Is Casual Sex more suitable for Aspie's?

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I've had tons of casual sex over the years when I was younger. There comes a time where it just isn't fulfilling. Maybe it is because my libido isn't as high as it once was and I'm no longer hypersexual. Maybe I just matured more and realized the women I was having sex with weren't the kind of people I wanted in my life. Maybe you are right though. Casual sex can be a lot easier. You don't have to do the "social fake". They just need to find you to be attractive and be able to tolerate you for the short time you are together for. Just meet up, hang out for a little while, get down to business, see ya again in a few weeks. Like I've previously said to someone before, sex is something that is very universal. You don't have to feel awkward during sex, you feel accepted because they have accepted you to have sex with. For an aspie that acceptance is wonderful. Casually though, that wonderful feeling of bliss doesn't last long and you keep needing it more and more. My point is that it becomes so shallow. Hey, everyone is different though, this is just my feelings about it. Maybe I am just becoming an old man that now knows what it is in life that he is looking for even though he can't find it. I admit that casual sex is easier, it just isn't what I want anymore.

Actually , getting Casual sex for a MALE isn't that much easier than getting a relationship.

I think many relationships start as "casual sex" anyway.

The only successful encounters I had is when things started erotically flirty and sexual from day 1 - usually such things start online then we meet, the serious first dates in my case led to nowhere.

I've never had sex with a lady, with whom I had a 'serious first date' with her.

Let me put it rudely like this: if the woman already got wet over you (or at least her p**** reacted to you) then you already bypassed most of whatever silly enormous checklist she had in mind - if she never got horny/wet for you then you would be evaluated by this checklist and since she has a lot of options (especially from dating sites), and the more options the bigger the checklist becomes in her head then your failure rate is very high , and I think this is why most "first serious dates" don't lead to a second date.

So I guess... yes, casual sex is better for a male aspie if he can be attractive enough - or even a relationship started off as casual sex.

I don't find it to be suitable at all, much prefer being in a relationship.

I would say probably not. What they call the "hook-up culture" requires a certain amount of social facility/fluidity that most of us don't possess; navigating meet-ups, negotiating boundaries on the fly with strangers--these are going to be challenging for most aspies. Then when you factor in introversion, rigidity, and sensory issues--it just doesn't seem like casual sex would be a good fit for most people on the spectrum.

It's not for me, that's for sure. I need more familiarity and trust with a person for a sexual relationship to be rewarding enough to be worth my time and effort, the kind of familiarity and trust you can't really establish easily (if at all) in a more casual arrangement.

Hello!

Since I have direct experience with this subject, I can give you my two cents on this. Allow me to provide you with some context:

I reunited with an acquaintance when we discovered that we went to the same school. Over the summer, we set up a friends with benefits arrangement. While I was comfortable with this, I did eventually want to make something more out of it. What happened though was that we had three encounters, then she cut off all contact with me. I even bought her some wine that she liked for her birthday, and I never got the chance to give it to her.

Remember, someone interested in casual sex doesn't necessarily need to care about you as a person. They can, and one of the difficulties of these arrangements is keeping a boundary up. Unless they want to explicitly transition into a relationship with an emotional attachment then you have no idea if the person actually cares about you or not. So you are more vulnerable to the possibility of having someone who decides to drop you at a moment's notice.

It was a fun ride while it lasted, no doubt about it. I remember feeling good about myself after I had those encounters, but I also remember the pain that occurred when that ride came to an end. I felt like I was thrown away like some sort of disposable object, and I assure you that being a guy didn't change that.

For some people, it can work. If you can decouple love and sex in your mind, then I wouldn't be too worried. However, just from my experience and from what I've heard that sort of thing isn't so easy to pull off. A lot of people fall in love with their casual sex partners, and this can be very painful if that's a one-way connection. You also don't know what emotional issues are being brought into the picture, and I can tell you that there are cases where people use hookups to deal with emotional baggage.

I'm certain that you can pull out a case where things just magically worked, but it's like trying to claim that you should drop out of college because Bill Gates did and he managed to make Microsoft. Yes, it *could* happen, but it probably *won't*.

To me, the best approach would be to try to hone your social skills and go for a meaningful relationship. I think it will be much better for you in the long run.

Yea, but not all sex is not necessarily binary in that you either love it or you hate it. There can be shades of satisfaction in between. Also, not everyone is well suited for romantic relationships, so casual sex may be a realistic alternative. Just remember to protect yourself. But yes, sex is better (from my experience) in a committed relationship because you can try new things together. But the good sex can often be offset by the emotional commitment, which can be draining.

That's rather amazing. What country is this?

I prefer sex with someone I know, but I still look for casual sex. That's mainly because I don't have sex very often (it's happened thrice in 32 years).

