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MikeH106
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13 Aug 2007, 2:26 pm

Crazy_Ben wrote:
That's great, how can you fight Natural selection if shaped the very form, structure and function of your brain and body, good friend?


Altruism can evolve for the benefit of group survival (and also in the sphere of one's own family).

You may be looking for a magic word that will keep you from being cruel to people on the grounds of natural selection. These words are "consciousness" and "pain."

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The fact of the matter is most guys are called "nice" because they simply are NOT assertive about their needs, wants, interests.


The correct word is "meek," not "nice."


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13 Aug 2007, 2:29 pm

That's cool Michel, I think the reason women like me more now than ever before is because I'm nice to a point, but rather cynical and have no problem voicing my views. I'm very assertive and I don't mind telling people what I think of them, their views, the world etc. You can be nice AND still be "tough" enough for NT women to take notice. The toughness comes from being confident. It's not a joke when you hear women say, "Oh, confidence is soooo sexy..." Confidence is such a big thing that women are looking for, when you're confident they feel safe, and when they feel safe (physically) they soon will feel safe emotionally... and only good things come from that 8)


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MikeH106
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13 Aug 2007, 2:35 pm

I agree with you there, and in fact, I'm the same way.


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13 Aug 2007, 4:31 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
In relation , everything related to appearances really .

Most of the natural nice guys and even the fake nice guys ...are physically unattractive , they are usually the fat , the skinny , the short , the geeky , the ugly , the physically weak ...etc --> they are people who usually lack good physical traits and they lack self-esteem and confidence as consequence .

As for the 'bad' guys or the tough guys are usually the tall , the well-built , the handsome , the sporty ....etc ---> they have better genes and so they have good confidence .

It's rare to find a nice tough-look guy at the same time .

Women prefer the second category because of the the natural selection rules .


Not everyone considers "the geeky" unattractive. I have always had an attraction to geeks :)


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13 Aug 2007, 4:35 pm

Im a geek! :P



LePetitPrince
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13 Aug 2007, 4:38 pm

Remember aspie girls , you are less than 1% of overall female population , so your opinions are not the usual norm .



MikeH106
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13 Aug 2007, 4:41 pm

But it's still unfair to call us "fake nice guys."

By the way, let me tell you what self-esteem is. It's not about being proud of your body, but what you do with it.


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13 Aug 2007, 4:54 pm

Crazy_Ben wrote:
If you're a "nice" guy and you like women that are outcasts, you're still "making the best of a bad situation" (Krebs and Davies).

That's exactly what I'm talking about. Natural selection is doing whatever it can to make sure that guys like me ("nice" and ugly-looking) become extinct; sorry, it's sad but true. It tries to achieve that by making most females feel repulsed by me and find me creepy-looking. By dating girls who are outcasts (and possibly going through the same situation), I'm still able to find a girlfriend, despite the nature's efforts to prevent me from doing so. This is what I meant when I say I was fighting natural selection.



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13 Aug 2007, 5:10 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
Remember aspie girls , you are less than 1% of overall female population , so your opinions are not the usual norm .


Fair point, I have found this quite true. I've never really been able to understand most NT women very well, nor have I gotten along with them.


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13 Aug 2007, 5:59 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
Spot17 wrote:
That website is more for spotting dysfunctional guys with personality disorders or for spotting players who'll say anything to get down your pants. There 's an article on there about emotional abusers that I printed out and gave to my ex one of the last times I left him. He told me he read it to spite me but couldn't help seeing a lot of himself in it. It led to him getting diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

I don't think the articles really apply to guys with AS. There's a difference between being a nice guy in disguise and being nice because you're an aspie who doesn't see the point in the games most guys play.


I was thinking the same thing. Those two sites reek of generalizations.

Tim

I also agree. The site is doing what it claims to be against, and making a Cosmopolitan-esque generalization of men into 2 main categories: jerks and guys with "nice guy syndrome." The problem that most men on this site have is not having "Nice guy syndrome" it's having aspergers syndrome. The BS rules of courtship (and the mind games that women are told to play so that they can attract "mr. right"...) are a problem for a man with AS no matter how he acts. Saying that you need to be a jerk to attract women just gives men here the wrong message too. I.E. "be mean to women and they will love you."



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13 Aug 2007, 6:27 pm

Where I have a problem with the heartless b*****s website is that they're not honest about their motives.

