Should I date a woman with kids?

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There's this girl I like. She seems to like me. She's not perfect but she has a fun personality.

She has kids. I'm worried that if I enter into a relationship with her she won't be able to devote time to it.

If I enter into a relationship with her and she's not the right girl for me, then when the right girl comes I might already be in a committed relationship with the first girl.

I imagine being in a relationship with her entails having a relationship with her children, that's a responsibility you have to decide if you are ready to take upon yourself.

^i think that's right. if you're not interested in her kids or are willing to spend time with them, it's gonna be pretty rocky.

(of course that doesn't preclude the possibility of it sucking anyway even if you do take a liking to them and it isn't reciprocated.)

how old they are is also pretty important, just like how many. two kids? infants, toddlers?

age difference?

so i hope you're good with kids. and i don't know whether or not their father is around (do you?) but he sounds like someone you might have to deal with eventually if you decide to go forward with this.

honestly it sounds like a whole lot of trouble but i can understand the appeal. maturity is hot this day and age.

probably a common problem everywhere, offspring notwithstanding.

Or, if you pass this up, waiting for Miss Perfect-for-You to come along, you might wait forever for something that never happens.

Never waste a minute of your life waiting for what MIGHT happen, because that's not living. Besides, "committed" relationships often end, for an infinite number of possible reasons.

^not wrong either


well....who knows. maybe she just needs someone to occasionally distract her....in more ways than one?

Her kids will always take priority over you no matter what. She'll always love them more. Want to cuddle too badly little Johny wants moms attention etc. I couldn't do that I want a fun passionate relation where only the two of use are the priority maybe later I could do the kids priority thing, but not without having experienced the former first.

The. There's the they're not your kids so you have no say but I expect you to help care for them thing, and depending on the situation the daddy drama, he may not be happy you being around his ex and kids and might make your and her life hell over it.

But you had a relationship before so your at different situation then me.

At your age it's not the best. When you get older it becomes more of a "thing" that it's likely any potential mate will have a child. Don't write it off, but don't let it be a burden either. Give it a go and if it's not working out for you then it's not working out. This will probably sound horrible, but even if you use this to gain experience talking to women, getting to know what they like and want and so on even if you know it's probably not a long-term possibility...it's not the end of the world.

If only I had started dating when I was younger!

At my age it's quite common for women in my age group to have kids.

Of course it's not as common for 20 year old girls to have kids but commonly they want to date within their own age group.

When I was younger I was very shy. I waited too long and I aged myself out of dating.

True but when I hear my old school friends say "she's perfect for me" I wonder if should wait until I find a girl who's as perfect for me.

If I was with the wrong woman, that would feel far worse than being alone.

For an NT, I'd say maybe.

For an aspie, definitely not.

Think of it this way...you aren't entering in one relationship, but 3 or maybe even 4 relationships (I'm assuming not just 2 because you wrote "kids"). The truth is that it is almost inevitable that you will serve as proxy dad to these kids, especially if bio dad is never around.

One relationship is already hard to handle as an aspie. Can you handle 3 at once?

Single moms bring a lot of drama. There's the bio dad. There're the kids, who may or may not like you. There's the whole issue that you will always be third or even possibly lower in her priorities (kids, herself, you, or between herself and you there's career, family other than kids...) This isn't so bad when they are your kids also, but when they aren't...and you will be expected to financially contribute. They will always deny it, but you will.

This is a bad age to date single moms because in their late 20s the kids are probably still very young. Later on when the children are more or less out and about on their own who cares. But this young is pretty hard because they take up so much time and energy. Also, if you form a bond with them and you or the mom decides you have to go then that's not really fair to them. My mom was a single mother, but I was raised in a very solid familial environment (my grandparents lived with us) and I still had male role models. If men were shuttled in and out of my life during my formative years I think I would have turned out much worse.

I would pass. But you do you.

And if it's too much for me to handle, she'll blame me. She'll act like anyone could handle it.

That's what NTs do, they give me tasks I can't handle and when I fail at them, they act like anyone could do it. I try to tell them I can't handle it and they say I'm making excuses.

Nope.

Run, now.

You'll thank me later.

Are you speaking from experience?

It depends.

My SO is a single mom with 3 daughters (the eldest is 18 years old!) - but she made it sure to me that she's not seeking marriage nor she's seeking any support from me for her children.

I would say QuillAlba's advice only if you hear the word "support" from a single mom date.

I dated someone with 3 kids, and I liked it, it gave me great insight into little people. Almost like I could see myself in them. I wasn't the best, nor was I that terrible. It was a great learning experience and I'm glad I tried it. It didn't work out, because of the personality clash between me and her, and we couldn't work around it. I was introduced to the kids and it was sad to let go. But I will never forget and made me feel even more confident about myself that I could be a great person in their lives.

However, this single-mom, didn't expect any financial support from me. What she wanted was, emotional support, which I couldn't give. It's just not natural for me to do so. Or perhaps another way of saying it. Our love languages do not match, what I had to give, wasn't what she wanted.

The kids were never a major problem, they were 7, 10, 12. I thought they were great and curious young minds. But I take it, she was also a great mother.

I don't even like it when women who don't have kids say they want "support". Like when my ex said she wanted emotional support. I had no idea how to provide that. Also there was this other girl who expected me to pay for her college.


That sounds scary

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 03 Aug 2017, 6:23 am, edited 1 time in total.