This is me

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Girls barely reply to me on dating sites and I get no tinder matches. How bad am I? What can I do to improve myself?

you're not bad. online dating isn't a good measurement about someone quality. it probably have more to do how you present yourself (the quality of photos) instead of looks or something. also, it can be a problem with the website itself, or the amount of people active in your area and so on.

i would suggest you getting better photos. the lighting in your life is really good, but you should try a more natural kind of portrait, try to ask to someone take a photo of you or use some sort of tripod. also, you can add photos of you doing some activity, it seems that people like it.

Tinder is kind of s**t, so that means nothing.


That being said: shave and get a haircut; the goatee slopes in a way that makes your chin look weaker, and that long fringe makes your hair look untidy.

Upgrade the wardrobe. No need to get fancy, but I suggest a solid-colour button-up instead of a print t-shirt. Avoid slim-fit if you're carrying a few extra pounds.

Practice facial expressions. I know from experience that we aspies often have that sligthly vacant/confused/sleepy/sad face as a default expression, and it's not generally considered attractive. My trying to do away with that has sort of left me with resting murderface, but that's still an improvement. Try focusing on something off-screen when you're taking photos.


oh, and heed ltcvnzl's advice about the photos.

Dude, you're actually quite fit. Nothing wrong with your image at all.

Just be honest about yourself on these things. Might not get you many responses, but at least the responses you do get will be more genuine.

Genuine is always best.

A little smile would go a long way.

basic rule of human contact: eye contact and smile. that goes for pictures as well. that's the only tip i can give you xD

Time and time again I see photos like this along with posts from people wondering why they're not getting matches.

While the lighting on this is surprisingly good, it's still a selfie and your facial expression is not so great.

Although if you were smiling or at least not looking depressed, it might work even as a selfie.

Get someone good at photography to take photos of you and avoid selfies unless they're amazing.

Online dating decisions are split second decisions and a slightly better photo can mean the difference between a right or left swipe.

I’m a T-shirt person too, but perhaps wearing a polo shirt might photograph better?

i was going to edit my previous comment because i put an extra word that didn't made sense and end up quoting it lol i have no idea how to delete a message. sorry

there is no edit button anymore after some time? or was it always like this. anyway for some reason i wrote "the lighting in your life is really good," but your life means actually your picture.

Last edited by ltcvnzl on 15 Aug 2018, 11:12 am, edited 2 times in total.

I look at the guy's face---and I think he seems preoccupied.

There are some women who might be scared of such a photo; others, though, might like it because it conveys "depth."

It's probably better, though, in general, to smile. Preferably in a subtle manner.

I don't feel the shirt matters that much.

In the scheme of things, I feel you are correct. However, this is internet dating. I feel in terms of internet dating, a shirt can help make or break a potential match, along with the other suggestions put forth in this thread. I am no expert in such matters though.

You do have a point.....about the "making or breaking." A polo shirt would be better.

I know less about this stuff than you do, probably.

But I do know that people get turned off to those who seem unhappy or preoccupied.

Thanks all for the replies.

Interesting about the shirt. I actually just bought the one in the pic as I thought it was the best I had. Slimmer looks better to me if you're losing weight. Also I heard that if you look away from the camera it makes woman want to talk to you more as it's like you aren't paying them attention or coming across as aggressive. Smiling is hard as it just looks fake and I don't naturally change facial expressions. Smiling also makes lines appear across my face
I think my chin and jawline just naturally look very weak or it might be the fat that accumulates around my neck and never goes even when I lose weight elsewhere. Beards hides it a little bit I think.

personally i like your shirt. i don't see nothing wrong with it and i'm not a fan of polo shirts.

i don't think the advice to make woman feel like you aren't paying attention to them on online dating is a good thing, it doesn't work this way and anyway the photo doesn't give this effect... it's just too unnatural.

you can get a better photo even if you don't smile, just try another angle. it also can helps a lot with your chin if you a self-consciouss about it. this angle isn't very flattering, if you position the camera a bit higher and hold your head a little higher, projecting your chin a bit up and front it will probably help with a weak chin. even this side look can work better with the camera a bit higher. try to show less of your arm holding the camera too.

Whereabouts within the UK are you? I have a funny feeling I've met you somewhere before you know.

Grow a (longer)beard, it will massively improve your jawline.