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Do women simply just dislike Aspie men?

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hurtloam
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18 May 2020, 4:56 am

I dunno. I don't have to put puppy pads on the sofa before I let my friends into the livingroom. :lol:

Just had to chase one of my pets off the sofa. We're having a battle over whose territory it is.

Yes, I have friends. We've been doing video calls through lockdown to keep in touch.



sly279
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18 May 2020, 5:57 am

dw.731 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
dw.731 wrote:
I said yes to being his girlfriend before he had his first job. He works retail now.

sly279 wrote:
dw.731 wrote:
He started his first job during the holiday season last year. November/December-ish. Ghosting could not be that, though... as he still shows pretty active in apps like Instagram. He just doesn't talk to me anymore after he said he felt like he made a huge mistake. To my NT mind, that means he must have lost interest.

sly279 wrote:
dw.731 wrote:
NT female here. I adored my ASD (20) boyfriend. I wish he would come back. He kept getting overwhelmed any time remotely I tried to talk about if there was a disagreement or he would disappear and not communicate he was disappearing... or if I felt hurt. The one time he did something inappropriate (used self sexual pleasure for coping) while I was texting him about some serious issues...

Any time since this year if I brought up something as calmly as I could to discuss, he would resort to "maybe it would be best if we broke up". Ultimately he ended it by not breaking up with me directly... 10 days later saying he felt like he made a huge mistake breaking it off... then ghosted me completely. Talk about giving abandonment issues.

Anyway. I loved his special interests. I learned his routines and I knew when to expect him to disappear (about 75% of the time). I loved his quirks, and I admired his truthfulness, although I would get frustrated at him skirting around issues sometimes, as it would seem deceptive. I embraced him for who he was. We were friends beforehand, although I felt an instant connection to him. Where he had a low self esteem, I admired what he hated about himself. We were together for almost a year.

Bottom line: We are out there. I thought the world of him.


Did he have a job?


I was meaning is women won’t even date me cause I lack a real job, so I’m not a real man.
Did you date him before or after he had a job?


Why not date a guy with real job and future?


I think that is a very silly question. For now it is a real job, could still continue to be a real job... and he has a future. Who are any of us to judge another.



Is he a manager? You said your an assistant manager, that’s different the min wage retail. My manager and assistant managers make middle class income.

It’s funny some women ask if I’m manager and when I say I’m just floor person they say no thanks.

In dating women are the employer and so they can judge suitors however they want.
I’m just going have to accept any woman if one ever decides to waste their time on me.

I’m sure if I was 18-22 and had a car it wouldn’t matter as much but most 30 year old men have middle class jobs, new cars and own their houses. I’m 32 and get disability and work 12 hours a week, when I’m 50 I’ll be on disability and working retail still. This is it for me.


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Last edited by sly279 on 18 May 2020, 7:55 am, edited 2 times in total.

sly279
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18 May 2020, 6:04 am

funeralxempire wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I haven’t met a woman yet who considers retail or any min wage job a real job nor any man working it a real man.


This attitude sabotages you before you even start. No one could come off as confident and suitable if they went in with the mindset you appear to approach relationships with. While it's not the only issue and much of your observations are partially true, it's only partial and treating them like strict and unbendable rules seems more likely to just destroy whatever confidence you might otherwise muster.

Confidence is irrelevant in modern dating. Stats are important. With dating sites women and men can see all the info they need to make quick judgment calls. I never get to the phase where women would see my personality or if I’m confident or not. As long as I don’t have a real job and car that wont change.

So long as women see I work retail min wage and say no thanks, it’s hopeless,
This comes from democrat women, republicans women big city women, country women, well off women and poor women. Doesn’t seem to matter what kind of women I go after.
Society has dictated men need to be providers to be deemed loveable.


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sly279
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18 May 2020, 6:08 am

Pepe wrote:
rick42 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
rick42 wrote:
In my 36 years of living,not a single a girl/woman have ever showed interest in me at all.

Well geez, I'm aspie and girls show an interest in me. Maybe you just need to work on your confidence a little.



Confidence won't do s**t to make females like me.Some people are just cursed to be alone forever without being loved for a single day in their lives.At this point,I feel like I will be one these people.


