HALP! I need some perspective!!

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So here's the thing, guys. After I separated from my cozy little ferret domicile and ex boyfriend, I felt unbearably lonely. I actually was so desperate, that I met up with someone from CRAIGSLIST!! He wanted to buy my shoes that I was selling, and he didn't have a foot fetish...he just wanted to trap a girl, and hold her in his arms forever and ever....and EVER....so I skeedadled out of that faster than you can say Desperate. Either way, that led to me hooking up with my cousin's roommate, because she felt so bad for me, she invited me to her party, but actually, my cousin imogene hates me, and I think it's cause she's jealous, but whatevzies! She literally only wanted me around if I could score her some adderal because she has this image of herself being a skinny trophy wife, and she is tormented by our shared eating disorder, which I am thankfully past. BUT ANYWAY....that lead me into a whole other conundrum of, "oh s**t, I had sex with a guy that doesn't care about me....might as well do it again....and I found someone on Omegle who lived near me, and we stayed at hotels, and it was weird, but nice.....and then I'm like....ewww. What am I doing with my life? That's horrible.....I do NOT wanna go down that path. Of random hook-ups....no..I do not feel that way about sex at all. I think sex is a glorious gift to us, and should be respected...it's connecting with another human being. Number 1 and number 3, I will never forget you. But number 2 and 4 were just plebian scum who didn't appreciate sex at all. They both made me feel absolutely worthless. and then......
And then I meet....let's call him Julio. (no, he was not hispanic, not that it matters...)
Julio and I connect on so many levels. I dated him for quite some time, a few months, starting right before....cliche trigger warning Valentines Day...We both have low self esteem, we both have body dysmorphia, we both live with our parents even though we're 30....jesus christ....what is wrong with us? we both want to do what's right...however...the corona virus kinda f****d everything up, forcing both of our families to be the only people you can come in contact with. Cabin fever. Yadda yadda.
But I'm not sexually attracted to him
And I don't like his family
And I can't stand his habits

and he will NOT LET GO OF ME! He doesn't respect my boundaries.
I seem to have unleashed this beast that is holding me captive.
I actually need to aga flaga FLEE ga flagga ishka ishka nagga nagga agga flagga FLEEgaflagga bbbiiiiiIIRRDIE!
I don't want to hurt his feelings though. But I need to go.

I would recommend taking a break from dating/hooking up to reflect on your own desires and needs from yourself, your life, and your relationships. Figure out who you are and what is important to you, before looking for another human to share it with. It will make it easier to recognize people who are more compatible to you, once you know yourself better.

As for Julio, just let him down gently.

in the end i didn't have to let him down...we're trying this thing called communicating with each other. it's really difficult for him because he is neurotypical...he doesn't know how to articulate what he's feeling, so I have to pry and pry....but I finally got him to, and I understand him better. Thank you for the feedback, though!

This is every romantic when they're romantically confused. I freak out the same way.

Then things change and they go back to the way they were, and then even more anxiety and then you adjust? I don't even know myself, love has no pattern to it lmao.

I'm glad it's working out!