Does anyone know of good ways to handle frusteration?

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So I am in a relationship and it is good over-all. But I have a hard time handling it when I am frustrated, so I end up kind of taking it out on my boyfriend. I mean it has started to become a bit of an issue in the relationship so I need to try and find a better way of handling it when I get frustrated. I mean its certainly not an issue of my boyfriend just saying that, like I 100% do react badly to frustration and its harming the relationship...so this is certainly an issue I need to work on.

So I guess I was just wondering what other people on here do to manage frustration. Like today we had an argument thing over vaping. I mean we've actually both stopped smoking cigarettes, and have been using smok novo devices. Well apparently they have a few little flaws and things, so tonight mine kinda started crapping out so I may need to get a new device. But it frusterated me because I have done well with it, like I haven't smoked cigarettes since I've been using it. So it was very frustrating that, the device was crapping out....but I was getting all worked up about it. My boyfriend even offered to let me use his device for tonight, and then tomorrow I can go to the vape shop and get a replacement. But then at one point he thought he got mine working well enough, that maybe it would work ok till I went to the vape shop, and I took it to mean he was revoking his offer of letting me use his vape tonight so I started freaking out over that. We did apologize about being as*holes to each other, because in response to my freaking out sometimes he can be a little sarcastic or whatever...but usually I have already been acting like an as*hole for a bit before that occurs. So its like his response to me irrationally attacking him over being frustrated about things he had no part in causing.

I mean I hate it, I get upset over something and then I get all irrational and yell some...reminds me of my mom, and I don't want to be my mom. So I really need to find some way to handle when I start feeling frustrated before I reach the point that I'm just being crazy. I mean my boyfriend is awesome, and he does not deserve that sort of thing so I would like to make it so, that is not a thing he has to deal with from me. I mean seriously none of you here on this forum or people in general would enjoy being around me when I get worked up like that, so no wonder he's not too fond of it.

So really does anyone have ideas about how to deal with frustration in a more healthy manner that doesn't hurt your S.O? like seriously its not fair, he works his ass off on a full time job and what not, so the last thing he needs is me freaking out about things that frustrate me. I think it is good I am thinking about this though, because I think this problem of mine is what contributes to a good majority of our arguments.

Just stop nagging on him over stupid things.
Please don’t be that “nagging wife”.

As simple as that.

Otherwise....

I mean even though I have this issue, he insists that he loves me. So its worth it for me to try and correct the problem I mean if someone can love me even in the face of some of my ridiculous and horrible coping skills, and immature behavior....kind of makes it worth it for me to really try to work on some of that.

Were you always like this or it increased so much recently?

Maybe you don’t love him anymore that much and in denial of so.

For sure.

I do my best not to do that, like we had a recent argument about dishes....but realistically it truly is fair if I deal with the dishes. I mean he works full time and also does most of the cooking because he certainly makes better food than I would.....so at least with that one we agreed its fair for me to do all the dishes because he cooks all the food.

Its either that or I do the cooking and he does the dishes, but I think his food tastes better than anything I would come up with.

But yeah its not like naggy things, its just like I get frustrated about something...and then he has to hear all my b*tching and moaning about it, so that is the thing I am trying to stop. Like figure out some way when I start to feel frustrated I can get control over it and not end up seeming like a child throwing a fit.

Its a problem I have had since I was a kid, seriously no adult ever taught me how to deal with frustration. They also did not teach me anything about how to handle bullying...which getting bullied as a kid kind of destroyed my confidence. Also even though I do have autism, my mom is part of the reason I have such bad social skills. I mean when I was a very young child whenever I had any kind of little issue with another kid, she jumped in so I never really got to learn how to handle myself in situations like that. And she remained kind of over-protective into my teen years.

But I would say I certainly do still love my boyfriend, that is the entire reason I even posted this. Because I love him and I don't want to drag him down with unhealthy habits and coping skills i've developed.

Not so on topic: but your life arrangement with your boyfriend contradicts your feminist values, it is a typical 50s style gender role based relationship.

You realize that, don’t you?

Do you think it’s another reason for your fruturations?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 09 Mar 2019, 2:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well I am on disability, my boyfriend is not....if I didn't need to be on disability I might have had a full time job to. But what I believe is the person in the relationship who makes more money(wether its the female or male) should you know support the other person. I mean really what we want to do is just create our own business then we can both work that business and make money.

I mean its not my fault that along with the autism I got PTSD, because a peice of sh*t decided to shoot a girl at my highschool(I knew the girl and we could have become friends). But now I am working towards getting a job I could stick in for a while...But so far every job I've had, I just get fired or they stop giving me hours after a couple months.

