Ignore modern dating advice?
dorkseid wrote:
Also, I'm don't know what what "where looks don't matter at all" means. There was a lady I enjoyed talking to online, but once we met in person I realized I felt no attraction to her at all. I'm sure this works in the other direction as well. Some level of physical attraction, i.e. looks, will always matter.
Maybe for you, not necessarily for everyone.
For example, I'm on the asexual spectrum, but I do feel sexual attraction. For me, the biggest determinant of attraction is my kinks, and even though I have some preference for a certain appearance, my kinks can and often have overriden this completely. For example, in the TV show Supernatural, the demon Crowley's actor is pretty much the polar opposite of my "type" in appearance. And yet the show has put his character in so many situations that hit my kink buttons that I'm attracted to him because of that.
IRL, if I found a person who was sexually submissive with all the same kinks I have, I'd probably be attracted to them no matter what they look like.
There are people who are demisexual, meaning that they only feel attraction to people they have some other kind of emotional bond to. There are people who are sapiosexual, and feel attraction based on how someone thinks rather than how they look. People vary a lot, and I don't think you can state anything as a general rule of how attraction works for everyone.
dorkseid wrote:
One piece of advice I've heard a lot is "just be yourself".
A piece of advice I get a lot from people is to 'act like the kind of person you'd want to date'. To consider the kind of person you'd like to be with and take steps to become that person such as trying certain hobbies that you would like this hypothetical person to be interested in. I think about this advice sometimes. Perhaps it won't lead me to finding someone, but at least it could help me grow.
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