Can you look up people from the past?

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I know what you mean. I wish I could contact both my exes. I still love them & I guess I always will. I'm sure they both moved on & are much better off without me in their lives. We were having fights around the time we broke up & had some after that I know I'm majorly responsible for. I'm also sure they had a much easier time moving on from me than I did moving on from them. I bet they haven't thought of me or us in a very long time & the last thing I wanna do is turn up in their lives & stir up bad feelings for them. It would NOT be good for either of us. I doubt I'd be able to figure out how to find them or contact them online anyways. I just wish I knew they were doing well.

It's possible but I have a story that is a little similar. Short, there was this girl who I seen in 7th-8th grade but never had actual connection with beyond a couple words. We both went to other schools after that, I did develop an obsession with her all until a few years after I finished my high school years and she only became more bothered that I was being almost creepy. In the end, she got married less than a year ago.

Well our stories are quite different. After all, in your case, she found you creepy. In my case, on the other hand, those girls kept reaching out to me and I kept ignoring them. So how do I know they stopped liking me? I don't. Well, "logic" says they "should" -- since they wouldn't be sitting there for 15 years obsessing about me. But I didn't "see" that happening, did I? All I "saw" was the time when they kept reaching out to me. I have no idea what happened after that. Thats why I wish I could contact them to see.

It would be a bad idea on their part to obsess over a person they had casual, superficial contact with 15 years ago. They would be giving up opportunities to focus on people actually in their lives in the meantime, and they would have no reason to put so much energy into something they had no actual experience with, i.e. they'd have no idea whether it would've actually worked out at all, so it would be like cooking meals every day for 15 years for someone who isn't there and they don't even know if they'd enjoy a dinner with. Additionally, people associate this kind of obsession with, like, serial killers and stalkers and things because that's what serial killers and stalkers actually do.

All this pertains to you, too. The time in your life that these people were in your life probably means something to you more than the people themselves being that you had no real interaction with the people. It's best to leave the people out of it to the extent that they're not in your life and you have no interaction with them.

The idea of men obsessing over women they have not relationship with is extremely common and is frightening to the women. Frightening people, i.e. making them wonder about how they're going to be harmed more concretely without any indication of how to stop it from happening, is a positive harm, i.e. it's a really bad idea.

Thats what I don't get: what is the connection between doing what I am doing and being serial killer?

I guess to be honest I don't understand why there are serial killers on the first place. Its like they don't care about THEIR OWN life since they are willing to just spend it all in jail for the sake of something that makes no sense.

On the other hand, when I obsess about a girl, I care about my life A WHOLE LOT. So why would I be lumped together with those serial killers then?

Is it sort of like they don't understand why I obsess, they don't understand serial killers, so the two things they don't understand must have something in common? I guess first of all I am not sure why they don't understand why I obsess: haven't they ever felt lonely? If they didn't have anyone in their life for several years they would obsess too. But if they REALLY don't understand -- then ask! Why not ask me instead of just randomly deciding I am a serial killer?

Serial killers can be really arrogant and self important for one thing. They're often obsessed with power, which I don't think is entirely uncommon, it's just they express it in uncommon ways which cause conflict.


Lots of people feel lonely. That's why they go to night clubs and things, spend time with friends, meet people. These are things that make the prospect of meeting someone they had casual, superficial contact with 15 years ago seem really, really boring.


Not if they had, like, a hobby.


Because that takes an investment of time, energy, attention, etc. They have to figure out if they trust what you're saying. The way they tell if they can trust you is if what you're saying squares up with good experiences they had in the past, or with what other people have said about their experiences through things like gossip. Obsessing is universally negative. It looks like it's not worth an additional investment of time, energy, attention, etc.

So are you saying she will think I am "obsessed with power" -- as in "power" to find someone from the past?

But obsession with power won't imply I am a serial killer. Like you said, lots of people are obsessed with power and only select few become serial killers.



I tried night clubs a couple of times, it didn't help. Everyone were just drunk there.



Well, I don't know how to make friends and meet people. Thats what Asperger is all about.



Well, one thing that made it not superficial is that she seemed to be going out of her way to talk to me, which doesn't happen very often.



I had some hobbies: like running, walking, surfing the internet, going to the library/book store, etc. But none of those hobbies replace real human interaction. And, as far as human interaction, there is something about me that women don't approach me -- which is why I am obsessing about the ones that did.



So why would they trust GOSSIP more than the actual person. GOSSIP is superficial, its basically whether or not I am "cool".

Tracking them down now would just creep them out, as others have pointed out. It's not like they were close friends of yours (in which case tracking them down might be non-creepy).

You know NOTHING about these women except that they were trying to be nice to you. It is better to seek out women with whom you have common interests.

there was a very nice young lady named mary rivard [there are HUNDREDS of so-named individuals out there] who, when i was in the 4th grade [back in 1970], was kind enough to help me with my abysmal math. i was too clueless to thank her, and by the time it occurred to me to thank her, her [military] family had moved away.

To an extent. I think you're trying to impose your own idiosyncratic (or at least less commonly accepted) definition of the situation on the idea of finding people who haven't indicated they want you to do something so unusual and typically considered frightening.


I went to a nightclub with friends when I had abs you could see through my shirt. I did one-legged squats and a girl stood like 10 feet away from me in silence for a couple minutes at the end of the night, I think indicating she wanted to talk to me, maybe in pursuit of going home with me being that it was a nightclub. I think it's kind of like gambling--hit and miss. You've got to give them something to go on, etc.


I assure you, if you follow the "rules" (they're not really rules) it'll go easier. You've got to observe the social context. It actually seems very childish to me. I figured it out (to the extent I've figured it out--I hang out with people and work now) by imitating weird Japanese cartoons to an extent--the way it's kind of a back and forth fakey conflict sometimes. But that's me and my sense of humor. The point I'm trying to make in general is you've got to give people something they consider acceptable to go on.


Maybe she thought you were cute or endearing, but you didn't have a very in depth conversation, so you don't know what she really thought either about you or about life or anything that makes a relationship work. Which I think is why you've got a kind of fantasy attitude toward the whole thing now--you're putting what you want to put on it on it more than what was actually there in any sustainable way.


It's not entirely about replacing the interaction. It's more about thinking about something other than girls or a particular girl, and which you can talk to people about if they show interest. This is one of the reasons people watch such horrible, lowest common denominator nonsense on TV--it's accessible, it gains them purchase with a lot of people.


They trust the people they gossip with. They gossip with them about things they both know about to see if they make sense, then, knowing they know about what they both know about, they make assumptions as to the believability of the other stuff, which they check up on themselves and through gossip with other people. It's like the news, or detective work. They're getting leads all the time. I'm someone I wanted everything to be cut and dry, black or white, true or false, and logical all the time. People are a lot more intuitive than that. Most people don't have time to work things out scientifically even if they want to.

It also, for many of us, involves having intense hobbies/interests.

Do you have any hobbies/interests? If so, try to find (e.g. via Meetup) groups of people who share those interests. That's a much better way to find friends than by going to nightclubs. The most basic ingredient of friendship (or anything beyond friendship) is companionship -- having things you enjoy doing together or talking about together.

I agree. I try to avoid nightclubs on autistic principle.