Female needs help on dates!

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I've been single for a while now and I've been to a couple of dates already. Sadly, nothing happens afterwards. I really like the guys that I've dated, but for some reason most of the guys ends up not interested in me anymore. They don't call me back; nothing...... I always have this same problem since High School, now I'm 22 and lonely. I'm very attractive, extremely talented, intelligent, but can be a bit goofy at times and have a quirky sense of humor; I think I have an interesting personality. I think the problem with me is I can't flirt and I can't read the guys body language at all! GRrrrrrrrr. I can read a little at times.

Usually on a date, I talk about my interests and I ask a lot of questions.....I don't know, I think I ask too much questions it makes me sound like I'm some kind of interviewer, but if I don't ask questions their wouldn't be some sort of conversation.........

What do you girls do to get a guy interested in you in the first date? What kind of questions you should be asking? How do you flirt? How do you make the guy want more? Of course without giving your, you know.

I'm so lost....I know some of you this sort of things comes naturally, but sadly this sort of thing doesn't come naturally to me. .........Any help will be appreciated.

I know nothing about dating, especially with guys, but I think with this one, it might help to ask more open-ended questions. That way you give them the opportunity to talk for longer, so it won't seem like you're just asking question after question. And try and make it flow more, so it seems less like an interview. ie. if they say something and you have experienced something similar or also share an interest in it, you could make a comment about that. That way you also realise what you both have in common as well.

the whole purpose of a date is to find out if there is any chemistry between two people. If you happen to ask and answer questions, obviously your chemistry click would be with someone else that liked to communicate that way.

the reason people ask questions is to find out if they have things in common. THEN they chat about those things. If they find nothing else but just questions and answers with no lead in to things they have in common, then they don't call again. It's really not you, you just need to find someone that shares your interests.

you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find the prince, FunnyGurl

Merle

hmmm unfortunately as a man, we don't want to talk a lot about us, and I've seen that the way to make a girl feel good in a date is to make HER talk!

So the roles would have to be a little reversed, don't ask a lot of questions (because honestly we don't like it and feel threatened when this happens).
I've been in this situation, and making lots of questions makes the talk look as if it's going nowhere. This applies when answers are short and not when the talk goes freely between each question.

As Sopho said, open ended questions are good

That's a relief. One of the scariest things about dates, for me, is having to talk. At least if she does all the talking, I don't have to.

Don't worry too much about asking questions the whole time. The way I see it, if it's going to work out, you'll find something to talk about. I used to get really stressed out about the same issues. Then I realized that the problem wasn't with what I was saying/not saying; the problem was that it was just going to be harder for me to find someone that I clicked with.

I find it's a lot easier to chat
after a bit of sex.

I ask a ton of questions and go on and on about interests too.

I also don't flirt.

I'm a guy.

What you do sounds very nice on dates... I don't know why guys would reject you...

Perhaps average guys are expecting you to act a certain way... many guy are just trying to establish some sort of physical relationship... part of what the flirting is about, I think. You don't want these guys anyways.

I don't know, girls don't have to do much to be very attractive. Your natural female ways should be attractive enough...

That's what I think at least.

What's flirting then, really?

I mean, I could hear the right guy go on about his interests all day long.

Somewhere in all that conversation, there are plenty of chances to show the other person how interested you are in what s/he has to say. That's a sort of flirting, isn't it?

Flirting isn't always sexual in nature, nor does a sexual reference imply that one is the sort to go around falling into bed. When I'm interested in someone and I flirt with a double entendre or the like, I hope to communicate the fact that I am alive and kicking. That's all.

I think flirting is all the little teasing and touching that isn't appropriate for how much you know someone. It's not just interest... just calling someone beautiful... or saying you find them interesting... that isn't flirting to me. Or even calling someone beautiful in a creative way...



Um, you have to be very careful with that. Especially around those with AS... and even most guys in general. It'll be very rare if that isn't interpreted as extreme interest. To me at least...

Also, I am generally a prude and wouldn't even talk about such things... especially with someone I barely even know. And especially especially with the lady types...

Flirting for me, is almost always sidelong
glances. Half smiles. Little statements which
are terribly vain and presumptuous - but also
(I think) clearly not believed.

I tend to be damned good at it, as long
as I don't care. But, I don't want when I
don't care. 'Tis just play then.

Isn't conveying extreme interest the idea?

Or are you discreetly implying something else?

To tell the truth you sound awesome, if I were you I think your the type of person who probably would do better with another aspie. I say that because from the sound of things the guys probably would like you but perhaps you don't meet them in their world enough as far as meeting the ordinary, drinking, partying, having a little bit of NT female edge - its not a put down but rather just the fact that they may sense that your something all together different and while they'd like to keep up with you and relate to you they can't, its the chasm people talk about. The fact that you actually do talk about yourself as well as ask questions and openly converse - that's stand up, I really can't imagine that in and of itself doing anything but helping (that is unless a lot of these guys are the non-talker, non-listener types which I'd imagine would bore you to tears anyway).

Yeah, that sort of conversation will definitely convey to the guy that they can get something more. I think...

It probably depends on how free and easy they are with this sort of conversation... I wouldn't touch this sort of stuff... no matter if I was a guy or a girl.

If I was a girl, and a guy started playing with this sort of conversation... I wouldn't even bother with them. It's too forward with something that shouldn't be forward.

But I am extremely old fashioned... partly due to morals... and partly due to lack of social experience.

I think if anything its more of a girls way of telling a guy "Hey, I'm cool - I can laugh about this kind of stuff". It really doesn't translate into 'easy' unless a lot of other things aim that way.