It's been a fantastic option for me over the years. As a gay male, casual sex is much more the norm. But it's also kinda run it's course. I'm a lot pickier about who I might hookup with - ie if it's not going to be pretty hot I'm not interested. With that said, some of the hookups I've had have been pretty amazing.. like professional dancers, models, actors - beautiful people - the kind of stuff most people's fantasies are made of. Haha :p

But at this stage of my life I'm much more open to and interested in a proper relationship. I used to avoid it completely as I wasn't happy and didn't feel I could positively contribute to someone else' life. Now I'm in a much better place in life and feel much more ready than ever. I've gone on a handful of dates with someone recently and it's still sort of new and wait and see.. but tbh I like him and I do want it to evolve into something more - I just don't want to get my hopes up too much and then feel all crushed if it doesn't happen. Trying to keep a balanced sane head about it. Whatever happens happens I suppose & if it's not meant to be it's not meant to be and maybe next time I'll meet someone I'm more compatible with, as is the way of the dating and relationship world.

Councils in the U.K. (Britain, mostly) have done this, using national funds raised to help the elderly and the disabled have more control over the care they need, by passing on cash directly to the individuals involved with approval from a social worker and a local council. It's a case by case basis where a social worker will approve the funds for use in hiring sex workers, attending strip clubs, and/or internet dating assistance for a mentally or emotionally handicapped individual who needs those type of services to be happy and cannot accomplish the same activities in the conventional neurotypical ways.

Provided the prostitute is not forced into prostitution, and provided the prostitute operates as a "call girl"--trying to pick up clients in the street is illegal--and is not a part of a brothel, prostitution is legal in Britain and Wales, so the councils are funding legal services.

Honestly, I'd rather stay single for the rest of my life than to have meaningless sex.

I've been in a FWB situation myself, but it doesn't work for me, because I get too emotionally attached to people.

I've had a few casual encounters in my life.

I didn't find them fulfilling.

Fornication. So no casual sex is trashy.

It really depends on each person and what works for them. For me personalty, I like casual sex just as much as I like being polygamous. I would be miserable if there was a strict regimen on who and what I can express my sexual feelings with. I feel so much more free and happy to have sex and share my love with whoever I think deserves it~

Since we're both about the same age (I'm 50 and an autistic adult), I'll share my point of view with you.

Background: I am married to a wonderful woman who is 56. We met each other in 2011 and were not looking for anything serious - marriage, etc. When we began to talk at first, it was obvious to me that she was not looking for casual sex (e.g. one-night stand, etc.) and asked me how I felt about it. Before meeting her, I had been involved in one-night stands in the past at different points in my life, because I thought I had some sort of idea how relationships went from my point of view and whatever experience I had. Yeah, I heard how communication is important in relationships and all that from couples who had been married at least 25 years and thought, "What's that supposed to mean for me?" because I was like absolutely clueless.

Anyway, she told me she would not become intimate with me until were in a "committed relationship" with each other. She was not looking for a "thrill of a night". She felt that one-night stands cheapened one's life experience take a piece of a person's heart (not the literal heart as the heart itself that pumps blood) would be taken from him or her when not seeing someone again. I have been through one-night stands as an autistic adult. I couldn't understand why it felt so good at first when I was intimate with that person but later it would become a "cheapened, empty experience". As autistic men, we are wired to think logically and not emotionally for the most part. That is why it is easy to think of the act of casual sex with just anyone as some sort of sexual object of gratification for ourselves without even considering the other person involved. It is like the idea of "ok, let us be intimate this evening, but when the morning comes, I will not even remember you or go back to my life." But, the issue and challenge becomes this. When something feels good like intimacy, it is logical to presume that more of something good like that is what we crave, do you not agree? That is why from my previous experiences of one-night stands, etc. that the intimacy felt wonderful at first but left me an empty experience afterward.

Relationships are very challenging for autistic adults. I know this from personal experience for many years before I met my first wife in 1999, then when I was divorced from my first marriage in 2002 and wouldn't meet my current wife until 2011. During those times, I struggled in communicating with prospective women I was interested in getting to know better. Might have had a first date occasionally but it would end then and there. No second dates, no nothing, no intimacy whatsoever. Eventually, at one point, I resorted to one-night stands, etc. just to deal with the stress of not seeing anyone and thinking something was wrong with me (when it wasn't).

When people go a long time between meeting people, it's easy to want to jump either into one-night stands of casual sex or into a relationship in the here and now without establishing the base of friendship in the first place. While I will not tell people what to do with their lives, I can only share from my own personal experiences as an autistic adult about things like this. I understand that there are "underground cultures" that are into things like casual sex, polyamory, and that sorta thing, but it is not for me.

Thanks for sharing, Scott

Honest option. 50/50 the upshot is the casual sex. The problem is attachement. To the sex and person Especially if its a fwb situation. Theres a false link. If its in a regular stable relation then its semi ok providing a pregnancy doent occur. That will definitely throw your mind for a loop. If its during a nonstable or first part of the relationship it can destroy a relationship. Espescially involving performance issues, self standards and a few other unnessaries