“Back burner”

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I just hope things will change for the better in my area after the social distancing ends.

I’ve recently become a fan of a band from your country and ordered one of their albums:

Plugged in my electric guitar and played on some songs I more or less know completely. There’s more songs I wish I knew but I can’t play a guitar solo to save my life and it’s frustrating getting more complex songs under my fingers. The songs I can play don’t have guitar solos and have rhythms that are easy for me to get down. When I can’t play a solo in a song or a song that is harder to get under my fingers, it makes me feel like I suck and that maybe I am not meant to play the guitar. If I played for an audience, I would probably get boo’ed.

When things go back to normal after the corona virus is under control, what should I do in regards to dating? I feel like I have no options at all as far as the status quo is concerned even though I felt like my options were practically nonexistent even without the virus.

I'm going to offer some possibly weird advice, but here it is.....

I like to read dating advice and I recently stumbled across a subreddit called "Dating over thirty" and I noticed there are a lot of women on there who are struggling to find happy relationships.

Since you are also in your thirties you could try going over the to offer sympathy and cheer them on, make a few friends, which could possibly lead to more eventually. It is not a hookup site, it is a lot like this forum where people ask for advice or commiserate relationship woes.

If you do go over there, i very strongly suggest that you try to make posts to encourage and be friendly.

Before you submit a post, read it back to yourself and imagine how you would feel if someone sent you such a post. Would you feel warm towards the person because of their kindness? If not, edit it, and read it back to yourself again.

I'm glad you are finding comfort and renewed interests in the quarantine. I wish you all the best

ERRRR...so move out of your goddamn moms house. Sorry but it is what I have felt like saying for a while and even if you disagree I am going to say it...you need to get out of your moms house and make your own life you will be so much happier if you do.

Quit living like a slave, I have told you leave your mom and anytime I bring it up you ignore the comment and just respond to other people who haven't said you should leave your moms house. LIke you asked me not to disregard responding to your posts so I tried to do that and then the second in a post I suggested you leave your moms house its like you did a 180 and started ignoring every one of my posts and only respond to people who don't yet know that you prefer to stay at your moms house and face abuse rahther than even so much as looking into a different living situation. LIke I have told you time and time and time again that you have options to get away from your overbearing mother but you'd rather ignore it all and act like all you have on this site are your 'detractors' I have tried so long to try and be helpful but you ignore it all. So what is the goddamn point? I'f you would just rather remain miserable in your moms basement there isn't anything I can do. I have tried to talk with you about gettting out of your moms house but whenvver it is brought up you just change the subject. So fine if you want to live with your mom controlling your money which she has no right to do than fine. But you have every right to challenge it so its kinda messed up you don't even try and just willfully let your mother get away with everything. LIke at some point you may need to take a stand...

Like I am sorry if you are so unhappy where you are than move out...or at least attempt. I have tried giving advice and have given all I have all I have left is...MOVE THE HELL OUT OF YOUR MOMS HOUSE!, like I am sorry but you have to at some point you are sick of her overbearing attitude and move out. None of us here can force you to have that moment all we can do is recommend you stop living in a situation where your mom controls you and you have not motivation whatsoever to challenge it. You're 30 years old surely that is old enough to tell your mom to f**k off if she is holding you back. I am sorry man but you gotta learn to tell people to f**k off when they are abusing you, it does no good to just sit there and take it.

I mean I am sorry I have tried to give helpful advice time and time again and it just get ignored so there just is not anything else I can really suggest.I mean move out or make peace with the situation other than that I don't know anymore.

And quite frankly at the moment you should be concerned about staying safe for coronavirus, not focusing on getting a gf. Like hey I don't want to see you waste your whole life. like do some stuff you enjoy try to find community certainly don't end yourself but realize some of the rest of us are going through rough times as well. LIke I am out of work and well I kind of needed my income but s**t happened so now I have to just try and plan ahead. Can't just be like woe is me the economy is f****d...still gotta try and make rent and such. And also f**k the goddamn economy..we need a new system anyways.

Hi.

I’ve read a few of your threads in the months since I joined this forum and I felt maybe with this one still being active, maybe I can give some advice.

Just for background, I’ve never had a boyfriend (except a pretend one when I was 12). ALL my siblings have had relationships. My own twin has had several. My older siblings are now married with children. I feel (sometimes) like I’ll die old and alone. Why did I start with this? To avoid any arguments that I don’t know what it’s like and I’m just speaking from a place of entitled ignorance.

Short answer: honestly, back burner relationships like was mentioned from the start of this thread and work on yourself. Your head’s not in the right place and speaking from a female perspective, it’s not attractive. (Not you, these ideas and the rut you’ve gotten yourself into).