But I mean for the time being if I am at home more than my boyfriend, then I should do the cleaning and such...as that means I have more time that I am not at work than he does. Right now I am doing some part time stuff at a talking book library that provides audio book type things to blind people as well as braille books and people with physical issues that makes it hard for them to hold books. Unfortunately its only temporary, sucks because I think if I actually got hired on I could really help at that place, Like I have been able to pretty easily do everything they have taught me. But with voc rehab some of these things are only temporary to help you get job experience and skills you can put on a resume.

If anything at this job I feel they should just give me more info. Like the other day I was supposed to scan some books into the system...and one of them had an error so I had to get someone to help me with that. But if they had just told me to put books aside when that specific error comes up, I would have gotten through the work without any help. Problem was no one told me beforehand that with that error you just set the book aside, if the had I would have just done that and continued on. I mean its a good place it seems but sometimes they aren't so clear on telling you what to do. Like that day I was doing that task the superviser just gave me very basic instructions and disappeared for a half hour...well one book would not scan so eventually I got another person to help and they just said to set the book aside when that happens and continue on. But wether it was real or just my own second guessing of myself, I kind of felt like she was sort of implying I should already know that...when no one ever instructed me on what to do if a book won't scan. I just get weary of people treating me like some idiot because I didn't already know a thing that no one ever told me about.

As for feminist values, I simply believe everyone should have equal rights. I mean there are still places in the world women are oppressed so feminism is a good thing in those places. I mean I think for instance in the U.S women have gained equal rights and such...so now should be the time to focus on everyone being treated more fairly. Like feminism does not make so much sense in the current U.S I think here we need to be focusing more on equal rights for everyone and maybe allow people to actually talk...I mean there have been both left wingers and right wingers trying to impose ridiculous censors on speech. And what does it solve? nothing.

This kind of stuff may kill a relationship. Instead of taking it out on him you should start to talk to him about the things that frustrate you. If he likes you he will help you to take the things a bit easier and get over the proplems.

But what have your problems to do with feminism? Better you keep ill behaviour because of strange ideas out of your relationship. Your boyfriend is your partner not your enemy. And even in USA the women have to care about the children and stay at home for this and try to keep the environment where they live a bit nicer. Men are of different nature and most don't care as much about the home because it's not the same way important for men. It's rather the place to relax only. Men and women are still the same way as in stoneage once it comes to this.

I am not really into feminism, I think it is more important for women living in oppressive countries who need to stick up for their equal rights. As for the U.S maybe now is the time to focus on improving things for everyone.

My girlfriend gets frustrated & takes things out on me a lot. I haven't really found anything that works for her except it happens a lot less when she's in better mental health. Trying to treat her depression, anxiety, other mental issues, & pain issues or work within those things while trying to keep stressors down helps. Those things can be beyond 1s control sometimes(or lots of times) thou.

I've been trying journaling for this kind of thing. Instead of venting my frustration at other people, I write it into the journal. It's nice because I can write as angrily as I would otherwise yell. The only trick is recognizing when I need to stop interacting with the other person and turn to the journal instead.

“Woman yelling at her man, while the man is putting up to it” is becoming so social norm. It is becoming a so common scenario.

How about to learn to have some respect toward the SO?

When my ex tried the silent treatement once I was like “do this again, and i will break up with you”; and she never did it again. She never yelled at me tho.
Frankly I would not last more than a week with someone treating like the OP to her bf, I would have took her back to her mommy.

Probably a reason why she eventually cheated on me, it could be she wanted a typical man who accepts those stuff and plays along, I know the guy and I know he accept such treatment for the sake of sex.

I refuse that tho.

I put up with it cuz Cass is very sweet & affectionate with me a lot of the time. It's just she has her issues when she gets stressed out. I have my own share of issues & I make things worse for her sometimes. Like I ask questions about plans which I know will stress her out but I really want to know them. I ask her to do some things for me cuz I have a hard time doing them like cooking which stresses her out by giving her more to do; I do wash most of the dishes thou. I also sometimes snap(have a minor meltdown) & yell at her when I reach my limit with taking it.

Sweetleaf: When I find myself getting irritable, I try to put some space between myself and other people. If it's with my husband, I may go in the bedroom and shut the door. If I'm driving my daughter somewhere and she goes off on me, I drive safely and cautiously until I can get her where she needs to go and then I depart. Sometimes breathing hard and deliberately, a bit slower than usual, gets me through the hairy part. I hope this helps a bit.

One must have other methods of dealing with conflict than breaking up with someone, as you recognize.