Aspie friend withdrawal

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So basically the issue is that we do that same thing in real life. I'm in the habit just recently of simply saying everything, when things are repeated differently we understand differently.

Out of interest, what's the age gap OP?

I too am guilty of being redundant and repeating myself.

Without going into too much details just want to say I am in a very similar position. Aspie friend suddenly 'disappeared' not replying to messages etc.. and I have no idea why. No matter how much I try to imagine what I did wrong i cant, although I know its somehow related to me. If I knew exactly what I needed to do so we can talk again I would do it, whether its giving as much space necessary or sending messages every so often till I get a response. But from reading similar stories here and elsewhere I know there is no magic answer.

Its been several weeks now since we were in contact and for my own sake I just have to assume I might never hear from my friend again. I can't wait around for something that might never happen. Obviously not much advice to give since I'm in the same position but I hope your friend makes contact again or eventually responds to your messages, I really do as I can relate to what you are going through.

We're just open ended people. I guess those are the messages we understand.

And the only thing more repetitive than repeating your self is recursing. The only way to understand recursion is to first understand recursion.

Oh boy boofle, the difference is > 10 years. Bad, huh?

Seems like that would depend entirely on the individual.

Right. But we have not been romantically involved. Just trying to be closer as friends right now.

Oh no, how many programmers & mathematicians are in this thread exactly?

In all seriousness, I'm only describing partial repetition.

As already noted by another poster, it depends on the individual.

My purpose for asking was simpler. I was wondering whether coupled with emotional overload he's possibly taken the age gap into account as well? i.e, which group does he belong to, the group that doesn't care about age gaps or the group that does?
Also, he might well be mulling over how to respond to you. Delineated lines are now blurred. He will likely need time to make sense of how to act/behave going forward.

If I've understood your initial OP correctly then you confessed to romantic feelings which possibly took him out of the professional zone (and his comfort zone) where he knows how to function, into more nebulous territory?
And he's taking time to assess how to respond.

Just conjecture on my part. Only he can say what's really going on with him, and that will take however long he needs.

Hang in there would be my advice. If he's worth knowing, he's worth the time it will take. But you already know that. *smile*

*Dislikes the smile smilie here - looks like a grinning fool!*

I would only stress one thing. Let him be the one to make contact. Reciprocity may come later once you have reached an understanding.

Long past my bedtime in my time zone. Time for me to go.

Edited to make sense!*

Newsflash: He replied to my email with a geek joke. Progress! I never thought one little email could make a person so happy. One day at a time from here.

The input above is very helpful and gives me a lot to think about. One thing is a realization about why the withdrawal bothers me so much, and it has to do with things I experienced a very very long time ago. I don't think that makes the withdrawal any easier but at least I think I know why my coping with it is perhaps more difficult than it would be otherwise. It had to do with a relationship I had when I was very young, and in that case, if the guy was not with me, I mean literally standing right there, he was doing bad things. Very very bad things. When he'd disappear for a week at a time, I learned to expect that something horrendous was happening. So call it imprinting or association, disappearance == devastation in my emotional world. An Aspie withdrawal is difficult anyway, but I think this made it particularly hard for me with paranoia and fear as an added bonus.

So happy for you . .. . I KNOW that feeling .. . . .also I understand the learning stuff about yourself and the reasons you react the way you do. It's all helpful and I probably have learnt a lot about myself during the last 2yrs of tumultuous Aspie induced emotions

For what it's worth my advice would be keep it light and jokey until there is a time you feel things are solid enough to try and have an "emotions" discussion! My friends LOVES those conversations (not) and just enjoy and have fun.

So we've been sharing casual and brief emails back and forth semi-regularly. It's tough to ascertain where he stands on anything because of the brevity of his emails. But I'm thrilled to at least have that right now. Since I don't get to see him daily anymore as part of work, I'm not sure at this point if I will get to see him in person or not any time soon. I've dropped subtle hints about getting together, but he either isn't seeing the hints as such or is intentionally not acknowledging them. I'm thinking the latter. I am afraid of being too direct because I don't want him to withdraw again. But if he were interested in getting together, I'm pretty sure he would not initiate that. grrrrr I don't know if he views me as a professional friend that he still keeps in touch with, or a regular friend with whom he can be casual or close with, or whatever else. I also don't know what he thinks of everything I said before the withdrawal. I wish I knew where he stood. So I'm just waiting to see if anything progresses. But since I don't get to see him every day anymore, I sure do miss him. Wish I could tell him that.

hopefully i am not about to be too blunt. it's a weakness, so forgive me in advance.

it's difficult to be brave when something matters, i do understand but...perhaps it's time to face this and speak plainly. get it into black and white. ask him how he feels. end this uncertainty you are living with.

i know there would be a finality to the situ if you did this but, which would you rather? false hope, or the truth?

jmo, maybe it's time to know exactly what you are to him, before you go on investing any more of yourself into this. whatever "this" is. whether positive, or negative, time to get answers perhaps?

I agree entirely. And I usually do not hold back so much like this. Buuuuuut it's not something I really want to discuss with him over email or text. But I don't have a "reason" to casually see him either. (throws hands in air) It's touchy because it's not just about his Asperger's, but it's a lot of other things too, like age and how he was formerly my subordinate. All those things come together to make what I think are walls he's built. I don't know if he feels he "can't" (because it's difficult) or if it's that he "won't" (because no desire) break those walls down. And it's not easy for me either because I feel like our former relative positions might make it seem like I am being inappropriately forward with him if I am too direct. If not for his Asperger's, in this situation I would leave it up to his lead at this point. But knowing how hard it is for him to process these kinds of things, and him saying he was uncomfortable with these types of conversations before, there's part of me that says what I usually rely on to guide me is wrong. I see something extraordinary in him and I know there's a whole world hidden inside that head of his that I'd like to be a part of. I've seen it leak out on specific occasions and I'm drawn to it. He's an amazing human being. This sounds so ridiculous and pathetic when I read it back to myself. Therefore, clearly I'm in love with him. And I don't think he's ready for that, regardless of how he actually feels.