Too fat to date?

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I would do the same as you. Some/most people just see the fat in a fat person and dismiss them like they don't even count and not just for dating. They don't even care to think of your situation, ie. if you're working towards getting healthier, some just see you're fat and that's it. You don't exist. I used to get really annoyed about that, sometimes I still am, but that does not make any good for me so to each their own, but I make sure those people aren't around me.

I probably wouldn't, since romantic relationships need physical attraction to get off the ground, and I just don't find extra weight attractive.

I'm chubby. I would date any sort of guy. He could be chunky, thin, muscular or average! Same goes for height. I think the thing to remember is... males/females look a certain way in real life vs media. Have realistic expectations!

I'd hope that a guy would still date me despite my thick body.

It would be much harder to instill healthy habits in your kids if you don't have healthy habits yourself. If you're not leading by example, your kids will take less notice as they subconsciously aspire to be like their parents.

'Do as I say, not as I do' is an approach that seldom works.

So you have no preference either way?

I'm chubby too but I plan to lose some weight before I enter the dating scene as my preference is average/slim/fit, and I hardly feel I can expect success attracting a girl like that while I'm overweight. Plus I'd rather present myself in better shape. I'd be more confident.

False. A lot of fat parents have thin athletic kids. Who stay thin and athletic into adulthood.
All my friends parents are really big like way bigger then me. My friends are thin and fit.
I see lots of thin girls/boys with fat parents at work too.

Most people get fat as they get old. The body is harder and harder to stay thin as you age.

Do you have a bf?

Sadly most women where I live are thin just like what you see on tv. Actually I’d think most obese people (over half the us) are men.

In my experience, the negative habits of those I dated were contagious. I always was a big eater, but there wasn’t always that much food going around. I dated a big girl for a number of years and ballooned during that time. And it was hard to break out of that post-college.

My wife isn’t rail-thin, but she does keep her weight in the 120s. She got me hooked on working out and distance running. I’ve almost completely recovered from my first half-marathon and am eager to start training for the next one. So after having to live with the consequences of bad habits for so many years, I can say, yeah, it’s hard to turn things around and EASY to regress. The reason people get fat as they age is because it takes such little effort.

What hurt me most was not knowing how to build up my cardio and not knowing how to deal with the pain of working out. Living with a girl who was a poor influence on me only enabled me.

What you will find is you won’t have quite the trouble of attracting any kind of girl as a bigger girl would attracting a man. But you’ll also find if you do attract a skinny girl, she will find it easy to fall into similar habits that make it hard for you to lose weight. It’s possible in time that if you are a negative influence, she’ll become unhappy with herself and her body, which will also negatively impact the relationship. If you are fortunate to be in a relationship with a skinny, active girl, do everything to try to keep up with her and even compete (friendly) with her. I feel my body has completely betrayed me because I should have been doing what I’m doing now 20 years ago, and back then I just couldn’t.

Being fit isn’t automatically attractive, btw. I noticed quite a few other male distance runners over the weekend who barely had an ounce of body fat on them. They were either of that almost anorexic look or the organic food, non-GMO, dirty hippy type. And then there’s that one guy who obsesses over his warmup routine. None of whom you’d think would be attractive to women. I love running. But I don’t want to look like THAT, either. I’ve noticed that the fat around my thighs is shrinking. For now, my leg muscles are thick enough I won’t look like a stick figure. Maybe I’ll add sprints to my routine to build up more muscle, take cardio to the next level, and up my weight lifting game. Maybe...

At any rate, your body shape and fitness level in appearance communicate certain things to the opposite sex. The cuddly dad bod is a kinda thing right now, so having just one spare tire isn’t bad. Rail thin distance runner bod says sickly nerd. Moderate but visible muscles say hardworking, trustworthy, dependable. Massive muscles can be a little scary and even unattractive.

I didn't say thin kids don't have fat parents. Metabolism slows down with age and is faster when you're young.

You'd be surprised what gets passed down from parent to child subconsciously

In every healthy relationships sex plays a big part, unless you are both asexual. If one or both of you are fat, you will have no stamina, no fitness to have an actually satisfying sexlife. You just can't do it because of the physical barriers.

By the way this question just reminded me to a guy I dated a couple of times. He was not morbidly obese but like 4-5 stones overweight and very tall. When we got into bed, he basically just lay down and waited for me to do something but I couldn't even sit on him as my knees didn't touch the mattress. It was impossible. So yes, there is a "too fat to date"

Instead of excuses why don't you just start moving?
I know it's hard, hard to motivate yourself but you will be way better off slimmer.
(I know beacuse I'm in the same shoes and spending 1-2 hours in the gym every day)

When the lights go out, your weight won't make any difference since she won't be able to see you.

