused me of being a manipulator, and that she feels that if one improves him/herself, they are trying to intentionally deceive her.

(For the records, the incident in question occurred nearly 10 years ago, but it still upsets me to no end, because I felt that she was the one for me.)

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XFilesGeek
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02 Jun 2017, 8:44 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Well, to be frank, to this day there are still only two female WP members who are involuntary singles and never had a bf before - the vast majority of female singles here have admitted it is by their *own choice* in several occasions, and often have relationship experiences.

And no, I don't think slw and hurtloam are over-picky or non understanding of men, but the number of "involuntary single men with no previous relationship" vs "involuntary single women with no previous relationship" can be easily interpreted which gender has it harder generally dating wise.

Being able to get sex/attention from men is not an indication of having it "easier."

Quote:

Most members were nice to hurtloam and slw in their complaining threads; and certainly no woman called them a whiner or entitled.

I've seen plenty of women get attacked here for being "too picky."

I've had to eject several men from this website because they wouldn't stop attacking any woman who dared complain about anything.

Quote:

But if a female member says she receive tons of messages from guys on several dating sites everyday (which is the typical case of a female on dating site) and been active on them for years; and been actively dating with many many guys for years out of these sites/apps, and yet she found no one good enough for her.... then yeah; of course I am gonna think she's picky. Everything indicates to pickness.

I mean come on, even the women who never used dating sites and found partners certainly never had that crazy numbers of suitors in their life.

Women get accused of being "too picky" for simply not finding a partner, regardless of the number (or lack) of suitors.

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JohnnyLurg
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02 Jun 2017, 11:31 am

XFilesGeek wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Being able to get sex/attention from men is not an indication of having it "easier."

Why not?

Shelf
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02 Jun 2017, 1:28 pm

JohnnyLurg wrote:

XFilesGeek wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Being able to get sex/attention from men is not an indication of having it "easier."

Why not?

Because sex/attention from hundreds or thousands of strange men is not what most women want. Why would women feel like they have it easier bc they can easily get what you want, when it's something they don't want.

Here's another example. If I got a new dress I would think I'm very lucky and that life is good. If you got a new dress, I don't think you would feel lucky or that life is good and you might be annoyed that you are stuck with a dress instead of something you want. You might feel annoyed that whoever gave you the dress gave you something that you don't want. Your thoughts on getting the dress are how a lot of women feel on getting endless sex/attention from strange men.

JohnnyLurg
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02 Jun 2017, 1:56 pm

Shelf wrote:

JohnnyLurg wrote:

XFilesGeek wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Being able to get sex/attention from men is not an indication of having it "easier."

Why not?

I agree and think it's completely unfair that the majority of one gender doesn't want something they have in abundance while the majority (or at least enough of us to be problematic) of the other gender is lucky if they ever get the same thing while being bullied mercilessly from an early age by other members of the same gender for not getting it (this reminds me of the Shaggs' song "Philosophy of the World"). And if complaining about this being unfair makes me "entitled," then so be it.

jrjones9933
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02 Jun 2017, 2:08 pm

Acting as though other people wrong you by not accepting what you wish to give will indeed make you sound entitled. You can probably rail against social structures as much as you want without much of a problem, as long as you don't make it sound like the world has singled you and your kind out for unfair treatment. It gets worse if you sound like the modern world has made things worse for you by making things better for other people, hearkening back to a time when people like them were expected to serve the desires of people like you.

"Just want to do something special, for all the ladies in the world..."

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JohnnyLurg
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02 Jun 2017, 2:27 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:

Thanks, I didn't realize being sad and frustrated that I've been single my whole life automatically makes me a Trump-level misogynist.

jrjones9933
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02 Jun 2017, 2:50 pm

Self-pity gets you nowhere good, either.

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JohnnyLurg
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02 Jun 2017, 2:59 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:

Self-pity gets you nowhere good, either.

Sometimes you just can't win.

jrjones9933
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02 Jun 2017, 3:01 pm

If what you try doesn't work, and trying the same thing more aggressively works even worse, maybe try something different?

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JohnnyLurg
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02 Jun 2017, 3:02 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:

If what you try doesn't work, and trying the same thing more aggressively works even worse, maybe try something different?

What did you have in mind?

jrjones9933
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02 Jun 2017, 3:14 pm

A psychologist can probably make better suggestions, and can evaluate whether you actually intend to change better than I can.

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