Romantic relationship - NPD vs ASD

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Hello all,

I've learned that people with asperger's are often misdiagnosed with personality disorder.
I know that this is because their behaviors and traits are oftentimes similar to each other.

My questions : do they show show similar behaviors in romantic relationships as well?

Many of the psychopathy(or NPD) survivor communities say that people with personality disorders show a certain relationship pattern which goes idealize-devalue-discard.

Do people with asperger's show a certain relationship pattern like NPDs?

I think idealise, definitely, but I don't thing ASD's do the devalue and discard (I struggle to throw away broken mugs,never mind people). It's a broad spectrum though so I will be interested to see what others think.



Are you thinking your ex may have been misdiagnosed as Asperger?

I think an Asperger pattern might be to have a very set idea of your ideal mate and to thus narrow the field to an impossible level without realising you're doing it.

A lot of NT people who have been in relationships with ASD say that the initial phases were very much like narcissistic lovebombing - the 'idealise' phase. I reckon this is because you become like a 'special interest' but alas, probably a passing one - certainly the intensity won't be as high. That was my experience.

Then as the relationship progresses - they can return to previous interests and passions and those are often carried out alone - in my relationship it certainly made me feel devalued.

The discard bit? Probably not so much with ASD.

Pretty much all romantic relationships involve that intense bonding period and hyperfocus, whether you're NT or ASD or NPD. The intensity and the disparity between the first intense flush and the 'settling in' phase can be pretty harsh though if you've previously been used to NT stuff.

NPD is an extreme version of NTs, and similar to psychopathy, which is also an extreme version of NT. Therefore, NPD has nothing to do with ASD.

I’m forever loyal and get quite attached to friends and especially romantic partners.a friend recent did something mean and left but I miss her. I miss my past love interests, so discard no, I doubt they even remember who I am, so nts seem to disgalue and discard. I’d jump back into friendships or date those women again in a heart beat, which would probably be bad for me. But that’s who I am. People discard me after my value to them is used up not the other way around, and they’re nts

I’ve never had a relationship and never will, but I admit it’s probably e more intense in the begging, like getting a new phone, you use it a lot drianing it’s battery multiple times a day over time you lose the excitement but yiu still use it a lot it’s part of your life.
I dated a girl once she visited for a week(1/2nd date, we chatted online a lot before) spent whole time cuddling and together it was tiresome later in the week I wanted to do my hobbies, but that’s not to say I didn’t want to spend a lot of time with her, balance would have to been found if we got into a relationship. Women aren’t a fleeting special interest to me. I’m just more excited and want to spend more time with them at first, isn’t everyone? So maybe I’m not like other ASD people. Wish I could find out what happen in a relationship

I am loyal to friends but I can get over someone no longer being my friend pretty easily. However like you I am extremely loyal & attached to my loves. I'm sure both my exes moved on by now & never think of me but I think of them quite a lot. I would NOT get in another relationship with them thou even if I was single & they came back into my life somehow. I really do love em & think they are better off without me in their lives cuz of the way things ended. I feel I hurt them & I do NOT want to do that to them again. About the only way I would consider getting back together with them would be if they had learned, grew & matured since our breakup & they are more compatible with me in certain ways. My 2nd girlfriend was an Aspie & things were intense in the beginning but she wanted more space than what I was giving her. I gave her space to work on a project & she broke up with me when I contracted her after. I really do feel like she quickly devalued & discorded me like what some other Aspies appear to do in relationships but I'm the opposite of that. I've known my current girlfriend over 6 years & we've been a living together over 5 & a half. I still love spending as much time with her as I can. She's still my special interest & I do have other interests but I'd ignore them in a heartbeat if I knew she wanted/needed me for something. From what I've read in this forum I know I'm the opposite of a stereotypical Aspie male in a realtionship but thankfully Cass is kind of the opposite of that too so it works out. I'd much rather women who are dependent/codependent, & needy & clingy with their romantic partners than women who are independent & like going their own way & doing their own things a lot.