You lost over 100 lbs? And kept it off? That's extremely impressive!

A few years I lost over 100 lbs using prescription amphetamine diet pills but I regained like half of it. How did you lose weight without the pills?

Just...WOW! I’m having a hard time getting a mental image of that and not sure I can.

Re gym for 2 hours, yes, that’s what it takes. I finished my first ever half marathon a week ago today. I took the week before off and concentrated on getting more iron in my diet. Spent this week recovering. In just two weeks and staying out of the gym I’ve gained 10 pounds.

I’m going to do another half in April and start training on Monday. I feel I’m at my best if I can burn 2000 calories a day. I wasn’t as prepared for this one as I wanted to be, so mild muscle spasms crept in after I crossed the finish line. Sprinting for two city blocks probably didn’t help, either. And then the nausea...

But as far as motivation goes, I went from 235lb doing a slow walk around the track at the park for 2.5 miles every day to running one half and planning another with an eye to a full marathons and triathlons in the future. It has taken me 5 years to get here, and 5 years ago I had no intention of taking up distance running. Now I’m like...ok, I’m NEVER doing that agai—oh look, another race!

What has worked best for motivating me has been setting clear goals. Not to lose weight, not to run for fitness, because those often aren’t tangible or measurable within any given time frame. To lose weight, I weighed the spiritual effects of eating—what I need versus what I want. So I did a water fast and spent time in meditation and prayer. I also had a time frame for the fast. And when it was over, I no longer felt compelled to eat like I used to because I tackled the reasons for overeating. I eat whatever and however much I want NOW as long as I’m training, but that has a purpose behind it. Food is a tool for fueling workouts before and recovery after. But if I’m not in that phase, I keep pleasurable consumption to a minimum.

Fitness goals are often hard to SEE. Cardio endurance doesn’t exactly help me as a teacher or musician. Deep, slow, controlled breathing keeps me calm and my core muscles help me play the clarinet better. But that doesn’t require that much concentration by itself. But if I’m looking at my next 10k or a half, the thought process is different. I have until April 7. What is the halfway point? Where does my heart rate need to be by then? How long do my workouts need to be to achieve that goal? I’m in the Mississippi Delta, so do I need to drive into the hills to train (minimum 1 hour drive east)? What is the average temp/humidity I should expect? So with every step, every heartbeat, every breath, every half hour on a treadmill or cardio machine, every hour on the track, every mile on the road, my mind is monitoring each one of those things and looking ahead to race day. I’m already running it in my head and hoping there won’t be any surprises.

You’re going to burn calories and drop massive amounts of weight. You’re going to build up SOME muscle mass. You’re going to feel pain and experience minor injuries you have to correct. But that’s just all part of it. There will be obstacles along the way. Bad days and bad weeks. Why does my knee hurt? Is my foot supposed to do that? Where did that toenail abscess come from? And why am I bleeding from THERE???***. But each step is a step towards a goal. And then you achieve that goal—for me, running a road race—you’re left wondering “what was so hard about that?” My first half was so easy compared to what I thought it would be, and that has been more encouraging and motivating than anything.

***there’s a diff between pain of adapting to a strenuous activity and serious injury. Prior to my first 10k, I learned to apply Vaseline generously. Over time, though, it wasn’t enough and ruined my clothes, so I learned better products to use and what to stick tape on. So if you ever ask “Why does THAT hurt?” it’s best, as embarrassing as it is, to figure out how to fix it right away. Slightly sore knees are normal. You’re adapting. Anything beyond that, take a day off and see if it improves. Chest pain—ok, your heart is getting stronger as are your lungs. Palpitations? Ease up for a little while. Spreading into your left arm? Call the people. My injuries have all been the kinds of things that clear up after a day or two. My knees started to go when I doubled my distance without any preparation, and cross-training on cardio machines corrected that almost IMMEDIATELY. No other injuries that would keep me from running—just things that make running miserable. So I keep these in my running bag: petroleum jelly, Body Glide, waterproof adhesive tape, tech shorts and shirt, and armband for iPhone (I need music) with earbuds already wrapped. Deal with pain/discomfort with a little prep to make it as comfortable as you can and you’ll stay motivated until you reach your goal. Once you reach that goal, you’ll want to do it AGAIN. And AGAIN. And you’ll keep at and set new goals because you know you CAN. That’s the best motivation of all.

I agree. Disco is BOSS. I can’t claim 100lbs in one go. Over a period of decades, maybe...

Weight loss without activity is always a fail in the long term. I can average 1 lb loss a day if I set my mind to it, but it always rushes back when I start eating again.

I’d say more, but I’m giving up walls of text for Lent. Limit one per week.