If it makes you feel better,
I don't fancy you getting into my pants either. :mrgreen:

I am one of those people to which you refer.
I am unloveable also.
Oh, the pain,
Oh, the humanity. :cry:

If you have read my posts on the subject, you will realise I don't respect the significant-other paradigm.
And I actually find it embarrassing.
It is a trade-off, after all, and because personal independence is of major importance for those on the spectrum, having a coupling relationship is hardly the be-all and end-all.
Society has simply conditioned/brainwashed us in thinking it is. <shrug>
When people get older, most will see the wisdom of my brilliance. 8)

Speak for yourself, I’m not an Independent person nor do I need or desire independence it’s quite toxic to me. Perhaps this is why I don’t understand many aspies.


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Wolfram87
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18 May 2020, 6:12 am

That or they'll just stop and ask themselves why theyre taking advice on romance from Pepe LePew. Just a thought. :)


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Pepe
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18 May 2020, 6:46 am

sly279 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
rick42 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
rick42 wrote:
In my 36 years of living,not a single a girl/woman have ever showed interest in me at all.

Well geez, I'm aspie and girls show an interest in me. Maybe you just need to work on your confidence a little.



Confidence won't do s**t to make females like me.Some people are just cursed to be alone forever without being loved for a single day in their lives.At this point,I feel like I will be one these people.


If it makes you feel better,
I don't fancy you getting into my pants either. :mrgreen:

I am one of those people to which you refer.
I am unloveable also.
Oh, the pain,
Oh, the humanity. :cry:

If you have read my posts on the subject, you will realise I don't respect the significant-other paradigm.
And I actually find it embarrassing.
It is a trade-off, after all, and because personal independence is of major importance for those on the spectrum, having a coupling relationship is hardly the be-all and end-all.
Society has simply conditioned/brainwashed us in thinking it is. <shrug>
When people get older, most will see the wisdom of my brilliance. 8)

Speak for yourself, I’m not an Independent person nor do I need or desire independence it’s quite toxic to me. Perhaps this is why I don’t understand many aspies.


Your loss, mate.
I lurve my lifestyle,
And prefer the lack of emotional distress and loss of independence that usually comes with a significant other relationship.
To each their own. <shrug>

But keep in mind,
I am much older than you.
Presumably, a sexual component, in a relationship, is of considerable interest to you? 8O
Don't look at me, btw. :mrgreen:



Pepe
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18 May 2020, 6:50 am

Wolfram87 wrote:
That or they'll just stop and ask themselves why theyre taking advice on romance from Pepe LePew. Just a thought. :)


The chase is great.
Hoppidy, hoppidy, hop...
It's the shackles/commitment, which comes with the consummation, that is the problem. :mrgreen:
They didn't explain that in the cartoons, did they. :wink:



dw.731
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18 May 2020, 7:34 am

He is a floor person, experiences anxiety and issues going to college (so may/may not finish), does not have a driver's license or car yet (says he has anxiety over the notion of driving)... i think his biggest obstacle will be being addicted to porn/using self satisfaction as a coping mechanism. That damages the ability to have further connections in a relationship, which he claims he craves.

So now you see a bigger picture, and i chose to allow myself to fall in love with him.

sly279 wrote:
dw.731 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
dw.731 wrote:
I said yes to being his girlfriend before he had his first job. He works retail now.

sly279 wrote:
dw.731 wrote:
He started his first job during the holiday season last year. November/December-ish. Ghosting could not be that, though... as he still shows pretty active in apps like Instagram. He just doesn't talk to me anymore after he said he felt like he made a huge mistake. To my NT mind, that means he must have lost interest.

sly279 wrote:
dw.731 wrote:
NT female here. I adored my ASD (20) boyfriend. I wish he would come back. He kept getting overwhelmed any time remotely I tried to talk about if there was a disagreement or he would disappear and not communicate he was disappearing... or if I felt hurt. The one time he did something inappropriate (used self sexual pleasure for coping) while I was texting him about some serious issues...

