Frustrated NT women with "AS"men. Victims or control freaks?

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Wish one of these women would date me. And when they get tired and leave me atleast id had a few years of love.

But what if they right and aspie men are just horrible?

In my case it wasn't so much that I realised who he was and wanted to change him, it was more that I had a growing realisation of who he really was and what was ok with me also changed until I could no longer live with him.

1. When we first were going out he was besotted by me, which was pretty flattering. In retrospect, I was his special interest. Of course, over time, that fades and he went back to his original 'special interests' and I felt pretty abandoned - given he was spending 20-50 hours a week on it and not spending couple or family time with me.
2. Like everyone, he was on his best behaviour at the beginning of the relationship. This is impossible to sustain over time.
3. As we got older and took on more responsibility (e.g. house, career, child) he felt more under stress which took up most of his 'external emotional energy' bank, so there wasn't anything left for me.
4. Each of us had more crises over time, we didn't early on so his way of reacting during a crisis wasn't visible. I didn't know he would shut down in what felt to me cruelty and coldness and what probably felt to him like overwhelm when I lost my job, had a difficult childbirth, ended up in the hospital with chest pains, etc. When I most needed emotional support, he really wasn't there for me. At all, and in fact, made things worse.
5. I ignored red flags. I remember thinking "Is he autistic?" when we first got together, but dismissed the idea, because all I knew about autism was Rain Man. Literally, that's all I knew.
6. I blamed myself. He was a virgin when we met and was pretty sexually dysfunctional. I found all kinds of ways to blame myself for the sexual problems and I was pretty good at it. After all, all men like sex right? So it had to be me, right? (It wasn't.) It took a long time for me to realise that sex was important to me and I couldn't be in a relationship where we had dry spells of years and rarely had sex more than once or twice a month in 'good times'
7. I was used to being treated like s**t. My dad is an alcoholic. My mother is pretty much a classic narcissist. So I was used to my feelings, needs, preferences, etc being ignored. I thought that's the way things were. Obviously I didn't consciously think that, but that's what I was used to. As I matured, I realised it wasn't right. So I began to question the way I was being treated, and he had no wish to change.

These things added up over time and drove us apart. I'm not a control freak and I like a partner who is independent and who gives me plenty of space... but I also want one who can support me when I need it, just as I try to provide support for my partner.

So typical that wife gets frustrated that husband didn't change after the wedding while husband gets frustrated that wife did change after the wedding.

^^^Yep...more perceptive words have never been spoken. This is almost universal.

My wife wishes I could have become carpenter-like. I don't know why (laziness?)---but I, basically, cannot fix anything except for very simple things.

She denies it----but she laments the fact that I can never fix a leaky roof.

They're just confused if you ask me. I don't think we should be diminutive or accusatory to anyone on here, it's a place for q&a, I think this just narrows everyone's scope.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

That's a main reason why I said this in the other thread:

As a (supposed) close friend of an Aspie man I can relate to much of this. I think frustration is natural when 2 people with very different minds and thought patterns try to communicate. I purposely choose to discuss any problems I have on this forum rather than on the ones for NT partners.

I do get upset and hurt often within the friendship. He has told me recently that I have also hurt him many times. It is difficult. I don’t consider myself a victim though. I have the choice to simply walk away from the friendship as does he.