Long answer: it sounds like you think that all your depression and negative feelings will disappear once you get a girlfriend. If this isn’t your actual belief then I’m sorry, but that’s the impression I’ve gotten from reading your threads. That won’t happen. You’ll get a girlfriend and still have all these negative feelings. Constantly trying to play catch up with your siblings, feeling like you need to be doing something else instead of stopping to just enjoy the ride etc. That’s one of the reasons I say work on yourself. Get all of that sorted and make peace BEFORE chasing girls. When asked what you had to offer, you said you were calm and emotionally something (I can’t remember the word, sorry!) You sound the exact opposite when you obsess about getting a girlfriend. Right now you’re pinning your happiness and how well adjusted you are on another human being. Going into a relationship like that isn’t fair to the girl. You’re already asking a lot while saying what you have to give in return is being calm.

Which....here me out, I’m not shallow, I’m a realist...calm can’t get you groceries at the store. You can be emotionally savvy all you’d like, that won’t lay the fiscal foundation for independence and growing into a future together. It’s romantic to say “love will conquer all and she should love me for me even when I go into the red” BUT, foreclosure, bankruptcy, homeless shelters, they’re all real and all more likely when you don’t have a good foundation. You said you’ll move out if you find the right girl. Most girls, especially as they get older, are looking for someone who is established or on the way to being established. Lots of guys say they don’t want a single mom because she has baggage (emotional and otherwise). That’s the kind of baggage you’re currently dragging around and is another reason to work on yourself first. Make yourself appealing. EVERYONE does. It’s just life. When you want the job, you make a fancy resume and you sell yourself in the interview. When you date or are looking to date, it’s the same principle and even then it depends on your approach and social skills (yet another argument for working on yourself first).

And no, I’m not saying change yourself to become someone else for others or start lying to be more appealing. I’m saying find what you’re good at and start milking it. Put your best food forward and try not to worry about failing. Everyone fails. And before you say you live in the Bible Belt and nothing you like is liked by those around you so it’s hopeless, you’re not a tree. If you don’t like where your are, then move.

I get it, you can’t think of anything else. You’re angry other people have found love. Your life is ending and it’s all consuming. I’ve read all that. Yes. Now it’s time to do something about it—and don’t do it to get a girlfriend. Improving yourself is meant to make YOU happy. Make you more confident. Start small. Maybe set little goals for yourself. Don’t go into every encounter thinking it MUST work. You joined bible study to socialise when that’s not what bible study is for. Then you got mad it didn’t work. You complain about the women in your area and how you DEFINITELY aren’t attracted to them, but get down that none of them are into you in return. You say people at parks are socializing and happy and you’re creepy. Most likely already arrived together and planned the outing. It seems you're quick to grab on to negative explanations and internalise them. Even with the guitar. You said you could play several songs but the moment you found one you couldn’t, you told yourself you sucked. It’s that sort of negative thinking that makes me think you wouldn’t be any happier in a relationship and why I sincerely think some time adjusting the way you think and behave (rather than hiding behind excuses about why you can’t change and how it’s everyone else’s fault) could do you as a person some good in the long run. And trust me, when you’re happy and comfy with you, others take notice. Others start to want to be around you. Jokes come easier. Laughing at yourself becomes easier. And relationships of all kinds become easier.

This is just my two cents. You can keep complaining about the same things or you can start working on you, change your situation, then see where it takes you. Think of it as the long road to getting a girlfriend. One that immensely benefits you first.

Sorry about my earlier rant...I admit I was a little drunk when I posted it. But I just read it now and I agree with what I posted over-all. I apologize for the ranty way in which I posted it however. But yeah I really am kinda at a loss I've tried to help as much as I can over a forum but just kinda seems like it's been a wasted effort. Like I really do wish you the best in life but...you have to take charge of your life none of us here can do that for you.

Also, I realize you didn't ignore my entire post before that last one here, just completely and totally ignored the bit about moving out and then just went on to post of totally unrelated things, and say some more about the 'detractors' and quite frankly, I have not seen any comments where people seem to hope you the worst and don't want you to have a girlfriend. Honestly as far as this website I have seen you accuse people of that, but I haven't really seen anyone actually do that. I am not here 24/7 so I don't see everything but yeah not convinced you have as many detractors here on this site as you say...I have a feeling some of those 'detractors' are well meaning people who's advice you simply don't like.

Also apparently you can play at least a couple songs on a guitar...I thought I wanted to play bass for a while even had a bass guitar and an amp, never even learned a song. So I mean its like you even have things you can do but you don't even acknowledge it, you have skills some of us here don't even have. I mean be proud of yourself once in a while. You even drive, you do realize many of us here don't have a car or drive right? I don't even have a drivers license I have a permit.