Fnord wrote:
Random thoughts from around the Internet...
One of the problems with Incels is that they tend to make assumptions about women — what women want in men and in relationships especially — that simply aren't true. In fact, many of these assumptions tend to come from other men, instead of women.
Even when told by women what those women want, Incels will deny the truth and point to the their own experiences as proof that no women wants any of those things -- what they don't seem to see is that women don't want those things from them and that they will seek those qualities out in other men.
I would suggest that Incels focus on finding out and accepting what women really want, and then building the best version of themselves to that reality. Finding ways to be their best selves will serve them much better and help them meet the right people.
The hard thing about changing their minds is that being an Incel the most essential part of their identities -- everything they have to say about women and relationships is predicated on the ideas that: (1) Incels are repressed and discriminated against for being sexless, (2) all women are vapid and only care about looks, (3) women owe men access to their bodies for sex, (4) women should submit to men in every way, physically, mentally, sexually, and socially.
Therein lies the irony of the Incel community. Incel websites feature countless posts objectifying and vilifying women, yet the same men writing those posts desperately want to have sex with the women they hate -- because they view women as both sex objects and antagonistic to their goal of sex.
Incels also tend to believe that:
• They are irredeemably ugly, and that this is why they cannot have sexual or romantic relationships.
• No amount of self-improvement, mentally or physically, will improve their prospects.
• Women only care about a man's appearance.
• Women as shallow, brainless beings who would never look beyond appearances.
• Feminism and women's sexual liberation produce a net negative because women are not choosing to have sex with them.
• Men should have access to women's bodies whenever without any objection from women.
• Woman do not have any worth unless they are sexually available to men
Incels refuse to see women as people with their own desires, and that perhaps their virginity and/or celibacy actually stems from their mistreatment of women and not their perceived physical unattractiveness. The largest contradiction of Incels is how they shame women for having lots of sex, but also expect women to have lots of sex with them.
If they admit that they're wrong -- that it's their attitude that's keeping them celibate -- then they have to accept responsibility for their choices and abandon a community they've chosen to be part of. And the Incel community does it's best to insist that changing themselves isn't just futile but simply wrong -- women should change for them, instead.
Many of these men refuse to embrace concepts like gender equality because their goal isn't really to become happy, but rather to control, monitor and punish women who either challenge male dominance or don't adhere to their concepts of women's "proper" role in a male-dominated society.
A lot of people think of misogyny as this sort of blind hatred of women, and it's not. It is an over-reaching sense of entitlement. It is rooted in the false belief that "women are put on Earth to serve men", and if they fail to do that to any single man's specifications, then he has every right to get angry with her -- like a belligerent customer who thinks that the waitress isn't giving him good service.
This is the sort of mentality that cannot be reasoned with or compromised on. For Incels who look in the world through this filter, the only option is for them to be told -- in emphatic, unequivocal terms -- that they are wrong.
Then ignore them.
They will eventually go away.
I always got this image in my head of men whose only with women was vicariously in pornographic films whenever the word "Incel" was mentioned. But after getting to know them more intimately, they're just men who idolized other men who A.) deserved no admiration, B.) did horrible things because relatively innocuous things women did triggered them, and/or C.) regularly treat women like meat. They're just confused men who keep terrible company. Some of it isn't their fault, though. "Pick-Up Artists" prey on these individuals because PUAs know they're desperate for companionship and will do anything to get it. I used to be pretty vulnerable to these kinds of groups (even though I lost my virginity at 17, at which point "Incel" was an esoteric term to me, and I'm in my late 20's). I've been single since 17 yoa and haven't even had a girl show any interest in me. It's been pretty peaceful, albeit lonely. It's just unfortunate that girls in my age group immediately think guys like me are creeps and only interested in sex. But, looking back, the irony is downright tragic because it either becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy or a raw deal for her because the guy she would've ended up had she not been so superficial moved on and married women she inevitably grows jealous of because she doesn't think their wives are "pretty enough" for them, which is fresh because beauty is in the eye of the beholder and saying his wife isn't pretty is extremely insulting to the tastes he developed while she was busy doing her own thing. Digression aside, my point is I can understand where they're coming from but don't endorse their methods. Violence and misogyny should never be an acceptable alternative to anyone in this situation.
01 Jul 2021, 3:09 am
