Am I doomed?

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I don’t want to date some wrinkled old woman no thanks. 20-35 is my age range I find attractive and it doesn’t matter anyways as I’m not good enough for any woman older then 23 and I’m too old to date such women anymore.

"I don't take ones," said the beggar. "I only accept larger bills--minimum $10."


-

"Man, I'm hungry."

There are many women in their 50's who are not "wrinkled old women."

Jennifer Aniston is about 50 years old now. Take a look at her....

There was a woman in the library who was pretty "up there." Yet....I wouldn't refuse her overtures!

And if a guy says he’ll date anyone you’d call him desperate and creepy.
So damned if you do damned if you don’t. I’ll just be me.

Cause such women are going want to date a worthless subhuman like me
Such women have spent lots of time and money maintaining their looks. They want well off men who’ve done same.

I don’t find older women attractive
That’s not wrong. If you do that’s not wrong

One last time, Sly:

YOU ARE NOT SUBHUMAN!

After this, I will say no more about it.

I don't consider myself "subhuman." Why should you?

Because people treat me as such clearly people don’t treat you so but your older and more successful

Your not a 30 year old on disability working 12 hours a week at a retail store.
Everyone sees me as worthless even my coworkers and treat me as such.
I’d bet if the government could I’d be sent to a death camp.

I've actually had elderly women hit on me but they don't look like Jennifer Aniston. They were wrinkled and old fashioned "grandma" types. I would choose solitude over dating someone who is old enough to be my grandmother if they were my only option.

You're only doomed if you have decided so and do nothing to change. At 24 that would be really premature to write yourself off. You have time to keep trying and to work on it.

If your major problem seems to be the social aspect there's three things I think of right off that you can do. 1st is you can read. Find books that talk about social interaction, body language and the like. (try to check that the author is somewhat reputable.) 2nd is to practice. If it's not too odd, sit in front of a mirror and try to have a conversation with the wall, the mirror, yourself (anything) and take note of have you look in the mirror. Where are your hands? Are you slouching? Are you still or moving? Then when you actually speak with someone in person, do a mental check on those same things. This can help you develop some self awareness of your own body language I have a tendency of having my arms in front of myself, so I have to check myself at times so remember to drop them. Its an unconscious things I do to guard myself but for other people, they read it as me being 'closed', uncomfortable, and that they should stay away from me. Where that' fine with me for some people, there are others I don't want to come off that way. Another part of practice is just talking with other people. Talking online works fine for that too is you're really just starting out, find some people to chat with here even. Small talk is arduous but it can help with creating some comfortably with speaking with others. It doesn't have to be a lot, make a comment about the weather to a check out person in a store if need be. Anything, to get the practice. 3rd Is to rework conversations you had later on in your head. It doesn't have to be every time, but to think back and try to identify what you did or said that seemed to go well and what could use improvement. For the things that could have been better, try to think up what may have worked better for you to use next time. Or hell, ask us here for some direction if needed.

I do the 3rd one fairly often myself, because of my anxiety. I like to have plans on how I might handle something. I will say, most people that do bother to try to converse with me generally don't recognize that I am anxious. So if nothing else, doing these things can help mask how freaking nervous you are.

It's hard to fight negative thoughts of yourself, and feelings of inadequacy but know that getting into a habit of dwelling on them is going to hurt you more. Not much is better people repellent than negativity. You are not powerless, you've barely even started. Because those of us on the spectrum struggle with social interaction I think we have to take a more active roll in trying to improve it. I mean, simply letting time take it's course, thinking we'll get better that way, may not be enough for us; unless we have some pro-mimicking happening.

I am trying. I work out 4-5 times a week. I see a psychiatrist every week. I have a somewhat productive hobby in drawing. I can't take the advice of a woman seriously to be frank because women don't struggle nearly as much to find relationships even with the aspergers handicap.

well how do you explain guys like me who done anything in my power and still are virgin for life? why would any woman want me when i have 100+ flaws?

What did you try?

Did you try not telling them about your flaws?

everything, nothing worked.

i did not, they just knew i had those flaws by looking at me and talking with me. flaws can be seen, especially if you have many flaws of them.

Aye Ya... I don't know where to start

Uh, where you may not take any of my advice seriously I am still going to offer a couple more things. When a woman sees or hears that a man is not take her seriously (because you perceive she has an advantage in this case) on something she is automatically going to wonder what else that man won't take seriously about her or what she might have to say. That tends to make women think/feel like that they aren't respected and we tend to see that as a sign to walk the other direction.

There may be some truth to the idea that women have an easier time finding relationships, I honestly have no idea. But to make that kind of generalization I can only see hurting you. Everyone has their own life, perception and experience and you or anyone else isn't going to know what those things are for someone else. We all have things, regardless of gender that makes relationships/dating difficult. Women, particularly those with a disorder are more likely to end up in an abusive relationship, but that doesn't mean a man's advice about abusive relationships shouldn't be taken seriously.

Another thought is, advice from a woman would likely be a hell of a lot better than from another male in the same situation for instance. I've seen a lot of guys go on about how to get women and "what women want" and I can't help but roll my eyes sometimes. To me it makes more sense to hear from women what they like and what makes them feel more at ease to chat or date someone than what some guy thinks we want/need for that. But that could just be me!

The advice I gave before was primarily to more so address some of the social difficulties you mentioned. It wasn't so much "how to get a date" advice so much as "how to do the social thing better". the other pieces have to do with mind set but those are also applicable for just trying to get along with others. I would have said the same things if you had been asking for making friends vs trying to get a date.



Well I'm assuming you're not dead yet, so you still got a shot

I can't really explain since that's not really enough information for me to even surmise anything.

Everyone has flaws, some more than others but they all have 'em. Some flaws do require fixing or at least adjusting while others are just apart of you and require someone that is going to accept and love things too.

its kind of always bothered me, how cases like this are male-dominated

1) You need to focus on building up a network of FRIENDS (of BOTH sexes; it might be best to start with other men) before you can find a girlfriend. You should think of a romantic relationship as an advanced form of friendship. Trying to find a romantic relationship without first having friends is like trying to learn calculus without having had algebra.

2) Friendship often starts via bonding around shared interests. THAT is the reason to go to social gatherings about things that interest you. However, if you think that won't work for you, then I would suggest that you first try to find people online, in online forums relevant to your interests, where hopefully you can find some people who both share your interests AND live near you. THEN agree with those people to go to the afore-mentioned social gatherings and meet them there. That might be less awkward for you than just going to the gatherings by yourself, when you don't yet know anyone at all.