Dating a man with depression?

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I have experience with Manic Depression, if this is indeed the pertinent diagnosis.
I will try and give you objective advice.
In the manic stage, I have seen families destroyed because of financial debts of astronomic proportions, but these were high income families and I doubt that anyone of low or average income would ever be able to accumulate so much debt. Manic people are "high" and extrovert, losing all sense of proportion. They just want to have fun and anyone who gets in their way is a dreary party pooper.That is the red flag and heralds an attack.

If one was already aware of the illness at the onset of a relationship, and feelings have developed, we all have our physical imperfections, though mental illness requires more resilience from loved ones, then it would be a good idea if financial boundaries and cautions can be implemented to minimise damage from a manic episode.

On the other hand, a certain stability is possible with medication though just as any physiological condition, homeostasis can be disrupted and acute episodes can and usually do occur on occasion.

No joint accounts, ensure restricted credit, don't loan him money, ensure regular medical and psychological monitoring, then feel free to fall in love where caution is not a contra-indication.Always be cautious.

Um. Well I'm not convinced this is necessarily manic depression. One poster, early on, assumed it was, but that poster seems to make a positive virtue of being insensitive and glibly oversimplistic (much like every psychiatrist I've ever seen, in fact, ha ha).

I was diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder (a/k/a manic depression) in 1998. At the time, both my doctor and I felt that even if this diagnosis were correct, it was still considerably missing the main problem (i.e. undiagnosed Asperger's, because psychiatrists are all insensitive and glibly oversimplistic a***holes, q.v.). Subsequent history does undeniably reveal periods of a few weeks or months, every two or three years, of superhuman energy and reckless spending and almost dangerously elevated sex drive and alienating anyone who dares not to share my sudden belief that I am wonderful and can all but walk on water. That isn't conclusive proof of manic/bipolar depression, but I must say I would pity anyone who'd happened to be in a relationship with me during such a phase (as it happens, no relationship has yet coincided with one of these phases, which are pretty rare ... as are my relationships, ha ha).

In 1998, I challenged the insensitive and glibly oversimplistic shrink who was so adamant that I was severely bipolar. "If that is true," quoth I, "then how come most of the time I'm on the floor and suicidal, and only ever happy once in a blue moon?"

"You can be bipolar and spend most of your time at one pole or the other," he replied, unfazed (it is impossible to faze a psychiatrist: they have no feelings, and are arguably not even human beings at all).

Compare and contrast: my best friend is married to a severely bipolar man, and he is almost invariably sunny and cheerful. Every so often, but not very often, he plunges into a black depression and it crucifies him. Nor does it make him easy to be with. Equally rarely, he is elevated from his already sunny default position to a point where my friend has to hide or destroy her husband's bank cards, notify the local taxi firms to block or ignore any calls from their number, etc.

I think last time he was going to buy a helicopter. And it isn't as if these people were well off...

This gentleman and I once sat down, over a bottle of wine or several, to compare notes. The gist of it was, he is so unused to feeling unhappy that a depression I would regard as a walk in the park is torture to him. I am so used to feeling unhappy that I actively stoke anything resembling an upswing and sort of retain fond memories of them, because each one feels like a holiday, whereas he deeply regrets all his (in retrospect, that is...). I manage without medication (other than over-the-counter, grape-based sedatives...). He is mostly dosed up to the eyeballs these days, for the sake of his marriage.

So if you are looking at a case of manic depression/bipolar disorder, then it could be a bit like growing olives on Vesuvius: everything could be totally stable and very viable most of the time, but by golly, when it's bad, it's lethally bad. And in all honesty, Elephantplushie, that could come under your general heading of Stuff I Did Not and Do Not Wish to Sign Up For.

I know I've taken a while to get there (it is a failing of mine), but I'm attempting to answer your very valid question (rather than attack it).

Elephantplushie, did you say what kind or type or variety of depression this bloke of yours is reckoned to suffer from? Because if it's manic or bipolar, then although few could be more sympathetic than I to the condition itself, I think manic or bipolar depression, although frightfully deep and intriguing and indicative of great emotionality, might be more than you wish or need to take on.

But again, I don't share the apparently general assumption that the bloke you're describing necessarily is manic or bipolar.

Yes, most psychiatrists who I have worked with as a nurse would probably lose the battle of who has more empathy and vitality, a waxwork model in Madame Tussaud or they themselves.

Yah, it's a funny one, because honestly some of these psychiatric labels have a lot of validity and can be very illuminating and very useful, yet the psychiatric profession runs around sticking labels on people randomly, willy-nilly, and impulsively, like a hyperactive dyslexic toddler on mephedrone.

I hope Elephantplushie can succeed in exercising some of the sensitivity and wisdom and intuition it sounds like she herself possesses. I am fairly confident she will.

I think many of the responses to her very good question have been below the level of the question she herself bravely and humanely raised. But I am a very bitter & twisted human being, or what's left of one. So my opinion is not necessarily worth the cyberspace it's written on...

Although, to be fair, you do declare yourself as diagnosed with Asperger's. So you have even less need to be patronized by me than I arrogantly assumed you had. In fact you probably had NO need at all!

Which just goes to prove how normal some of us Aspies really can be, i.e. I am actually a TOTAL a......., and thus in many ways actually indistinguishable from an NT.

Oh dear.

Such is life. Apparently.

Raphael, you will be staying in at breaktime this morning and writing out 100 times:

In the evenings, I must stop posting as soon as I realize I'm tipsy enough to start getting over-emotional.
In the evenings, I must stop posting as soon as I realize I'm tipsy enough to start getting over-emotional.
In the evenings, I must stop posting as soon as I realize I'm tipsy enough to start getting over-emotional.
In the evenings, I must stop posting as soon as I realize I'm tipsy enough to start getting over-emotional.

[etc.]

Apologies to Elephantplushie and to the world. I'll try harder in future (hopefully).

Me & my girlfriend both have depression & lots of other various mental issues. My depression was aLOT worse when I was single. I know having someone around who cares & tries to be supportive is a huge help to me. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is just being there to listen & encourage them & make them feel loved. My depression is mostly manged OK but girlfriend's depression does bring me down sometimes. She falls into funks & takes things out on people close to her in her life, mostly her family & me. She doesn't take her depression out on others too much thou. It does get to me sometimes & does make me feel bad about myself sometimes & I sometimes do take it out on her. I know she feels really bad about it thou & does really try to make up for it when she's in a better mood. Not everyone with depression takes things out on others. I've known friends with depression & was a member of a depression support group & there's lots of people with depression who are kinda like me in that just having someone around helps alot & they don't take things out on others too much unless the other person is triggering them.

This thread is an example of derailing, whether intentionally or not. Unfortunately it is a fairly common practice on this forum. At this stage, after the various posters of different views have had their say, I would like to ask the OP if she wishes to continue, or would she prefer that the thread is locked or removed?

I know it is easy to forget sometimes that WP is overall a support forum. That doesn't mean we can't disagree, but its better to disagree in an agreeable way than to continually challenge other posters so that the topic gets hijacked.