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Buffaloboy92
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Joined: 18 Sep 2017
Age: 32
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Location: Buffalo, NY

24 Feb 2019, 7:49 pm

It seems my significant other is like unwilling to show much interest in certain activities I do that she doesn’t do. For example if I say let’s do this, she’ll be like “no let’s do that, that is not my cup of tea,” etc. etc. She seems like one: uninterested in hanging out more than twice a week and two: only wants to come over to my home when she feels like it. It’s on a two week basis. I don’t know what to do with her. She also tends to not have many friends to socialize with even tho I try to get her to. Our honeymoon phase is pretty much ending and we’ve only been serious after a year. It’s unknown really how opposites attract because she and I are different but have much in common. Any ways we can get more intimate without having to distance ourselves from one another?



Piobaire
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25 Feb 2019, 2:22 am

I've had friends and lovers like that. I could either (A) accept them exactly as they are, respect their boundaries, and honor their personhood and agency, or (B) wish them well and walk away. Considering how insatiably needy I was back then, I can hardly blame them for setting limits and boundaries; if they hadn't, I'd have surely sucked the life right out of them. In retrospect, I'm deeply grateful to them for the gifts they offered me despite myself, no matter how conditional. Wishing that anyone or anything were any other than exactly who and what they are is consistently futile, frustrating, and self-defeating.
I wish you peace.



Buffaloboy92
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Joined: 18 Sep 2017
Age: 32
Gender: Male
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Location: Buffalo, NY

25 Feb 2019, 4:19 am

Thank you for your advice, we will get better soon. For now she can only hang out a certain number of times until she gets her family priorities straight and our intimacy gets back up to date. Hanging out with a girl every day of the week seems unhealthy but we are convenient. Plus we split the bill every time we go out to eat through separate checks so try to complain. It’s her mother’s rules, just to help us save money. Won’t let me pay for anything for her anymore and since the last shopping run, it’s touch and go.



Eclipse1111
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25 Feb 2019, 6:54 pm

Buffaloboy92 wrote:
Thank you for your advice, we will get better soon. For now she can only hang out a certain number of times until she gets her family priorities straight and our intimacy gets back up to date. Hanging out with a girl every day of the week seems unhealthy but we are convenient. Plus we split the bill every time we go out to eat through separate checks so try to complain. It’s her mother’s rules, just to help us save money. Won’t let me pay for anything for her anymore and since the last shopping run, it’s touch and go.


That's good. Is she an Aspie or NT?



Fnord
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25 Feb 2019, 7:48 pm

Buffaloboy92 wrote:
It seems my significant other is like unwilling to show much interest in certain activities I do that she doesn’t do. For example if I say let’s do this, she’ll be like “no let’s do that, that is not my cup of tea,” etc. etc. She seems like one: uninterested in hanging out more than twice a week and two: only wants to come over to my home when she feels like it. It’s on a two week basis. I don’t know what to do with her. She also tends to not have many friends to socialize with even tho I try to get her to. Our honeymoon phase is pretty much ending and we’ve only been serious after a year. It’s unknown really how opposites attract because she and I are different but have much in common. Any ways we can get more intimate without having to distance ourselves from one another?
That's not "love". That's a "Relationship of Convenience". Move on.



Buffaloboy92
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Joined: 18 Sep 2017
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 59
Location: Buffalo, NY

26 Feb 2019, 6:34 am

She is an Aspie actually.



Sweetleaf
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01 Mar 2019, 11:24 am

Buffaloboy92 wrote:
Thank you for your advice, we will get better soon. For now she can only hang out a certain number of times until she gets her family priorities straight and our intimacy gets back up to date. Hanging out with a girl every day of the week seems unhealthy but we are convenient. Plus we split the bill every time we go out to eat through separate checks so try to complain. It’s her mother’s rules, just to help us save money. Won’t let me pay for anything for her anymore and since the last shopping run, it’s touch and go.


Hmm well your age says 26 so I assume she's also an adult, so the not being able to hang out to get family priorities straight seems kind of weird. Like what kind of priorities?

I mean this is her decision to only hang out a few times of her own accord?....or her family is demanding she prioritize them over relationships. I guess my concern would be she might have a kind of weird family situation or over-protective family which could interfere with the relationship. I mean her mom should not really be involved in how you guys pay while on dates or whether or not you can buy anything for her.

I understand if she lives at home she may have to go along with it a little, but if she's not willing to set some boundaries and be a little more independent...I cannot imagine the relationship getting serious enough to last long term.


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Buffaloboy92
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Joined: 18 Sep 2017
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 59
Location: Buffalo, NY

02 Mar 2019, 11:09 am

Thanks for your concern. It’s just that we can’t hang out like in the old days reaching the end of our honeymoon phase. Her family priorities are to help around the house and take care of a 2 year old puppy in which she leaves her phone up in her room to avoid it getting chewed up and doesn’t get around to answer it much at night when she is watching her shows and it sometimes gets on my nerves that the puppy is not maturing enough yet. She only wants to hang out a few times per week with me mainly cause she looks out for her own. I know her family is not suggesting she prioritize family activity over relationships, it’s just that I don’t find her parents easy going enough as she says they are. They let us go out but it’s just not fair we’re not out on our own taking on the world by ourselves just yet.