Is it a myth or not that women dislike us?

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Unless fine points of philosophy were her idea of fun


Thanks for saying it. Whenever I say it, they don't believe me because I'm female :/

Some people here uses what's called 'double binding'.

The only way to avoid such accusations is not to discuss problems about attraction.

Aspies struggle to make friends and have to endure countless social rejection. Aspies are often extreme introverts and that makes life difficult and increases social isolation. Aspies often have other issues like depression and social anxiety that makes our lives frustrating

Last edited by Rainbow_Belle on 09 Oct 2019, 2:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

This is the wisest post in this thread; The wisdom prize goes to you.

Also there's another fallacy: they don't have to know about AS in order to dislike people with AS, but they would still hate the traits common in AS people: extreme introversion, lack of people sense , lack of socialization, no conversational skills, loner , often lack of confidence due to life experiences...etc. Those are unpopular traits. Even guys like Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg were never sex symbols in media. lol

I have been communicating with NT women lately in a local online atheist community, and in dating topics, while they are giving advice, every one of them expressed flat out that the typical 'geek' archetype (which is a common archetype among atheist men) isn't attractive to them nor to the female friends whom they know - and they give tips to better and look less geeky. These women probably never heard of AS or know very little about it, but they know it as other more common terms (geek, nerd, introvert, weirdo...etc). Ok...maybe it's a small community of 100+ people but still as significant sample, and these are atheists who are supposedly to be the least conformists in society...

In a whatsapp group, which has members from this same community of both genders, during a topic talk, some females (per consensus!) told me to replace my whatsapp pic (in suit with glasses) with the one I am using on a dating app (which have seen earlier, a beach pic) ; their reason was it looks way sexier and way less "nerdy" - I am hesitant to do so because I have all my employers and work contacts on my whatsapp...unlike dating apps.

I am talking real life experiences, nor myths nor idealism.

Out of sheer curiosity: Would you be attracted to a geeky woman - in all the aspects of geekiness you believe to be unattractive in males? AFAIK being totally waxed is a social norm for a woman in your culture, so add unshaven body hair to the package. No make up ever and the simplest hairstyle in existence are obvious.

Someone like ugly Betty? She's fine....even tho I would hate the feeling of braces while kissing.

AFAIK being totally waxed is a social norm for a woman in virtually almost all urban cultures dear, not just in mine - as goes for men's short haircut.

Out of sheer curiosity: would you be attracted to a man with a very long bearded (down to waist) totally not groomed with food drops all over it? So while kissing him you would be like "Mmmm baby you taste like....chicken nuggets?"

Welcome to my circle of long haired men and unwaxed women
Million city, highly educated, employed, most in stable long-term relationships.

I don't know. Depends on other attributes. I'm attracted to intelligent, creative engineers, some of them have beards, some don't.
My husband's beard often smells of spices from the dinner

Last edited by magz on 09 Oct 2019, 4:04 am, edited 1 time in total.

So this is a useful beard for cooking, when you're out of a certain spice.

This, same as magz I've said it before too many times, but imo this perspective doesnt facilitate the path of least resistance so it's dismissed.

Totally waxed is the norm? Seriously?

I would agree that most NT women are not attracted to a nerdy look or behavior. I haven't had much social contact with aspie women to know if (most of them) are the same or not.

I'm saying this out of life experience and things I've been told over the years.
Its not misogyny.

Misogyny would be expressing hatred over this,or trying to say their preferences are wrong. I just accept it as a fact and deal with it.

I do believe there are men who are attractive to a large number of women. When I was at school there was one really good looking bloke and most of the women wanted him for a boyfriend.
That being said, I think that even if you are nerdy you stand a chance because from what I've read on here there are women who are attracted to things you wouldn't expect.

Last edited by WalkerTR on 09 Oct 2019, 4:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

Strongly agree. Or at least, maybe you can't overcome it, but you can accept it is a difficulty you have.

Given the general lack of awareness of Asperger's among the NT population, it's difficult to imagine women sitting around discussing men and agreeing they dislike men with Asperger's.

Very strongly agree. My psychotherapist spent years telling me that if I came across as needy and lacking confidence this would inevitably make me unattractive, whether as a friend or as a sexual partner. Experience shows it was possible for the younger me to find myself a girlfriend, very occasionally, despite hating myself as much as I then did; but it would be a girlfriend with pretty serious self-esteem issues of her own, which was not necessarily a recipe for success. Slowly I realized my psychotherapist was correct: observation proved beyond doubt that it wasn't the good-looking guys nor even necessarily the affluent guys who did well with the ladies, it was simply the ones who came across as reasonably confident and able to stand on their own two feet.

How to get to the stage where you come across as confident and able to stand on your own two feet is a whole other question...

Some degree of innapropriate behavior to the situation at hand is an intrinsc aspie trait ^-^ this produces a lack of confidence ^-^
Unemployment is also common among aspies, this is not a death sentence but does hurt ones chances
Also,if 'I can't get a date' threads are common around here that would suggest OP has a point

A pretty low percentage, but there is a minority of men like this who do exist.


I think men who feel the way you described are not generally men who believe that most other men have an allure that attracts most women to them, but men who have seldom or never been able to attract women, and thus, haven't been given much reason to have faith in their own attractiveness.

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Call me pedantic, but in some way they are more alike, and in others, they deviate from each other a bit more. If you go up to a random woman on the street and ask them what colour eyes or hair they like most on guys, it would be difficult to predict how they would answer. If you go up to a random woman on the street and ask whether she'd prefer a guy who is unemployed or a guy who has a stable job, or a guy who's taller than her vs a guy who's shorter than her, you're going to have a greater chance of guessing the answer correctly. Of course it can't be assumed that all women will answer the same way, but how the majority, or vast majority, of women would answer is still pertinent.


Imo the caring about being attractive to most women mostly has to do with increasing the odds that someone will actually want to go out with you. If all you've faced whilst trying to date is rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection, etc, before you can even consider what kind of a woman you're looking for, and the kind of connection you want, you need to figure out how to stop being rejected, which often necessitates doing something to improve your appeal to either women in general, or the kind of woman you hope to attract.

You said that some men are worried that they're not charming, charismatic or sexy enough to bother trying with women, and being a man who feels this way, I can tell you that it's because of unrelenting rejection that I feel this way, and I wouldn't feel this way if I'd had a more normal romantic history, but here I am at 23, never had a girlfriend despite wanting one since I was 12. I tried to find a partner for a good number of years, but the constant rejection burnt me out, and now I don't see it as worth trying if I'm more likely than not to be rejected, which is always. The only strategy I have left is to broaden my appeal.

Yes. Although sometimes I think I'm kind of hyperaware of that as a hazard, so then the awkwardness generates itself out of nowhere, and maybe my behaviour was within the bounds of acceptability until I started panicking that it might not be; a bit like when the cartoon character is actually running along through the sky perfectly successfully, until the fatal moment when he looks down and realizes the ground is no longer beneath his feet because he's zoomed off a precipice which is now 500 yards behind him...


Yes, that one has definitely torpedoed me in some ostensibly very promising situations.


Agree OP is correct in identifying Asperger's as sometimes something of an impediment in this field, but still think it would be slightly paranoid (or at least unduly pessimistic) to believe that a diagnosis of Asperger's would actually automatically prompt any and every woman to cross you off her list. On a good day, "inappropriate behaviour" can even succeed in being amusing and intriguingly eccentric and admirably individualistic (or at least, I think that's the main reason I have not remained single my entire life).