How to deal with miscommunication

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Joined: 27 May 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 686
Location: South-eastern Washington

05 Jun 2017, 7:50 pm

My girlfriend and i argue A LOT. Like a lot. We have really different communication styles and our own issues that distort how we perceive each other's words and actions. How do we work through our communication problems to understand each other better? Arguing all the time sucks lol.

Some things:
- she raises her voice a lot and it sounds angry and I get upset cuz my own issues
- I tend to roast people jokingly and she gets hurt feelings
- she tends to do other things or rapidly shift topics when we're talking and it makes me feel like she's not listening or doesn't care
- neither of us thinks the other one is funny and misinterpreting jokes has upset the other before and vice versa

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Aristophanes
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Joined: 10 Apr 2014
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05 Jun 2017, 7:56 pm

Sounds like you need a sit-down 'counseling' session with your girlfriend. Anything anyone here tells you is going to be hit or miss, whereas if you just sit down and have a frank discussion with her, as unpleasant as that may be, you could probably reach some kind of agreement on inter-personal issues you can both fix. These types of discussions work if you can both create goals to meet, and resist from turning it into a tit-for-tat accusation argument.

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06 Jun 2017, 8:35 pm

lidsmichelle wrote:

Some things:

- I tend to roast people jokingly and she gets hurt feelings
- neither of us thinks the other one is funny and misinterpreting jokes has upset the other before and vice versa

if you don't have a great connection/friendship or the same sense of humor, roasting a significant other usually doesn't go over well, especially if they're sensitive. it's a fine line to walk across. i've had an ex who would call me a fa***t and i'd call her a dumbass, but if i said that to a different ex, she'd probably give me the silent treatment for 3 days and make it out to be the worst thing that ever had happened to her. tl;dr you have to really be friends or understand each other's sense of humor to roast each other, if you don't, be careful

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