Their stated enemy is the passive-aggressive, scheming, insecure "nice" guy, but this hypothetical person is just an excuse to heap derision on anyone who doesn't rank high enough on the "man" scale.

If anyone ever calls them on the horribly cynical things they are saying about the men they regard as wimps and losers, they easily use the cover story to maintain plausible deniability.



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13 Aug 2007, 6:43 pm

There is no clear definition of a "nice" guy (or girl). Everybody is going to have their own opinion on this.

Tim


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13 Aug 2007, 8:03 pm

beautifulspam wrote:
Where I have a problem with the heartless b*****s website is that they're not honest about their motives.

Their stated enemy is the passive-aggressive, scheming, insecure "nice" guy, but this hypothetical person is just an excuse to heap derision on anyone who doesn't rank high enough on the "man" scale.

If anyone ever calls them on the horribly cynical things they are saying about the men they regard as wimps and losers, they easily use the cover story to maintain plausible deniability.


I think I pretty much said it before, regardless of whether or not someone can help something they feel bad about it if it clashes with the morals they were raised with. This means that when women feel this way about guys, natural law starts setting in, this is pretty much a patch for something that they shouldn't even feel bad about to begin with - just like a guy shouldn't, if you aren't attracted you aren't attracted. The problem with this site is it doesn't really analyze the people on both sides, the dynamics, or call it for what it REALLY is at the bottom-line. Because of that, aside from being an emotional patch, it really has a negative effect because as the short term 'feel good' thing - while people need some of that in doses - doesn't answer the real question and it drives people even further away from really understanding each other's true motivations. In the end our society is already f'd up enough as it is and these kinds of antipathy-preaching pages, while by natural law and what guys are 'supposed' to be you understand how they'd be there, but it takes a bad situation but makes it worse just by taking symptoms of a possibility and pretty much stamping this image on all kinds of guys who don't fit it.

My advice to the women out there - if a guy's a douche he's a douche, that's just his personal nature. On the other side though, even a perfectly good person can be villainised by our current system to where they show a lack of confidence sometimes; of course I know I'm talking to the choir here (ie. aspie women) so just stay analytical and keep taking anything with a grain of salt unless it does consistently add up.



MikeH106
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13 Aug 2007, 8:43 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
That's exactly what I'm talking about. Natural selection is doing whatever it can to make sure that guys like me ("nice" and ugly-looking) become extinct; sorry, it's sad but true. It tries to achieve that by making most females feel repulsed by me and find me creepy-looking. By dating girls who are outcasts (and possibly going through the same situation), I'm still able to find a girlfriend, despite the nature's efforts to prevent me from doing so. This is what I meant when I say I was fighting natural selection.


I sympathize completely. I also think we need to make our point to women that it's our power they like, not our cruelty, and that they may sometimes confuse the two.

As much as everyone seems to hate eugenics--and I'm glad they do--I find it hard to refute the "arguments" of social Darwinism. They want to advance us as fast and far as possible before the stars burn out their fuel. The main problem, of course, is the pain that already results for many of us (including me) and would result from a eugenics program.

I was toying with the idea that members of our society deemed genetically unfit might be allowed to have special privileges, or even live in luxury, in return for being sterilized, to reduce their pain. What do you think?

Edit: I also think genetic engineering may be a possible solution. Who would we engineer first? A man or a woman? I was thinking either three or four men and women each, so at least they wouldn't feel alone.

I'm no evolutionary psychologist, though.


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13 Aug 2007, 9:32 pm

I have one thing to say about nice guys sucking: They can have many skills and, thankfully for us ladies, that can be one of them.

As far as that list, I saw few items that I wouldn't even think about because the guy would be history quickly, so I didn't bother reading the rest- certainly would not put energy into making such a list.

Otherwise, I'm gleaning from the thread that are some Aspie things on there, and I'm guessing in some cases it's just the coincidence that we present in ways that appear arrogant to others when we don't mean to, therefore the overlap, but the list is talking about genuine jerk-ness.



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13 Aug 2007, 10:11 pm

DataSage wrote:
Women don't like "nice guys." They never have in history, and they never will. That's just the way it is.

Who do you think was having more fun with the ladies during Roman times: a battle-hardened soldier, or a street actor reciting poetry?

You're an idiot.

While the Roman soldiers were out in the wilderness defending their empire's frontiers, the poets were in Rome whispering sweet nothings in the ladies' ears. There was a town in the Roman Empire notorious just for its erotic poetry.