I'm worried I'm going to ruin my relationship with my autism

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I'm 14 and I love my girlfriend. People can say I'm too young to know love but i feel it and i know i love her. But i have autism, and she has been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and various other conditions that we are beginning to feel are not compatible with autism. For example, i never know how to react when she is upset or annoyed. And she is easily upset and has huge mood swings so if i say something even slightly wrong the situation gets far worse. I apparently always do things that are upsetting or hurtful and she has told me what i do. However, even when i try to stop i still apparently do them. And its hard to know when I am doing them because i never can tell if she is upset. She often thinks i flirt with other girls and will sometimes call me disloyal when she gets upset about it. Which is incredibly upsetting because i am loyal to her and would never think of cheating her or even catching feelings for another girl. However, no matter how much i say these things she can't get it into her head that i am loyal. We are both aware of eachother's conditions but we still argue all the time and it hurts. Because i can never tell if I'm doing something that might start an argument. So i'm worried that our conditions might not be compatible and that the relationship would make us both worse, but i cannot imagine myself without her and when we aren't arguing things are amazing. Incredible, infact. I just feel like it's impossible to have a relationship when one person can't control doing upsetting things, and the other can't control getting easily upset. I'm sorry I've rambled on but i just need some advice. Should i end it? Is there anything i can do or say to help our situation? I'd accept any advice, thank you

I'm not sure whether you should end it, but I think you should know that it will probably end sooner or later. I don't doubt that you love your girlfriend and she loves you. But at 14, your hormones, psychology and self-image are incredibly unstable - you will both make numerous mistakes, you will probably hurt each other considerably, and the problems in your relationship at the moment will continue or worsen until one of you has had enough and decides to bow out. You will learn from the situation, but it doesn't sound like a happy nor easy relationship to be in, so I think you'll find sooner or later that breaking up is best. The last thing you need at 14 is more stress - adolescence is hard enough!

It's also hard when two people have conflicting needs and issues in a relationship. You both need to be understood in ways that are not compatible. That's unfortunate. But you can remain friends even if you end the romantic relationship.

I just don't honestly think it sounds like a healthy situation for either of you long term, and I hope that if you decide to say this to her, she will understand that it's coming from a place of love (which I can see that it is). Either way, you can't control how she feels or reacts - all you can do is be consistent and fair in how you treat her

It may end one day and it may not. I think you should enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

Hmm... well. I'm sorta at a weird place because i'm a mixture of you and your girlfriend. (I've got both your problems.)

You've heard this part a million times, I'm afraid. You're 14. She's 14. During this age, it's really easy to think that these things will last forever and it's a huge deal. And to you-it is. The anxiety/depression is what is fueling your gf when she accuses you of being disloyal. It sounds like you've had in depth conversations with her multiple times. So, aspergers could potentially be worked around but your gf has some mental health problems. That can actually go away if she gets proper care. She's probably going to continue to be shaky. Let me just say something, she'd probably be the same way if you didn't have aspergers. The depression/anxiety is changing her perception of you and the situation. Aspergers can totally suck and get in the way, but really, I think your gf is the bigger problem.

P.S I do really understand how your gf feels. I have/had the same sort of self esteem problem with myself. Never accused my ex of cheating but I did often feel really crummy and ugly. Hard to be nice when you feel so bad about yourself.

Good luck!

I'm in a similar situation where I'm the one with autism and anxiety but my husband often accidentally upsets me. He worries that it's always him who makes me feel bad. I try my best to not get upset and remember that he can't help saying wrong things or not hearing me (I suspect he might be somewhere on the sectrum too).

The other posts look good to me. If your girlfriend can get help for her mental health it might get better. In the mean time you can both carry on trying to be patient and supportive and try to understand each other. It's probably easier for us though since we're a lot older than you. Not sure I could have coped with it at your age.