Date outside your race/ethnicity?

Post Reply New Topic

Indeed! White girls with that "valley girl" thing going on are loud, stupid, obnoxious and rude. However, I've yet to meet a "valley girl" in real life. I've only seen them on TV and am beginning to wonder if they exist. But yes, people with sh*tty attitudes like that spread many a culture and race.

Race in a partner doesn't matter to me. I couldn't care less. Although, when I was 14, I swore to myself that I would only date black men. I've since grown up and realized that skin color doesn't matter.

Of course, we Aspie males cannot really afford to be picky, finding those of the opposite sex who are willing to date us is already hard enough.

They don't need the valley-girl accent to be obnoxious and stupid. My school had a lot of the "Heathers" type girl... I haven't seen the movie but I'm pretty sure thats the type of girl it was about.

Well, I changed my tastes in men when I got into the civil rights/ Asian American activist movement. I used to like Black and Latino guys more than Asian guys (because I grew up in a Black neighborhood with BET, etc), now I would only date an Asian guy (although I'm not racist) because I'm in the activist movement. I'm starting to find non-Asian guys less and less romantically attractive, not that I'm saying other ethnicities are not good looking, but I'm getting more into my culture. A LOT of things can control who a person is attracted to. For example, the Japanese used to think white folks were butt ugly. In the 1700s, they described Dutchmen as looking like dogs. Now, Europeans and biracial people are all over Japanese TV due to the pseudo-colonialist exportation of white cultural norms. Before British colonialism, the standard of beauty in India was chubbier women with long black hair and other ethnic features. Nowadays, you see Bollywood actresses with really light skin, blue contacts, and bleached hair. And tell me why the standard of beauty in Black America is represented by the biracial, light skinned Halle Berry or Tyra Banks while the standard of beauty among folks in Africa includes dark skin and ethnic hair. Read the part in 'A Raisin in the Sun' where the Nigerian fellow (forgot his name) asked Beneatha why she straightened her hair.


Most people of color know about this. I don't think you're of color, and if you're not, you probably don't understand this (unless you take PoC history/Africana/whiteness studies courses).
BTW, for all those who have a problem with 'valley girls', I just want to let you know that I talk like a cross between a valley girl and a ghetto girl (I identify as ghetto, though) and therefore am offended.

100% agreed with that. My one real relationship so far was both mixed race (me white, her half white/half middle eastern, looking much more middle eastern) and mixed disability (me with (at the time undiagnosed) AS, her with a physical disability). I find myself very attracted to mixed race women partly because i like the visual aspect of seeing different "racial" characteristics mingled (genetics is one of my perseverations), and partly because of the cultural aspects of mixed parentage generally making people more open-minded for the reasons above, as well as more "interesting" (history and politics, particularly post-colonial/slavery/empire stuff, being another) thus giving me more stuff to talk about...

Thinking about, every woman i have been seriously attracted to has either:

a) had parents of 2 different "races"/ethnicities/nationalities

b) had some sort of disability

or c) had a very unusual childhood background (very unorthodox family, brought up in "care" or left home very early due to family breakdown, travelled around a lot, etc)

and i think that's definitely to do with the above issues - those who know what it's like to be "outside" or "other" and who find difference/uniqueness interesting and to be respected...

On a purely physical level, i also find dark skin/hair/eyes a lot more attractive than light skin/hair/eyes, on average... but that doesn't mean i've *never* found a blonde/blue-eyed/white woman attractive... just that i find most dark skinned women, and relatively few white women, attractive...

on the other hand, i *have* worried about being only attracted to women and not men making me sexist and/or homophobic... but IMO, if you have *tried* to be attracted to a race/gender/whatever and failed, then it's not your fault and you simply can't help what you are/aren't attracted to, so IMO no one should worry about being racist/sexist/whatever because of their own sexual preferences, as long as you don't have similar prejudices in your non-sexual friendships...

i think the epithets "racist", "sexist" as used above are erroneous actually, shiva (hope you don't mind me calling you that - let me know if you do). it's not racist if you aren't sexually/physically attracted to a certain phenotype, surely? nor can your sexual orientation be called sexist/homophobic.

i expect it would be racist if you refused to even consider a black or asian woman, whether or not you felt attracted to them, based solely on their race.

I'm definately open to dating outside my race - and I also admit to having a "thing" for Asian women. I admit that, as a few others said, I don't usually feel attracted to black women, but there have been some exceptions. My ex was Filipino by the way.

The first and only girlfriend i've ever had (at the age of 22) which lasted a record 13 days (like the cuban missile crisis) was born in korea but was adopted and brought to australia when she was a baby. Her korean named sounded like she was whinging.

i think we actually agree here - i was saying that imo it *doesn't* make you racist/sexist/homophobic whatever...

i was using my experience as an example to compare to the people who were worried about only being attracted to a certain "race" making them "racist" - ie, for a while, when the crowd i loosely hung around with were mostly bisexual and the consensus belief there was "everyone's bisexual", i spent a bit of time worrying that only being attracted to women and not men made me some sort of sexist bigot (which, of course, it doesn't), so i could sympathise.

hope that's clearer...

(shortening my username to shiva is cool, 13 letters is a bit long to type... tho this username does make me feel a bit like i'm being worshipped or something )

I've never been attracted to a non-white girl, but if I was and she ended up liking me back, I would have no problem dating her.

I'm the same.

Tali, I agree and I've often wondered why black American celebrities seem so light - skinned compared to the ones I know in real life.

I would have to note, that I had to disregard the fact that my current long term relationship looks to be "the one." but otherwise I put down the fact that I wouldn't even consider it an issue. It would be a bigger issue whether or not the potential date would consider it an issue.

Actually from the fact that who I recently found as my girlfriend, other Aspies, people with shadow syndrome and Neurotypicals are probably your best bet. However, it wasn't until I started dating my current GF that I realized that. I wish to tell other aspies this, as it may help them find happiness.

If she were an elf, half-elf, or tiefling, maybe. Otherwise strictly humans.

I think I'd go for a Vulcan depending on their level of emotional control (less would actually be better); it's the same thing as dating an Aspie, except the Aspier they are, the more normal they would have been considered in their own society.

I. Am. A. Nerd.