Lonely frustrated female with autism

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BeaArthur
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06 May 2018, 4:52 pm

SabbraCadabra wrote:
Don't mind Boo, he's new here.

LMAO - sure he's new, if by new you mean 25,658 posts!


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SabbraCadabra
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06 May 2018, 5:43 pm

He's newer than I am ;)


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magicrabbit
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06 May 2018, 7:26 pm

I didn’t say every post needed to have a point. But if you reply to someone specifically to say you are NOT interested, you’re deluding yourself that they actually care.



The_Face_of_Boo
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07 May 2018, 1:47 am

BeaArthur wrote:
SabbraCadabra wrote:
Don't mind Boo, he's new here.

LMAO - sure he's new, if by new you mean 25,658 posts!


I am a dinosaur here.



The Grand Inquisitor
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07 May 2018, 3:43 am

magicrabbit wrote:
I'm wanting to expand my social circle, make more friends, and someday get married. I'm just really frustrated because for example, I joined a dating site awhile back and under "looking for" I put friends. I've gained some weight over the last few years and am insecure about how I look. I make very clear I am looking for friends because I've never thought it wise to entertain romantic expectations straight out the gate, at least for me. I'm not opposed to a friendship turning into something more, but I may have issues when it comes to the physical part.

When you just put 'friends' in the looking for section, many people will interpret that as you're not looking for a relationship. Most people on dating sites are looking to start something with romantic connotations from the get-go, so that may make it more difficult for you to find something on there.

magicrabbit wrote:
After hearing from my dentist how more germs are in our mouths than in our butts, I am totally grossed out by the idea of kissing, and I have been voluntarily celibate since 2011 after multiple bad experiences. So I'm lonely, I'm very articulate, I wish someday to get married but since I haven't had a relationship last long enough to be considered long-term, my hopes are not high.

Not being open to the idea of kissing is one thing, but if you're not open to the idea of sex, that's going to rule out many suitors. Probably the majority.

If you're not interested in kissing or physical intimacy, then what is it that you hope to find in a marriage that you wouldn't find in a close friendship? The way I see it, the physical aspects of a relationship are what separate it from a friendship/platonic relationship.



hale_bopp
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07 May 2018, 5:35 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I personally no longer have the energy for long distance friendships or beyond.


You seem to use it all making fake tinder profiles and posting results noone cares about here.



Tim_Tex
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07 May 2018, 5:41 am

hale_bopp wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I personally no longer have the energy for long distance friendships or beyond.


You seem to use it all making fake tinder profiles and posting results noone cares about here.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:


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Scorpius14
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07 May 2018, 6:05 am

i'm what you consider a victim of harassment as a result of their lonely desperate parent looking online for a partner to keep their kids in line because at that age I was being one of the difficult children even though I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong. Also not saying that you plan on having kids or have any already because looking back I could sort of tell if she was lonely and always trying to find someone to be with other than her childhood friend who lived down the street.



The_Face_of_Boo
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07 May 2018, 9:01 am

hale_bopp wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I personally no longer have the energy for long distance friendships or beyond.


You seem to use it all making fake tinder profiles and posting results noone cares about here.


No longer have this energy for even that!....I am getting old! ;_;



magicrabbit
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07 May 2018, 12:04 pm

Hi again-I appreciate the feedback. I disagree however that a marriage is just a friendship with an added physical component. Where I'm from, a marriage is a lifelong commitment to someone else, who you chose to share your life with, you're each other's main supports, your future is intertwined, there's a deeper emotional connection than with anyone else (except maybe a twin). However, I have nothing but healthy marriages to aspire to when I look at my family. Not a single divorce and I know that could be seen as unique. I would not ask a friend for the emotional investment that I would ask from my husband. As for the sex part, I didn't say I would never do it again. It is an issue I will deal with if and when the time comes. I know putting "just friends" on my dating profile will get me fewer responses and I don't mind that. I'm open to the possibility of a friendship developing into something more. But like you said, I do not want to go into anything with romantic expectations from the get-go. Case in point-you said you think the only difference between friendship and dating is the sex component and although I disagree, I don't want to be meeting people who may decide they're not interested in knowing me if they're not sexually attracted to me. I don't want that kind of pressure and I really am looking for platonic connections which I believe can be very fulfilling with the right kind of person. I'm even open to friendship with people who are not single. To some, it may sound like I'm asking alot, but those people aren't who I'm aiming for. There are people hell-bent on pursuing a romantic or sexual agenda, and I don't think I have to worry about becoming the target for something like that.



nick007
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07 May 2018, 1:14 pm

You could try joining asexual sites like AVEN(Asexuality.org) & Ace-Book.net. Asexuals aren't really interested in having sex & some are also anti-affection & against things like kissing but some are interested in having romantic relationships. AVEN is the main forum for em(it's like WP for asexuals) & Ace-Book is a dating & friendship site. You can select Just-Friends on Ace-Book(I think anyways, it's been ages since I've been there)


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ConcernedNtHusband
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08 May 2018, 10:29 am

I'll be honest here. You're saying you've gained weight, you're insecure about your appearance, you don't want to include important aspects of a relationship (kissing and I'm assuming other intimate encounters) and your long-term goal is marriage. From a purely marketing standpoint, you're not offering a product many people are going to want. You have to be confident with yourself first, so get in shape. Next you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that most people in a loving relationship want to share intimacy. It's an expression of their feelings for their partner. I'll point out that most of the stuff you eat is also covered in bacteria and other microorganisms, so if you're trying to avoid that you're going to fail. Just breathing will net you a ton of germs.

I'd seek out a counselor to help guide you through these hang-ups, because while you might make contact with some people who will initially be interested, in the long run they're more than likely going to not stick around. There's always the rare exceptions, so don't misinterpret what I say as being etched in stone. That said - to raise your chances of finding someone that will want to be around for a while you might want to address some of these hang-ups you have first.



rdos
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10 May 2018, 10:39 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
If you're not interested in kissing or physical intimacy, then what is it that you hope to find in a marriage that you wouldn't find in a close friendship? The way I see it, the physical aspects of a relationship are what separate it from a friendship/platonic relationship.


Completely wrong.

A relationship - something that started with a crush
A friendship - everything else.

Sex, kissing and intimacy has nothing to do with it.



Trev038
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10 May 2018, 3:28 pm

magicrabbit wrote:
After hearing from my dentist how more germs are in our mouths than in our butts (...)


Maybe.

But one thing I can say for sure, it doesn't taste the same.



The_Face_of_Boo
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10 May 2018, 3:49 pm

The type of germs differ greatly too. You shouldn't find E. coli in someone's mouth for instance.



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11 May 2018, 4:15 pm

I'm pretty frustrated, too, and online dating doesn't really work. I did start looking more into offline options. If you're geeky, most big cities have board game groups, DnD, etc.