Nice Guys suck...

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Well, "nice guys" are obviously breeding, and have been successfully for thousands of years. In fact, they must be breeding the most at the end of the day if they outnumber the "jerks" so much.

Last edited by Space on 13 Aug 2007, 10:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You think that he meant that
the poets were the 'nice' guys?

Now honestly, what's so wrong about that?

. . . OK, no point, I just wanted to repeat that. It was funny.


Now that that's out of the way. . .

All of you out there who are so stuck in this "social darwinism, women are only after power and looks and if my date isn't gorgeous I've low standards" rut please consider the following:

Some of us, even if it is far less than 1% of the female population, want something different.

If you did too, maybe you'd have a shot at finding us.


Before I found that I was aspie, I'd pretty well given up on finding a partner; the two best relationships I've had- relationships with guys who were careful not to use me for my body- were both with autistic men, and learning that there are other aspies out there gave me substantial hope. I went from believing there was no one like be to believing there were some; some is a lottery ticket, a chance in a million. Some is enough to try.

At least, I think some is enough to try.

But it looks like you don't?

Aspie1, you're walking right where Natural selection guides you to walk, assortative mating anyone?
MikeH106, most biologists consider social Darwinism to be without scientific merit, evolution has been demonstrated on a biological level, but who's to say it applies to societies or cultures? Ecologists still don't even agree on the question of whether ecosystems evolve! Eugenics is a fairly silly idea, the idea that by reducing our genetic variability we would be coming closer to Wrightsian fitness peaks is nonsense according to most models of the situation. If anything, we'd be limiting our species' ability to reach ANY fitness peaks that would represent substantial increases in our phenotypic fitness.
There are far less nice guys than jerks, and the reason is because if you stand up a "nice" guy next to a "jerk" the majority of women will choose the "jerk." It's entirely subconscious and the women can make any reasons up afterward to justify their choice (such as, ahhhem, ahhhem, an entire website about why nice guys suck...) but the fact is that they choose the jerks because they appear to be more confident, they make the right eye contact, say things that reveal what THEIR beliefs and views are, do things that benefit THEM and let the woman into their "inner" sanctum after she's proven that she's not interested in leaching off them emotionally...

OK. . . what makes you think that "jerks" implicitly appear more confident than "nice guys"?

Well, as it turns out, guys that women call "jerks" aren't actually jerks: they're just very confident. Admittedly, some guys are jerks. But as one NT girl said to me, "Well, of course I want a guy that will be in charge, and they tend to be what lame guys call "jerks." I'm not saying women should date guys that don't treat them well. But most of these "jerks" do treat their women well most of the time, they just have no problem stating their opinions. Some people consider me a "jerk" but most just consider me "creative" and other words I won't repeat on here Whenever you see a guy that you think is a "jerk" ask yourself why you think that. I tend to find ocassionally a genuine a@#$hole, but more often than not it's just a very strongwilled individual who knows what he wants. How many times have you heard a random woman say, "I want a guy who knows what he wants" and the like...
I know I'M looking for a woman that respects and cherishes me for what I am and that I respect and cherish for what SHE is, and that's not all women, I imagine only a very small subset of women may be good for me in fact.

Thank for you that other post, by the way, Jainaday, that says exactly what I've been getting at in other posts...
I agree totally with what you're saying, so many of these Aspie guys, sadly, aren't confident and then are surprised a girl they didn't pursue much-- surprise, surprise here-- is no longer interested in them romantically. ANY woman, NT or otherwise, will tell if a guy doesn't appear interested in her, than she can assume that he's not. I mean, how simple is the concept? Do these guys think that because they're dealing with an Aspie girl that having low-confidence and being unsure about your place in the World is suddenly sexy? Low-confidence, to my knowledge, has probably never been a sexy trait for a man. Many of these "nice" guys are either self-serving, "I'm nice, be nice to me for no good reason other than that I'm claiming to be nice" or simply don't get aggressive when they see a potential dating partner that they "want." The so-called "jerks" butt them right out of the way. The WP "course" on body language and flirting is IMMENSELY useful as I found out when applying it in tandem with lessons my old roomie taught me (AS to be sure, but super smooth with all manner of ladies). Just appearing confident often makes people think you ARE confident, and that, eventually, makes you really confident.

Jerk = d/dx{A(x)} or Jerk is equal to change in acceleration.

It's funny how very well physics sometimes applies to real life. ..

It's not so much about confidence to me.

Many of us stand up for ourselves and what we believe in. "Jerk" is the wrong word.

Jainaday: I'm glad you value more about us than just our power. Moral sense might save our species. I like physics too, by the way.

Crazy_Ben: Can you point me to literature on the inefficiency of eugenics?

Hear, hear!

I really doubt that there are many people
who are ONLY after looks (or money - or whatever).
It's high on a lot of people's lists, but one nice
thing is that different people have different tastes.

In a lot of things.

Plus, tastes can change, if you allow yourself
to care about someone.

Thanks.

I should be clear though; confidence is definitely attractive. It's just not- at all- what defines being a jerk, as far as I'm concerned. I'm tempted to say they aren't even related.

I would even say confidence is essential, but it doesn't have to be social. . . moral confidence, accompanied by open mindedness, is a big one; intellectual confidence is great as long as it doesn't come with a lack of respect for the competence of others. . . there are lots of good variations- variations without willful ignorance, cruelty, dishonesty, mind games, etc. . . those are things I would associate with jerkdom.

How many aspies are fully confident ?? aren't communication skills and good social interaction are of the major keys of self-confidence? Oh let's see again the definition of autism : "brain disorder that begins in early childhood and persists throughout adulthood; affects three crucial areas of development: communication, social interaction, and creative or imaginative play."

and in case some of aspies are really confident , are they able to show this to others?

I'm sure it can be done with enough practice.

Doesn't have to be social confidence and it doesn't have to be self confidence, over all; I think every aspie I've ever met is confident about at least some of their obsessions, and that's attractive, as far as it goes.

Also, conficence can be built; it's not one of those things that's just there or not forever.