Aspie males: did your ex-gf's friends turn her against you?

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Jayo
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25 Apr 2020, 8:18 pm

Hey guys, so I'm well past the dating scene and married...but one thing that irked me yet I'm curious about is, I had more than one instance back in my 20s where the girl/woman I was seeing had friends who thought negatively about me, and had no problem conveying it (not to my face, at least not verbally and just nonverbally which I obviously missed :roll: ) Basically things like, "what's up with the new guy you're with, he doesn't seem all there" or "does your boyfriend have some sort of problem?" - ostensibly due to certain inappropriate statements I may have made, or rigid body language and expression, the usual ASD/HFA obstacles. In one of the two cases, she left me; in the other case, I left her b/c I said that I wasn't prepared to deal with the stress of her giving me all the criticism constantly. (In hindsight, she was actually a bitter person and had an attitude, and she was on the ugly side - not just on the outside apparently. So I made the right call.)

So, did any of you guys also get the "cockblock" treatment from female friends like that? How did you handle it?

I recall reading a comment someone else had posted on WP that women as a collective have a hive mind mentality that the "Aspie male" profile is someone to avoid at all costs. Condom or no condom, young women don't want a guy fitting this archetype to get anywhere near her reproductive organs. 8O

So, maybe that's why before my success took off around age 27 (when I was diagnosed) to early 30s, I found female acceptance easier not just for my primary love interest, but her friends as well. I spent great effort working on myself and speaking with trusted friends who helped me. But, yeah, back in the 90s I was what they would have called an "incel" today, because I was basically finding myself subject to approval of my girl's entourage and getting cock-blocked by them... and yet those same female friends don't seem to have the same sway over that girl if she's involved with some sociopathic, abrasive loutish alpha-type who's likely abusive towards her. :( 8O



AspergianMutantt
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25 Apr 2020, 8:23 pm

Man, I have found that even when a relationship is over, and even if their the ones ending it, they will still get a bit jealous and control tripy. best not to let the ex get too friendly with the new girl. it never turns out ending nice. even their old friends will do this if still around.


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AspergianMutantt
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25 Apr 2020, 8:26 pm

I had an ex, her kids loved me, but as soon as the relationship soured her children turned into a pack of hungry wolves. their old lady friends are likely going to be the same way.


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Magna
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25 Apr 2020, 8:57 pm

I've had two instances of that happening but both were long before I was diagnosed. Could their friends have found me to be "off"? Possibly but in both cases I think it was just something that girlfriend's friends do.

1st time: I dated the girl for two years in high school. The summer after graduation one of her friends convinced her to break up with me telling her that her first year of college would be a much better experience if she was unencumbered and that long distance relationships don't work. She and I were going to different colleges. I was devastated. It's still a wound there thirty plus years later. A healed wound, but a wound nonetheless.

2nd time: College. An intense relationship. We decided to move into an apartment together for the summer after the school year ended. Two weeks after moving into the apartment together, her best friend from a different part of the U.S. came to visit. She and her best friend went to the same college in her friend's home state (Arizona) for undergraduate degrees. Her friend and I did not hit it off. Her friend ended up convincing her to move to Arizona and continue schooling there. We parted ways abruptly after three weeks or so in the apartment.



Last edited by Magna on 25 Apr 2020, 10:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.

cberg
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25 Apr 2020, 10:18 pm

I think it's been years aince I saw a thread on this board that was encouraging for guys in general.


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