Not interested/"friend zone"/Give me a chance

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This is the quote in question. It was the phrasing that confused me.

Person A = the person being wanted, now abbreviated to PA and Person B = the person wanting them now abbreviated to PB (yum peanut butter)

If PB professes their love and PA says, "Sorry, but I don't want that type of relationship with you. I value you as a friend," and then goes on dates with people they are interested in in that way, then PB sucks it up and looks for love elsewhere. (Ditching them as a friend being an option...)

If PB professes their love and PA says, "Sorry, but I don't want a relationship at all with anyone ever," and then goes out on a date later that night, that is deceptive and pretty awful. It is also a thing some people do to protect themselves and sometimes in a poorly thought out way, protect the other person. (Ditching them as a friend is more of an option here because honesty matters.)

If PB professes their love and PA says, "Sorry, but I don't want that type of relationship with you. I value you as a friend," and then goes on dates with people they are interested in in that way, and PB hangs around specifically maneuvering to get PA to have feelings they don't and then loses their head and throws a tantrum about PA dating other people because PB has professed their love... Well then PB is an immature human and sorta a suck friend. (PA could and perhaps should consider ditching PB as a friend at this point.)

No I’m saying if you do want a relationship just not with that person just tell them that, don’t lie to them then date some guy week later then expect them to not be hurt you lied to them.
It’s bettet to tell people the truth the make up false excuses.

I can’t be friends with someone I’m romantically interested in. I’ve neber had in person female friends and most likely never will. It’s painful to be friends with someone you love and watch them date other people, as you hang out your feelings for them grow deeper and that pain hurts more. Some will ask you to d things and take advantage of your feelings. No it’s better to part ways find other friends you don’t love.
I dont know if you realize how painful it is.

Like take this woman she said she couldn’t handle a relationship with any men and that her therapist said it’s best she avoid romantic relationships for while. Then very next day started dating a guy and moved in with him.
So she lied, she did want and handle relationship and it’s very likely she was already seeing that guy along with me and the other two she told me about at the time she told me she didn’t want a relationship. Is that ok behavior to you? How’d you feel if you had a son and a woman did that to him? What if a man did it to you?
If I’m not romantically interested in a woman I just tell her so and say sorry. I don’t make up a lie

He’ll get more upset about the lie when he finds out. Women need to stop walking on eggshells around men and it’s not a valid excuse for lying it just causes more hurt and confusion. They’d be better just ghosting the person. They doe this to keep the friendship but friendships can’t be built on lies.

Flirting is irreverent and useless and it needs to be forgotten.
She’ll just think you’re a nice friendly guy and put you in the friend zone.

It's easier to find a girlfriend if you're already friends with a woman.

She can give good advice. She might also have a friend who is lonely---and she can put in a good word for you.

You should seriously run a how to not be a jerk and date hotline or something...

I’d ditch pa in the first 2 Situations, so it’d never get to situation 3 and situation 3 is the reason why when one person cinfrssses their love the friendship should end cause of bless pb is the hopeless giving up type who doesn’t have any hope they be hopeful she come around every time she says something nice or does some activities with him or breaks up with a current bf. Pa knows this and quite a few people use this to their advantage. Same girl I talked about earlier did with me. She knew my feelings and so kept teasing me to keep me on the hook. I should have ended the friendship instead of continuing it for 5 months until she wanted to date me but she also was dating 2 other guys. She had sex with one right before coming to see me and left mid week to go have sex with the other guy. She didn’t even try to have sex with me, but she did want to move in with me cause her roommates moved out and she didn’t have a place to live. When I said she couldn’t thsts when she said it wouldn’t work out cause she didn’t want a relationship with anyone then day or so later told me she was dating this guy she moved in with and his 2 male roommates.

So I won’t do that again no female friends for me unless I have zero attractive to her which never happens for me I find 95% of women attractive and will fall for them.
Only exception is if when we meet it’s made clear immediately they are in a relationship.
That’s just how my mind works, once a romantic interest always a romantic interest.

Doesn’t work thst way for me.

I’m never good enough for people’s female friends. They say it’s cause my job situation.i dont habe my life together

You might do better in Portland.....

I wish you could try to be a little friendlier in the store. You've worked there awhile. You've shown that you could keep a hard job to keep (in retail). You've shown the ability to assert your rights.

It's pretty easy to get fired from a retail job. And you haven't gotten fired. I was actually fired from a bagel shop when I was a young man. After one day!

I feel like you can take the next step.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 24 Dec 2018, 8:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

And if you don't flirt with her she'll definitely think you're a nice friendly guy who's not interested in her and put you in the friend zone anyway. Is it not better to show that you're attracted to her from the get-go, in a playful, pressure-less manner? Once you build a platonic chemistry with somebody, you slowly ease the flirting in and ramp it up the more she reciprocates. I've been flirting with women online and they seem to like it.

KraftieKortie, what do you think of this?

Friendzone is better than nothing...

I've had a lot of "nothings" in my life.

I truly believe that having a female friend, and having the ability to show that you can be friends with a woman, makes a man score points with women. A woman thinks that a man could relate to her better than a man who only has male friends.

I feel that this approach is much better than paying 60 bucks a year for dating sites or whatever.

Most successful men have female friends.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 24 Dec 2018, 8:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Bumping my own post because I don't want us ignoring it, myself included

Last edited by cberg on 24 Dec 2018, 9:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't have problems with having female friends. I find women in general make better friends for me because I like the emotional and nurturing nature to them. Being an emotional guy myself I need friends who can empathize with me, and men often just want to keep a stiff upper lip and "man up" instead of talking about feelings and etcetera.

But what do you think about getting interest from somebody you'd like to date? Yay or nay on being flirty early on?

I’m just saying people place too much importance on flirting

Not for me it isn’t I’d rather be alone then be some woman’s “friend”
Been there done that no thanks. I only speak for myself. If others can put up with that pain good for them.

Nay on the flirting, for the most part.....unless she flirts with you. Some women like it when a man flirts---but others really don't. I would err on the side of caution with this.

Hang out with a woman like you would hang out with a guy friend----but without talking about women or about sports too much (unless she's into sports---which is very possible these days).

Talk about art and literature. Or talk about your family.

If you start talking about the "singles scene" or dating statistics, you're gravy.