How can I make it happen?

Post Reply New Topic

All my girlfriends (and I've had over 30 of them) were at least 5 foot 2. I've had taller women taller than me, too. One was nearly 6 feet. But they were generally between 5 foot 3 and 5 foot 6.

"Attractiveness" has varied. From "average" to "stunning." I'm probably "cute" to "average."

Yeah, sure, I don't mind lending insight at all!

I feel strongly about the full-time job or equivalent, because that's a standard I hold myself to and because, at least in the beginning of a relationship, I think job/financial independence is important. I would prefer that he didn't live with his parents because I'd like to go over his house without feeling like I'm being watch by the 'rents. I'd like him to have a car or a strong public transportation equivalent because, like with the full-time job, I think that transportation independence is key in the beginning of a relationship, so it doesn't throw the power dynamic out of balance. When a guy talks to me about sex too early, I feel like I'm being undressed by his eyes; I would rather believe that he's trying to get to know my personality in the beginning. Sex talk can come after emotional compatibility is determined. After all, if we're dating, we probably find each other physically attractive to some degree. We don't need to discuss it too early on. Lastly, I have appearance insecurities, and I'm sure the person I'm hypothetically dating does too, but when he talks to me about them too early, it causes me to see negative things about his appearance that I otherwise wouldn't have noticed. I like to have the time to form a physical attraction, pick favorite things about his appearance, and so on, before paying too much attention to what he considers his uglier side. By that time I will probably find those flaws endearing.

So you admit your dating pool has mainly been limited to women of slightly below your height. That's exactly what I'm saying, being shorter limits the pool. A man of, say, 6ft hardly limits his dating pool by height at all, bar the rare 6ft+ women themselves.

Most women are under 5 foot 6. I had a decent "pool."

It's much more than the statistics.

I like your answer! This is a lot of what I've kinda guessed about most women in general, and close to what I tell guys struggling with dating. I've found that often with women it's not really about the money or the car, but more about a guy's ability to contribute in such a way that the relationship can grow, progress, and move. I think there's maybe a prevailing attitude of "why should we have to do stuff? Why can't we enjoy a nice, quiet evening at home?" In my experience, a SO usually isn't much up for being the equivalent of another piece of furniture. An independent man isn't going to make you feel "stuck," something that functions little more than mere convenience or decoration.

One thing you said surprised me, though. You mentioned the "power balance." What did you mean by that, and what do you feel is the best proper balance? How do you achieve that?

I'm glad my response was helpful. About the power balance, I said it with respect to transportation independence. This power balance is an issue in relationships and friendships. When one person has a car and is constantly having to pick up the other person, it can turn sour. In the beginning, it seems fine, but there's something about this imbalance that causes the person with the car to begin resenting the time + gas it takes to pick the other person up. Also, the person needing the ride can start to feel insecure about it, which can lead to problems. It's just a situation that I would not want to navigate in the initial phase of dating.

Awesome, and thanks for the reply! This may seem sad, but this is the most forthcoming commentary on the whole money/cars debacle I've ever seen on WP in recent years. I hope guys on here take it to heart.

So, what are you doing next Friday? (haha!)

How about if the guy always pays for the gas?

I definitely want to start a relationship but I am isolated from the dating scene and my attempts to get into it (Internet dating, speed dating, and asking out) have been unproductive. I wouldn't turn down a good female friend who wanted to start dating but I don't have any female friends my age besides my younger brother's fiancée.



I just turned 29 this month. That's another thing that worries me. I worry that either my chances will shrink or disappear completely or that I will be rejected because of my age.

Oh sure, it's not about the money at all...just that the male being expected to provide enough finances for a home, food, etc. for the sake of "growing the relationship." If equality is to exist in the future, I think fair would be couples paying for separate homes.

@AngelRho: Haha! And I'm really glad to have been so helpful! The dating game is so confusing. I think it's important to be honest about expectations.

@kraftiekortie: It's still a little awkward to be paid by my date to drive him around. Once is okay, but the more it happens, the more uncomfortable it becomes.

@Marknis: 29 is very young for a man. You still have a plenty of time.

Oooooorrrrr...or they could just be partners in the relationship, regardless of income.

What, you think I married down? I'm a licensed teacher with a master's degree. My wife is a teaching assistant. I ALMOST make as much as she does, and that's with me working TWO jobs. So PLEASE explain to me why money is oh-so-important to all women?

Lauren is right. I've never heard it expressed quite that way, but it's accurate. Traditionally men take the initiative. But the longer a relationship lasts, the more important it is for BOTH parties to be givers. It can't always be one-sided.

I was once IAR with this girl. All I had to live on then was student loan money and some min. wage money from McD's. At a certain point, I only had enough cash to get back home ONE TIME. So I told her since she lived an hour away I couldn't come see her for a while, and I asked if she would mind driving up sometime.

She dumped me. And she was really doing me a favor though I couldn't see it that way at the time. Having to be the only one carrying any weight in a relationship is draining. Some lessons you just have to learn the hard way.

Now, suppose you're the girl in that situation and your bf is a total bum. Never comes to see you but expects you to drive out, spend the night, have sex, and buy all the food? And he expects you to pay for everything? Won't even split the bill or at least offer? That's what we're really talking about here. Guys that expect girls to be another mommy. But if you have your OWN, at least she knows she's not dealing with a sponge.

Girls don't expect money and cars. They just want someone who can carry his on weight, someone who can at least meet her halfway. Money and cars, i.e. INDEPENDENCE, are good signs he can do that. The more he has, the more freedom he has. It's a no-brainer why women would hold to that standars as a minimum.

Doubt it when they get older they want to start a family and buy a house meaning they want a guy who makes better money then they did at 20-30

This is a fabulous way of putting it.

My take away is it's hopeless for men on disability. We will never be the equivalent of full time work.

I also find it irritating a women without cars are ok to fat guys with cars. But whatever.

I'll just continue to live a horrible worthless life waiting for the day it ends

I do have some rather restricting life circumstances. I don't have a college degree because college was extremely disappointing to me, I only work part time, I still live with my mother since not only do I lack the finances but she's a control freak, and I live in a really sick culture (Central Texas Bible Belt) so I have a lot of things stacked against me.

My control freak of a mother thinks I shouldn't worry about still living with her because she claims more people in my age area are staying with their parents for economic reasons. But when I mentioned still living at "home" when I tried internet and speed dating, it was Game Over as far as the women were concerned.