Any time since this year if I brought up something as calmly as I could to discuss, he would resort to "maybe it would be best if we broke up". Ultimately he ended it by not breaking up with me directly... 10 days later saying he felt like he made a huge mistake breaking it off... then ghosted me completely. Talk about giving abandonment issues.

Anyway. I loved his special interests. I learned his routines and I knew when to expect him to disappear (about 75% of the time). I loved his quirks, and I admired his truthfulness, although I would get frustrated at him skirting around issues sometimes, as it would seem deceptive. I embraced him for who he was. We were friends beforehand, although I felt an instant connection to him. Where he had a low self esteem, I admired what he hated about himself. We were together for almost a year.

Bottom line: We are out there. I thought the world of him.


Did he have a job?


I was meaning is women won’t even date me cause I lack a real job, so I’m not a real man.
Did you date him before or after he had a job?


Why not date a guy with real job and future?


I think that is a very silly question. For now it is a real job, could still continue to be a real job... and he has a future. Who are any of us to judge another.



Is he a manager? You said your an assistant manager, that’s different the min wage retail. My manager and assistant managers make middle class income.

It’s funny some women ask if I’m manager and when I say I’m just floor person they say no thanks.

In dating women are the employer and so they can judge suitors however they want.
I’m just going have to accept any woman if one ever decides to waste their time on me.

I’m sure if I was 18-22 and had a car it wouldn’t matter as much but most 30 year old men have middle class jobs, new cars and own their houses. I’m 32 and get disability and work 12 hours a week, when I’m 50 I’ll be on disability and working retail still. This is it for me. Though I won’t live to 50. I don’t see me living past 35. For someone like me life without love and companionship isn’t life. I don’t fancy existing for existing sake so that others can feeel good



kraftiekortie
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18 May 2020, 8:01 am

Most 30-year olds don’t have new cars. Nor do they own their own homes. Most don’t have the money to take trips to foreign places. When I was 30, I had only been to Canada.

When I was 30, I was renting an apartment, and didn’t even have a driver’s license.

Most 30-year olds have old, used cars, and rent apartments or houses. Many are forced to have roommates for economic reasons if they don’t have a spouse or partner.



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18 May 2020, 8:06 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Most 30-year olds don’t have new cars. Nor do they own their own homes. Most don’t have the money to take trips to foreign places.  When I was 30, I had only been to Canada.  When I was 30, I was renting an apartment, and didn’t even have a driver’s license.  Most 30-year olds have old, used cars, and rent apartments or houses.  Many are forced to have roommates for economic reasons if they don’t have a spouse or partner.
That's New York.  Have you been any further west than Ithaca lately?



kraftiekortie
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18 May 2020, 8:50 am

Check out most of the South and the Midwest, especially outside metro areas.

Especially in this era of COVID.

Vast populations of people outside urban metropolitan areas in the US don’t take foreign trips. They might lie about it on social media, though.

At least 60% of the population live paycheck to paycheck, and have little savings.

It’s true that if you’re employed and have decent credit, you could get a decent car in many places. But the monthly payments are high.

I was in the Bay Area last year. I also went to Carmel, CA.



Fnord
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18 May 2020, 8:58 am

I live in California, and just as California is not New York, so too is Carmel not California.



kraftiekortie
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18 May 2020, 9:00 am

I stayed in San Mateo, which is decidedly working class.

We just drove down to Carmel.



RetroGamer87
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18 May 2020, 9:04 am

funeralxempire wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
I would like to motivate them to not get into a negative frame of mind that's all.
I get that and it's a good impulse, but has anyone on here ever succeeded at pulling someone out of their misery stew before they were willing to make an effort themselves?
Yes.
Oh? Go on...
Years ago I was depressed because I felt totally inadequate. Not only was I dateless but I believed I deserved to be dateless. I was overweight, underemployed and living with my mum.

First, I lost weight. Then I moved out. Then I got a better job. My depression lessened and I didn't hate myself as much. It felt like I was actively doing something to fox my problems. It felt good.


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kraftiekortie
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18 May 2020, 9:06 am

Sly is already foxing his problems :wink:



RetroGamer87
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18 May 2020, 9:12 am

I'm glad to hear it.


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